tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7481791987685355742024-03-14T02:35:17.868-07:00The Lioness at the Gate". . .Women are like lionesses at the gate of the home. Whatever happens in that home and family happens because she cares about it and it matters to her. She guards that gate. . . ." -- Julie B. BeckEmilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.comBlogger333125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-54036479514003858622023-11-09T10:02:00.002-07:002023-11-09T10:03:35.368-07:00The Righteous Mind<p>Do you ever get to a point where you feel like you're just not learning anything anymore? It's all kind of the same? You've heard it all? Well, I was at a book club, and some of the ladies were talking about a book from a different book club, and when I heard what it was about, I thought: "I think I'd like that!"</p><p>There are few books that have been totally awe inspiring and perspective changing to me. I'd say the first one was <i>A Return to Modesty</i>. Others have been <i>Outliers,</i> <i>Freakonomics, </i>and<i> Why Gender Matters</i>. The latest one is <i>The Righteous Mind: Why Good People are Divided by Politics and Religion</i> by Jonathan Haidt.</p><p>This is a book about moral psychology, something I've never heard of. A lot of what Haidt says just makes sense. He also gets into religion and speaks positively of how it unites people (and blinds them), but how it's generally good for communities by creating connection and collaboration. During parts of the book, I was a little bit afraid that it would weaken my testimony because he was pointing out just how practical organized religion is and how our brains create reasons for things (like why the gods do certain things to certain people), but near the end of the book as I was evaluating my feelings, I realized religion is more than community connection or rewards/punishment from the gods that humans have created. I've experienced things that are more than oxytocin. I've seen experiences in people's lives play out that shouldn't have. I think Haidt is right, but I think religion still goes deeper.</p><p>In the end, couldn't our Heavenly Father have used masterful psychology as part of his perfect plan? I already believe he used science in His creation, so it only make sense He would use other disciplines, too.</p><p>I started out by taking a few notes on paper, so I don't know exactly where Haidt said some of this, but later, I just started bookmarking my audiobook and can note a reference time. Anyway, here are a few thoughts worth saving:</p><p>(Chapter 1, I think?) Haidt talked about our brains systemizing and empathizing. Those who systemize too much fall in the autism spectrum.</p><p>Psychology is based on behavior observation, not measured like science and math [religion is the same way - not measured, which is why some people have a hard time believing]. There was a decreased in non-science/measurable disciplines as science gained popularity [a loss of faith in things they couldn't see and and increase in things they could see and measure].</p><p>He talked about coming to feel that dead bodies were sacred. That's something I've always felt, but my husband is opposite. I found it interesting that my husband isn't the only one!</p><p>Men lean toward tribalism and loyalty and being a traitor is really bad. Women lean toward coupling.</p><p>(Chapter 2, maybe?) Without punishment, people are selfish.</p><p>(5:10) If there's no disgust, then there's no sacred [opposite?]. Sacredness leads to a moral community. Liberals appeal to care and fairness. Conservatives appeal to care, fairness, loyalty, authority, and sanctity. WOW. When I heard this, it explained a lot about how my husband and I think differently. It explianed Republicans and Democrats. My husband is definitely a care and fairness guy, but I also value the other three. He doesn't really value loyalty, authority, and only partially, sanctity.</p><p>(8:13) Synchrony Builds Trust: When we do things together/have commonalities, we are more likely to trust each other and help each other out. We create commonalities/groupishness with how we look, dress, talk, shared name, birthday, move together, exercise, haka, sing, march, parties, karaoke.</p><p>(8:14) Create healthy competition between teams (armies, sports, corporate divisions), not individuals.</p><p>(8:25) The Hive Switch: Becoming a part of the whole through awe in nature, Durkheimian drugs, raves; oxytocin binds people to their groups, not all of humanity.</p><p>(8:28) College football example: makes you feel like you are part of a whole, even though it is costly, wasteful, and extravagant and "impairs people's ability to think rationally." Moves people "from profane to sacred" (Durkheim), leads to donations, improved school experience, stronger community.</p><p>(8:31) Morality Binds and Blinds: Scientists miss the point by studying religious "individuals and their supernatural beliefs rather than focusing on groups and their binding practices."</p><p>(8:46) Successful religions expend precious resources to spread, just like a virus, you can also spread religion to make groups cohesive and cooperative (8:48). The Gods of larger societies are "concerned about actions that foment conflict and division" (murder, adultery, false witness, breaking of oaths). </p><p>(8:49) People cheat less when there is an image of an eye nearby, or when the concept of God is activated in memory. They cheat more when the lights are dim. Gods who can see everything and hate cheaters and oathbreakers is a good way to reduce cheating and oathbreaking (good for society).</p><p>(8:51) The more "costly sacrifices" a religious commune provided, the more likely it was to survive [think Pioneers]. "Giving up alcohol and tobacco, fasting for days..., conforming to a ... dresscode..., cutting ties with outsiders." Demands for sacrifices in secular communes did not work. Rituals, laws, and other constraints work best when they are sacralized. When secular groups ask for a sacrifice, individuals want a cost/benefit analysis and "many refuse to do things that don't make logical sense." Ritual practices are a solution to bringing cooperation and rationality. "Sacredness binds people together, then blinds them to the arbitrariness of the practice." Gods help a group succeed. Haidt mentions the spread of "Mormonism" here at about 8:54.</p><p>(10:18) Corporations are super-organisms that will change their host countries. National governments are the only thing that can stand up to the large corporations.</p><p>(10:24) Haidt talks about pollutants driving up rates of ADHD, so maybe we do need to give more money to the EPA so that pollutants will go down, ADHD will go down, and we'll have potential less violence and crime.</p><p>(10:30) Example of absurdity of using insurance for routine practices and and how this inflates prices.</p><p>(10:42) Social capital: High levels of immigration and diversity actually reduced social capital. Bridging capital is trust between groups. Bonding capital is trust within groups. Diversity reduces both types of social capital. Diversity triggers social isolation. Diversity makes people more selfish and less interested in contributing (turtling). Turtling is opposite of hiving (working together like bees in a beehive). So, in an effort to break down oppression, exclusion and arbitrary barriers, liberals (meaning to care and provide fairness) inadvertently push for changes that "weaken groups, traditions, institutions, and moral capital." Inner city poor help > welfare programs > reduced value of marriage > increased out of wedlock birth [others may say this change was also created by the availability of birth control]. Emphasizing differences makes people more racist, not less, so we need to focus on our similarities.</p><p>(10:47) Animosity between political party candidates increased when politicians stopped moving to DC with their families and people didn't have to live and work together to cooperate. Cross party friendships are disappearing.</p><p>(11:00) Find commonality with others and develop trust. Give praise, develop interest.</p>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-24371732041058634612023-03-06T10:29:00.002-07:002023-03-06T10:34:39.361-07:00Helping YW understand why they aren't ordained to priesthood offices<p> We've been having a temple-related Sunday School class in our ward for a couple months now which has been amazing. I'm still not sure if they were supposed to deviate from "Come Follow Me," but it was fortuitous that the temple class was happening right when the most recent changes at the temple were made. It has been such a sacred space! Anyway, in the class yesterday we were talking about women and the priesthood. I was sad to hear that some of my dear sisters felt "less than" as women in the gospel. I still can't say I've really felt that personally, but I'm sad to know that in my generation women have still felt that.</p><p>I'd have to say three contributing factors to me NOT feeling that way are:</p><p>1. My mom served a mission back when not so many women served missions (1970s), and she went to Argentina! This really gave me a sense of pride and if my mom could do it, I could do it, too (although I chose not to serve a mission).</p><p>2. When I was about 12, my mom gave me this for my bulletin board. (Well I'm pretty sure it was this one!)</p><p data-aid="28750545" id="p27" style="--height: 288px; background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Ensign:Serif", McKay, "McKay ldsLat", Palatino, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino-Roman, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px 0px 0.889em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Much of the major growth that is coming to the Church in the <span class="page-break" data-page="104" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font: inherit; height: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; pointer-events: none; vertical-align: baseline;"></span>last days will come because many of the good women of the world (in whom there is often such an inner sense of spirituality) will be drawn to the Church in large numbers. This will happen to the degree that the women of the Church reflect righteousness and articulateness in their lives and to the degree that the women of the Church are seen as distinct and different—in happy ways—from the women of the world.</p><p data-aid="28750546" id="p28" style="--height: 230.4px; background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Ensign:Serif", McKay, "McKay ldsLat", Palatino, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino-Roman, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px 0px 0.889em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Among the real heroines in the world who will come into the Church are women who are more concerned with being righteous than with being selfish. These real heroines have true humility, which places a higher value on integrity than on visibility. Remember, it is as wrong to do things just to be seen of women as it is to do things to be seen of men. Great women and men are always more anxious to serve than to have dominion.</p><p data-aid="28750547" id="p29" style="--height: 86.4px; background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Ensign:Serif", McKay, "McKay ldsLat", Palatino, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino-Roman, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px 0px 0.889em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Thus it will be that female exemplars of the Church will be a significant force in both the numerical and the spiritual growth of the Church in the last days.</p><p data-aid="28750547" id="p29" style="--height: 86.4px; background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: "Ensign:Serif", McKay, "McKay ldsLat", Palatino, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino-Roman, serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px 0px 0.889em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">-Spencer W. Kimball, delivered by his sweet wife Camilla in 1979.</p><p>3. In my early days of college the Proclamation to the World came out.</p><p><span face=""Ensign:Serif", McKay, "McKay ldsLat", Palatino, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino-Roman, Pahoran, "Pahoran ldsLat", "Noto Sans Myanmar", NotoSansMyanmar, SaysetthaldsLao, NotoSerifTamil, serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 18px;">In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. </span></p><p><span face=""Ensign:Serif", McKay, "McKay ldsLat", Palatino, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino-Roman, Pahoran, "Pahoran ldsLat", "Noto Sans Myanmar", NotoSansMyanmar, SaysetthaldsLao, NotoSerifTamil, serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 18px;">-Read by Gordon B. Hinckley, 1995</span></p><p><span face=""Ensign:Serif", McKay, "McKay ldsLat", Palatino, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino-Roman, Pahoran, "Pahoran ldsLat", "Noto Sans Myanmar", NotoSansMyanmar, SaysetthaldsLao, NotoSerifTamil, serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: 18px;">Then there are other quotes that helped me feel strong after that time like,</span></p><p>4. <span style="background-color: white; color: #212225; font-family: McKay, Baskerville, Palatino, "Palatino Linotype", Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 1.125rem;">“Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.”</span><br /><br />(Margaret D. Nadauld, “The Joy of Womanhood,” Ensign, Nov. 2000, 15)</p><p>And then of course there was lots of good stuff by Julie Beck, but I won't take the time to look that stuff up because that's not what this post is about!</p><p>Last summer I was called to serve as YW president in our new ward (we had a boundary change). I learned about some of these helpful YW presidency facebook groups and joined some. This morning I saw someone ask a question about helping young women who are wondering about why they don't hold the priesthood. The replies were so kind and well said. I just thought I'd list them here for future reference. I just remember back in the Kate Kelly days how contentious the topic got online, that it was just a breath of fresh-air to see this type of conversation without everything blowing up. There are all types of answers for this topic, and I think there may be truth in all of them, but honestly the bottom line is we don't know why women don't hold the priesthood (offices), but it can be helpful to study it all out. Here are things people shared:</p><p>1. Understanding priesthood office, priesthood authority, priesthood keys.</p><p>2. Understanding that women are authorized in the temple to give priesthood ordinances.</p><p>3. Latter-day Saint Women Podcast: 85 Rebecca Mehr "How Priesthood Power Offers Divine Help to Every Woman"</p><p>4. The Priesthood Power of Women by Barbara Morgan Gardner.</p><p>5. We have different roles: women bearing children, men holding the priesthood (I know this one can be controversial).</p><p>"Just because I carried and gave birth to our baby, doesn't mean the baby is any less my husband's. Likewise just because my husband carries and performs blessings and ordinances with the priesthood doesn't mean it's any less mine." -Someone named Lacy</p><p>"Both are equally important, just different." -Denise</p><p>Division of labor -Desiree</p><p>Different roles -Monica</p><p>"Women are the conduits for bringing Heavenly spirits to earth, and men are the conduits for bringing the power of Heaven on earth. This allows us to truly be a help-meet for each other." -Gwen</p><p>"Think of a circle. At the top is Heaven. At the bottom is Earth. Women's power is to bring the souls from Heaven to Earth. The Priesthood keys is to take the souls back to Heaven after death. Is the circle of life." -Diana</p><p>6. <span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">GOD COMES TO THE WOMEN</span></p><span class="x3nfvp2 x1j61x8r x1fcty0u xdj266r xhhsvwb xat24cr xgzva0m xxymvpz xlup9mm x1kky2od" face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; display: inline-flex; font-size: 15px; height: 16px; margin: 0px 1px; vertical-align: middle; width: 16px;"><img alt="👇🏻" height="16" referrerpolicy="origin-when-cross-origin" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v9/t23/1.5/16/1f447_1f3fb.png" style="border: 0px;" width="16" /></span><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;"> writtten by Heather Farrell</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">Have you ever noticed how in the scriptures men are always going up into the mountains to commune with the Lord?</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">Yet in the scriptures we hardly ever</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">hear of women going to the mountains,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">and we know why — right?</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">Because the women were too busy</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">keeping life going;</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">they couldn’t abandon babies,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">meals,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">homes,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">fires,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">gardens,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">and a thousand responsibilities to make the climb into the mountains!</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">I was talking to a friend the other day,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">saying that as modern woman</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">I feel like I’m never “free” enough</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">from my responsibilities,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">never in a quiet enough,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">or holy enough spot</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">to have the type of communion</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">I want with God.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">Her response floored me,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">“That is why God comes to women.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">Men have to climb the mountain to meet God, but God comes to women where ever they are.”</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">I have been pondering on her words for weeks and have searched my scriptures</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">to see that what she said is true.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">God does in deed come to women</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">where they are,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">when they are doing their ordinary,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">everyday work.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">He meets them at the wells</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">where they draw water for their families,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">in their homes,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">in their kitchens,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">in their gardens.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">He comes to them</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">as they sit beside sickbeds,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">as they give birth,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">care for the elderly,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">and perform necessary mourning and burial rites.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">Even at the empty tomb,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">Mary was the first to witness Christ’s resurrection,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">She was there because she was doing the womanly chore of properly preparing Christ’s body for burial.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">In these seemingly mundane</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">and ordinary tasks,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">these women of the scriptures found themselves face to face with divinity.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">So if — like me — you ever start to bemoan the fact that you don’t have as much time to spend in the mountains with God as you would like. Remember, God comes to women. He knows where we are and the burdens we carry. He sees us, and if we open our eyes and our hearts we will see Him, even in the most ordinary places and in the most ordinary things.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" /><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-size: 15px;">He lives.</span><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">7. Linda Burton, "Get Thee into the Mountain"</span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">8. President Nelson "Spiritual Treasures"</span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">9. It's ok to mourn or validate not holding the priesthood </span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">10. The Keys and Authority of the Priesthood -Oaks</span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">11. A Future Only God Can See for You -Susan Madsen</span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">12. Study the administrative and ministrative functions of the priesthood in the D&C. </span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">13. At Last She Said It podcast (I'm not sure what this is).</span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">14. "Drawing the Power of Jesus Christ into Our Lives" -Nelson</span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">15. "The Two Trees." -Valirie Hudson Cassler</span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">16. Women and Priesthood in Gospel Library</span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">17. "Spiritual Treasures" -Nelson</span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">18. "Attaining, Accessing, Using Priesthood Power" -David Clare, BYU Women's Conference, 2014.</span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">That's kind of a lot, huh!? Maybe it will help clarify it for someone some day.</span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">Someone pointed out that some women struggle because ultimately they will not hold the priesthood keys, they will not ever be a bishop or a prophet because we are a patriarchal organization. I don't know if it really answers anything, but yes, it is a fact. It's a definition of what our church is. Patriarchies are run with men in the head positions.</span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="color: #050505;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">And I just want to add one last thought. In the Sunday School class, someone asked a question and I felt compelled to share right at the end. I can't remember exactly what she asked, but I explained that I think we're trying to emphasize that we definitely do have the power of God, but we're just trying to call it what it is: the priesthood. It's almost a rebranding. I think after the Kate Kelly movement, the Church wanted women to know that they act with authority of the priesthood since the priesthood IS the power of God. That may help some women, but I guess there's still the ultimate patriarchal structure that creates some unsettlement. Maybe the fact that it is a patriarchal structure is to just show the pattern after Christ, who was male? (I did not say the last few sentences in my comment, and it came out really well in my comment; it must have been inspired :).)</span></span></div><div><p><br /></p><p><br /></p></div>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-70068898494387459942022-06-01T13:00:00.002-07:002022-06-01T13:01:36.725-07:00Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax<p> Two posts ago I wrote about a Leonard Sax book. <i>Why Gender Matters</i> is another of his books, but from 2005. Apparently there is a more recent edition from 2017, which would have been nice to realize since he even mentions that new research will come out within the next 20 years on certain topics mentioned in the 2005 edition. Twenty years into the future would be 2025; we're almost there.</p><p>I wanted to listen to this book to learn more about gender issues that are so confusing to me today. I expected more of that in the book, but it was actually more of a parenting book on how boys and girls think differently and how to treat them based on their needs. It was really quite fascinating! There are a couple parts in the book that are quite disturbing (mainly teen sexuality in chapter 6), but the other parts were easier to listen to.</p><p>I wanted to save a few thoughts for future reference below.</p><p>You know how we say men compartmentalize their thoughts? Well, in chapter 2 we learn that if a man has a stroke on the left side of his brain, it lessens their verbal IQ by 20%. If the stroke is in the right hemisphere, they see virtually no affect to their speech. However, if a woman has a stroke on the left side, her verbal IQ is decreased by about 9%; if the right side, it's decreased by around 11%. So, it appears that women use more of their brains for language; whereas men use a certain section.</p><p>Also in chapter 2, Sax states that scientists can look at brain tissue samples and identify which came from males and which came from females because they are different.</p><p>You know how we all learned how music was so good for babies? Well, in one study with babies who were in the ICU (I think), it appeared that girl babies who received music therapy came home 9.5 days earlier than girl babies who did not. Music therapy did not make a difference in boy babies and how early they got to come home from the hospital. The researcher who published this info just gave averages of babies coming home early, but did not specify the sex. Sax suggests we need more research, but since boy babies don't hear as well as girl babies, perhaps music therapy would make a difference with them if the music was louder? - Chapter 2</p><p>In another study, newborns were placed in front of a young woman and a mobile. Researchers tracked what the babies looked at. Boy babies were more twice as likely to look at a mobile. Girl babies preferred looking at the young woman. This may be related to differences in the retina between males and females. - Chapter 2</p><p>In a study from Concordia, 77 18 month olds were tested, and researchers discovered kids couldn't really tell who was a boy or a girl, and boys had a harder time choosing than girls. The researches also looked at the types of toys the children liked and boys tended to like boy-typical toys, and girls liked girl-typical toys. In a different study with 9 month olds, researchers found the same toy preferences and that the babies couldn't tell who was a boy or who was a girl. Even in monkeys, researchers have found male monkeys prefer boy-typical toys and female monkeys prefer girl-typical toys. Sax is pointing out that without any training or influence from others, boys and girls have general toy preferences, and boys more strongly than the girls. - Chapter 2</p><p>I don't know if we all say it, but I can easily say that my husband and son are definitely not very emotional. Apparently before adolescence, negative emotions are processed in the amigdala, so if you ask a kid to explain why they are sad, they may not be able to tell you very well. But, during adolescence, girls start to process negative emotions in their cerebral cortex, where communication also happens. So, when you ask a girl to explain her feelings she can. Boys continue to process negative feelings in the amigdala, so they have a more difficult time expressing their feelings. Their emotions aren't connected to speech in the brain like they are in women. - Chapter 2</p><p>Sax believes that gender is a more fundamental characteristic for grouping people than even age. Girls and women hear and see better than boys and men. Girls and women affiliate more with adults than boys. They also have a more mature (I don't know if that's the right word) emotional development than boys and men. Also, lesbian women still have more in common with straight women than they do with gay men or straight men. Later in the book (chapter 9), Sax will even state that gay men exhibit more masculine traits than straight men. We tend to think gay men are less masculine than straight men, but chemically, and sometimes physically (less sensitive hearing as an example, bigger ears), they appear to be hyper masculine. - Chapter 2</p><p>In chapter three we get into risk. This chapter totally explains why my husband does what I consider to be dumb things. There was one study where students were asked to toss rings to a target both alone and within the presence of classmates of the same sex. Whether alone or with other people in the room, the girls tossed the rings from the same distance. Young men, though, when alone tossed the rings at a certain distance, but when watched backed up around twice as far as when they were alone. One male student explained that he didn't want to look like a wuss. Well this explains macho behavior, doesn't it? - Chapter 3</p><p>Boys are more likely to do physically risky behavior than girls, and they are more likely to do it around other boys, and not stop when a parent asks them to. Boys and men are more likely to drown and have gun or head injuries. They attribute their accidents to bad luck, not bad choices. They get a kind of rush when they take risky behavior; whereas girls, may have more of a sick feeling, which is due to the autonomic nervous system. It seems to me that they take more risks because it's fun. Most of the time nothing bad happens, but when something does go wrong, the consequences are big. After boys successfully complete risky behavior and succeed, they are more likely to do it again because they see they were able to get through it the first time and the consequences weren't that bad. Boys in a bike simulation were less likely to brake in a dangerous situation than girls. Girls were more fearful and cautious. Boys also "overestimate their abilities while girls are more likely to underestimate their abilities." Girls need encouragement to take risks. </p><p>In regards to risks with employment, men are more likely to be CEOs even though there are plenty of well-trained women. Men are still more likely to start their own businesses and be leading politicians. Women still make 73% of what men make, but part of that is explained by differences in occupation (like male software engineer vs female teacher). Even when adjusted for the same work, education, and hours, there is still a significant gender gap in pay persists. Sometimes this is due to men asking for more money (taking a risk), when sometimes women don't. Starting salaries of men were 8% more than women. 57% of men asked for more money in hiring negotiations, but only 7% of women asked. Students who asked for more money seemed to get more money. - Chapter 3</p><p>It's safer for a boy to participate in organized sports than to have him participate in unsupervised activities (like skateboarding). If he takes unacceptable risks just take away/disable the thing. Don't negotiate or argue. Lock up the bike, take away the helmet. - Chapter 3</p><p>Can I just tell you that chapters 2 and 3 just explained my husband??? This chapter made him make so much more sense!</p><p>Chapter four is on aggression. Apparently boys fight 20x as often as girls, but boys are more likely to be better friends later, after the fight. Girls, on the other hand, don't fight with fists, but with words, and are not likely to make up later. This was the same as in chimpanzees. </p><p>At 2 years old, boys tend to prefer violent stories; girls prefer warm and fuzzy stories. In another study of 5-7 year old kids, girls who chose violent stories tended to have behavior problems; however, boys who also liked violent stories did not necessarily have bad behavior. - Chapter 4</p><p>Ten year old kids were asked what if someone took your soccer ball and you hit the other kid to get your ball back. Boys tended to not feel guilty about hitting back and felt like others approved of their behavior. It brought up their standing with other kids as long as it wasn't bullying. Ten year old girls, on the other hand tended to feel guilt for hitting and felt that their peers would look down on them for acting back at the ball-stealer. - Chapter 4</p><p>Girls are more interested in babies than boys. - Chapter 4</p><p>When boys want to make friends, they are sometimes playfully aggressive, like pulling pigtails or teasing. Girls rarely do this. When treated like this by someone else, boys tend to know to tease back. (I don't know if I've seen this?) - Chapter 4</p><p>Chapter 5 is about school. Although teachers teach boys more actively, boys are 1.5 years behind girls in reading and writing and are less committed to school and less likely to go to college.</p><p>Small group learning is a great teaching strategy for girls, but not for boys. Girls are more likely to ask for help in assignments. Boys might get rowdy rather than ask for help. Asking for help lowers their social status; even the geeks know this. Boys do better with some competition and timed activities. Those teaching styles stress girls out. Sax again convinced me that there are some great things that can happen in single-sex education. - Chapter 5</p><p>Chapter six is about kids and sex. Some of the descriptions of what kids do was bit much for me, but after that part was over, there were some really good things. </p><p>Sax points out that impersonal sex is harmful to young men because it doesn't allow them to create relationships that they'll want and need later in life. They're less likely to have guy friends as they age. Lonely men are more likely to die of suicide and experience depression, and die of illness. Women, however, have other relationships in their lives, and can fill that emotional void with other people.</p><p>Sax suggests sex should be reserved of responsible adults. A boy who exploits his girlfriend for his own personal pleasure and neglects her needs sets himself up for loneliness and failure.</p><p>Tell your kids what you think about sex. Even though we don't think they listen, most kids still say their parents are their most influential people.</p><p>Tell your kids they MUST tell you they are going to another party after leaving a party. </p><p>No more than three years age difference between your daughter and the oldest boy in the group.</p><p>Encourage girls-only activities, including sports. This builds girls' self confidence and they're less likely to be sexually active. Sports help them not focus "on the rating and dating game." Boys who play competitive sports are more likely to be sexually active than non-athletes. Boys will also feel more self-esteem with being a good athlete, and increases his likelihood to have sex. Sports make boys more popular. Girls choose to have sex to help them feel more accepted.</p><p>Sometimes girls drop out of sports because they don't like people looking at them (I definitely don't like people looking at me!). So girls' only sports and PE are good.</p><p>Girls are more likely to participate in girls'-only PE. (I'd say true. As a kid in SLC, we had girls' only, and it was fine. In Davis County, it was combined, and boy I hated it.)</p><p>Have girls do activities where the focus is on what she does, not on how she looks.</p><p>There are no activities that are proven to decrease boys' engagement in sex. Sax encourages, cross-generational activities where older men teach younger men good behavior, like Boy Scouts, Somos Amigos, (or Young Men's).</p><p>Chapter 7 is on drugs. Academic stress in girls is a pathway to substance abuse.</p><p>Danger doesn't deter boys, it may spur some boys on. Educating boys about the dangers of drugs can be counterproductive because they may want to try to prove the teaching wrong; think of "This is Your Brain on Drugs." That commercial worked well on girls, but not on sensation-seeking, risk-taking boys. </p><p>Eat dinner together. The more often teens have dinner with their families, the less likely they are to smoke, drink, or use drugs. This protective effect is greater for girls than boys, but is still good. You know what your kids are doing; you are involved in their life. They have to be home for dinner, then they can't be somewhere where you don't know what he's been doing.</p><p>Chapter 8 was on Discipline. I'm not so sure about how I felt about this chapter. It seemed pretty old-fashioned and strict. I think that was the point that Sax was trying to make though---that we're having all the problems we're having now because we're not strict enough, and kids are just running all over the place making all sorts of crazy decisions. He says we've had a loss of parental authority, which I think is true. The kids seem to have the power, not he parents.</p><p>Obese kids tend to be disobedient.</p><p>"If you're spending more time disciplining your child than your spending enjoying life with your child, then you need to spend more time having fun with your child." Yes, that one hit home for us.</p><p>Bad behavior in the past needed discipline, but today it's considered a psychiatric problem. Now that's something to explore.</p><p>Chapter 9 is more what I thought the whole book would be about, but it's just this one chapter on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Trans. This is the chapter where I'd like to know the more up-to-date research. Sax seems to be pretty fair in his science-backed conclusions. Sometimes I expected him to conclude one way, when he would go the other way, based on science. To me, he seemed unbiased. Honestly, I wish I would have heard some of this stuff years ago because the whole trans-movement of today confuses me and is heartbreaking, especially when it comes to fitting with our church.</p><p>There does not seem to be any difference between straight and gay men's brains. In the 90's there was some research stating a difference, but newer research states otherwise. There are subtle differences, but not significant. Causes may be genetic.</p><p>Some research indicates that trans brains are more similar to to other sex that they feel they better relate to.</p><p>Old research claimed that lesbians were that way because of negative sexual trauma/experience in the past, but newer research doesn't support that. It appears that there may be a stronger genetic factor.</p><p>One researcher found that because women and men experience sexuality differently, thinks gay/straight may even mean slightly different things to men and women. Some women only become sexually involved with another woman because it seemed like a natural next step, not because she wanted the sex. Some of these women reject the labels, but just want to connect with others as an individual. I was talking to an old neighbor the other day and she said she was "pan sexual." I had no idea what she was talking about and had to look it up (it's that connecting with another individual). I wondered, but isn't that what we're all looking for? But when we want to procreate, we just have to limit it to a member of the opposite sex so we can have that benefit and follow Heavenly Father's plan? Nothing says you can't have close relationships still with members of your same sex. Sax says, some women's non-sexual "relationship with each another might be more intimate and more emotionally fulfilling than the sexual relationships they have with their boyfriends or husbands."</p><p>Female astronauts are prone to dizziness after a flight. Only 1/4 non-pilot men (the pilots appear to be more "masculine" and don't get this dizziness) seem to experience this same phenomena and it is believed they have a bit more female physiology. Sax shares a study of baby boys who are more timid, fearful, and withdrawn, and these seem to be the ones that grow up to have more allergies, asthma, eczema, regular resting heart rate (without variation as in other boys), narrow face, don't like rough & tumble play, are precocious, loners, and prefer non-contact sports. Apparently a parent can help a boy through this timidity through strong discipline before the age of three. If the parent is too sensitive to the boy, he won't grow out of it.</p><p>There are a couple of quizzes at the end of the book on how female or male you are, or how your brain works. There were only 10 questions for each quiz, so I don't know how accurate it is. It was interesting and quite funny. We had our whole family take it, well except for our missionary son in California. Here's a link to the quiz, but the author forgot to put how to score the male section, but it's similar to the female section. http://feministing.com/2009/10/23/how-masculinefeminine-are-you/ </p>I scored in the most feminine category, which I thought was weird because I'm not all that girly. But I guess that's the point, it wasn't a quiz about how culturally girly you are, it was how much your brain does what other female brains typically do. I scored a 0 to negative one in the masculine category, which I thought was interesting, too, because I do like some traditionally guy activities like building and camping etc., but of course those weren't the types of things the quiz asked. Daughter #2 got the middle category on feminine and 0 on masculine. My husband got middle masculine and zero feminine. Daughter #1 got the highest masculine category and the lowest feminine category!!!! She didn't get a zero, but I think she got a two. My husband got a 5 in masculine, and that daughter got a 7! If you adjust for some of the things my daughters just wouldn't know in the quiz, that would bring the older daughter into the middle category, and the second daughter into the higher feminine category with me. I do wonder how my son would score. I would imagine he would score higher on the female quiz than my husband, and probably in the middle on the male quiz like my husband?<div><br /></div><div>So, like I said at the beginning, this book is a little old. I thought it had some interesting insight and research, and I'd love to see the updates. In some ways it was more of a child raising book than anything else, and I wonder how it would have influenced the raising of my children had I read it 18 years ago!</div>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-67572402642171398582022-01-03T16:15:00.002-07:002022-01-03T16:20:35.726-07:00The Proclamation<p> You guys. I'm starting to have more time now that my youngest is in kindergarten and my oldest is on a mission in California. (Well I would have more time, but I started painting the interior trim when my girls got Covid in August, and I'm still working on it! Once that is done, I should have a whole 1 hour and 45 minutes some days when my youngest is in kindergarten.) Maybe I'll write more. Not that anyone reads blogs anymore, haha. But, the last while I've been listening to podcasts, lots of them. Sadly, I haven't written down what I've learned like I used to when I read stuff, so it will be difficult to go back and find what I learned. However, I wanted to jot down one really great podcast my husband recommended after he listened to it. I'd listened to a lot of the Follow Him podcasts with John Bytheway and Hank Smith, but I'd missed the on on The Family: A Proclamation to the World, Dec 10-11, parts 1-2, episode 51 with Dr. Jenet Erickson. She touched on gender, the importance of fathers, preside, the sexual revolution, and so much more. It was so good, and worth taking notes on, even though I didn't!</p>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-47276354464796360552021-08-29T15:01:00.002-07:002021-08-29T15:01:22.084-07:00Boys Adrift and Mens' OrganizationsAs I've been repainting the trim from yellowish to white in our house (this project started just before school began when the little girls caught Covid and they were isolated to the office, so I knew I'd have a little bit more free time as I wouldn't be taking care of them quite so much), I've been listening to books, primarily the <i>Maze Runner</i> books, and podcasts including Jay Mac as well as several on Come Follow Me. A friend a bit ago mentioned how good <i>Boys Adrift</i> (2016) by Leonard Sax was, so while I was waiting for the last <i>Maze Runner</i> to become available, I grabbed <i>Boys Adrift</i>. IT WAS SO GOOD! The <i>Maze Runner</i> was fun, but....<div><br /></div><div>I've heard many of the concepts mentioned in the <i>Boys Adrift</i>, but never to that depth and never all together. I particularly enjoyed chapter 3 about boys and video games. Luckily, my son (now 18) has never really been into video games, but the information was still fascinating. Sax mentions how distractibility is rewarded in video games like Call of Duty. It is treated like an asset, not a liability (usually it's not a good thing to be so distracted). Risky actions are rewarded and required. Boys who play violent video games are more likely to be pulled over and engage in risky driving. They are three times more likely to be in a car crash in the next five years as compared to those who don't play those games. Not only does the sitting around lead to weight gain, but the games tend to have an appetite stimulus effect. Boys who play violent video games tend to see themselves and others as less human. They experience a myopia for the future despite negative consequences. Violent video games are worse than non-violet because the players become desensitized to violence and have less empathy and a loss of connectedness. Success in the virtual world overrides success in real world. Apparently there is lots of evidence saying this can happen. We need to learn patience in real life, not just blowing something up when we don't like it. Boys used to hunt and fish and learned patience in doing those activities, but it is not being learned now. Sax implies there's a connection with these behaviors to ADHD.</div><div><br /></div><div>In chapter 7, Sax talks about guiding boys to manhood and girls to womanhood. He says people who have a community helping their kids make this transition are most successful. Parents cannot do this alone. He mentions how the Navajo teach boys to be men. He mentions helpful organizations such as Boys to Men, as well as the Boy Scouts, and I believe he one called Somos Amigos who teach: using your strength in the service of others. I started to think about our Priesthood organization and Relief Society and even our youth programs. It was so interesting that he said this about the organizations because like many, I've wondered why this whole hierarchy of priesthood organization when the women don't have an equivalent. Additionally, why did the boys in the church have the Boy Scouts and the girls didn't have the equivalent. I've heard people say, well men/boys need an organization like that; whereas the women and girls don't. That never felt really fair, but according to Sax, there's actually some truth in it. Men apparently thrive more on these hierarchies and goals and competition, and women don't respond to it quite the same; it's not as necessary. Then, there was that whole thing about using your strength to serve others! Isn't that what the priesthood is? A way for the men of God to organize and serve? Honestly, I've heard more than once that without the priesthood, men just aren't likely to organize and serve like the women are. That felt so unfair to the men, but I suppose there's some truth to it. Also in regards to others who help our youth become adults, yesterday, two of my kids got to participate in youth conference. So, I had a greater appreciation for those youth leaders who are helping my kids learn how to become women and men. I'm so grateful for this Church that helps me raise my children into adults. Anyway, lots to think about.</div><div><br /></div><div>Chapter 8</div><div>Sax says he likes to share true stories of real men and the value of masculinity without disrespecting women and devaluing them. He tells the story of Joshua Chamberlain, born 1828, who was educated and inspired to help free the Black slaves. He wanted to serve in the military, but his school wanted to send him to Europe instead. He decided to enlist and led the 20th Main in the battle of Little Roundtop at Gettysburg where they ran out of ammunition and turned to bayonets. This scholar and seminarian felt it was his duty to fight because he knew what really mattered. When it came time to accept victory, Chamberlian told his men to salute the defeated Confederacy rather than act unhonorably. His classic education taught him manners and how to be a gentleman. This was the only part in the book that made me cry because there was so much sacrifice!</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, this is kind of a ramble, but there's so much more good stuff in the book. I'd highly recommend it! I'm now excited to read <i>Girls on the Edge</i> also by Sax because I have four daughters!</div>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-68529018750168832412021-03-06T22:09:00.000-07:002021-03-06T22:09:18.368-07:00Saving Capitalism and Women's Work<p>I've been on a quest to learn more about the economy. It mostly started 20 or so years ago when I wanted to know how to invest money in the stock market when I worked. My dad never trusted the stock market, but our employers were (are) always saying put your retirement money there, so I wanted to understand it better. Finally, I'm starting to get it after listening to <i>Saving Capitalism</i> by Robert Reich. Basically many regulations were dropped making it, well less regulated, and there's a whole bunch of insider trading going on. The stock market used to be more predictable and make more sense, but now it sounds like it's kind of wild territory. So, it really helps to know the right people. But, that's not the point of this post, although I do have a lot more to say about the book.</p><p>In chapter 22 of the book, Reich is talking about the mechanization of jobs, and therefore the loss of jobs (lab techs, tax software...) to machines, yet the in-person service "one-to-one" jobs like nursing home aids, home health care aids, child care, etc. cannot and are not being replaced! It struck me that these are the jobs with the "human touch" as he says, and the responsibilities so often fulfilled by women/mothers. So, even economist, Robert Reich might say women/mothers are irreplaceable. It's easy to devalue women's work, but when it comes down to it, it cannot be replicated by a machine.</p>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-54314375053379884472021-03-06T21:35:00.006-07:002021-03-06T21:36:39.558-07:00Raising Helpful Children<p> I saw this article on NPR this morning while I was scrolling before getting out of bed. <a href="https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2021/03/05/974069925/are-we-raising-unhelpful-bossy-kids-heres-the-fix?utm_term=nprnews&utm_campaign=npr&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&fbclid=IwAR0Tc8J57LIKTrIkqfjyEVwQ0Ds2Xlnb4rx2NI_naQyyiB3Qa_GJxMKeRV0" target="_blank">Are We Raising Unhelpful, Bossy Kids? Here's The Fix</a></p><blockquote><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 17px;">For decades, scientists have documented a surprising phenomenon: In many cultures around the world, parents don't struggle to raise helpful, kind kids. From ages 2 to 18, kids </span><em style="background-color: white; border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-east-asian: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">want</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 17px;"> to help their families. They wake up in the morning and voluntarily do the dishes. They hop off their bikes to help their dad carry groceries into the house. And when somebody hands them a muffin, they share it with a younger sibling before taking a bite themselves.</span></p></blockquote><p></p><blockquote><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 17px;">. . .I realized there are two key practices that parents, all around the world, use to teach children to be helpful and cooperative. And yet many American parents (including the one writing this essay) often do just the opposite. . . .</span></blockquote><p></p><div>Basically, the concept is that when kids are little, we need to let them help when they are interested. For example, if we are scrambling eggs, let them try it. If we are cleaning, let them try it---even if they won't do as good a job as we would like.</div><div><br /></div><div>The second suggestion is to regularly (like three times an hour) ask your kids to help in little ways, even as small as opening the door for you, or handing you a spoon while you are cooking. This helps them learn good cooperation skills.</div>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-33360908293003975982020-10-28T23:00:00.001-07:002020-10-28T23:00:48.950-07:00This Year, I Voted for Me<p>I've been feeling like I need to write why I voted the way I did this year. I feel like my posterity might wonder what my thoughts were for the election of 2020. I could write in my hand-written journal, but it will be too hard to find anything there in the future, and I might want to share my thoughts with a person or two now, and this is an easy platform for sharing.</p><p>I've been very opinionated in my feelings regarding Donald Trump and his lack of character. When he ran four years ago, I thought it was a joke. When he won the primaries, I felt obligated to remind people this was about character. I was dumbfounded when he won the general election, and that was the first time I really panicked for our country. Was such a bad, annoying, obnoxious guy merely a reflection of the type of people in our country or would he cause our country to become morally and ethically worse? Other than watching a few episodes of <i>The Apprentice</i> and watching <i>The Choice 2016</i> from Frontline on PBS, I knew not much about him.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAOROlzJJ8qZxRXRqfsYlMLWHcbgS_0lNhfnLU88W4v_6sZTWfN4yiK0DiVhWQkhkhAkNUtaEgzdgmz3mRbKrFG6RLqohAdD2O2GpLjqW4e7uMxcv2qt8ew412-AMWwqd48V-Owa4sFRh7/s599/14581482_10211110483223611_4918402851435553515_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="599" data-original-width="565" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAOROlzJJ8qZxRXRqfsYlMLWHcbgS_0lNhfnLU88W4v_6sZTWfN4yiK0DiVhWQkhkhAkNUtaEgzdgmz3mRbKrFG6RLqohAdD2O2GpLjqW4e7uMxcv2qt8ew412-AMWwqd48V-Owa4sFRh7/s320/14581482_10211110483223611_4918402851435553515_n.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtZmxr6LOH_3CwwtdPXckxjZYWibvDL6wK5lgZnprqZNUV6OZFdJILWlwgJfjNSz9jC9k3Oe4ulpIqLhYambjqLIs-Ihs_zgTmCHWwLuml4wu7fhmbq7dypX4OE421LKK2FJakbH1Dwfgp/s657/14568075_10211110499504018_6937443894856404773_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="657" data-original-width="500" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtZmxr6LOH_3CwwtdPXckxjZYWibvDL6wK5lgZnprqZNUV6OZFdJILWlwgJfjNSz9jC9k3Oe4ulpIqLhYambjqLIs-Ihs_zgTmCHWwLuml4wu7fhmbq7dypX4OE421LKK2FJakbH1Dwfgp/s320/14568075_10211110499504018_6937443894856404773_n.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpAKueac9Avc-5J85M4F5uKnp2TBhJUdY4Ke4lw05jzLxb_-sgQi88fpZqYQIFRLOD8T47vZX7NDERvy0ASS26P8grA2Q31goOmKwNDaAqA5Bzc2c-OwzR2sgqhSDgNjkElAElRkYLXD9f/s395/14600943_10211110517384465_5481079126217670013_n.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="395" data-original-width="328" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpAKueac9Avc-5J85M4F5uKnp2TBhJUdY4Ke4lw05jzLxb_-sgQi88fpZqYQIFRLOD8T47vZX7NDERvy0ASS26P8grA2Q31goOmKwNDaAqA5Bzc2c-OwzR2sgqhSDgNjkElAElRkYLXD9f/s320/14600943_10211110517384465_5481079126217670013_n.jpg" /></a></div><p></p><p>I've wondered why having good character and being a good person with integrity were so important to me. Of course, those are virtues good people seek, but recently I've seen a couple of old President Hinckley quotes that rang true to me, and I realized that he is probably a major reason I think the way I do today. I came of age when he was the prophet, so he was incredibly influential in my life. I don't recall which quotes I saw, but these are a few that ring true with me in the current societal/political climate. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4o_TSZho-glgOlkDAVfHYDKT2MJDvSk9b0aKuahVrFu9uj0m2OzyvNYN20e3rOsGGaYN3Nv3jK6ztZ-sjrZJ58qoqJIjuUtY9j_wZef1e68isbk5U_ckr4LJ2He1IclkG21h__eAdbX9D/s736/000f4201b0c5647166ec6fe92c9ce523.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="610" data-original-width="736" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4o_TSZho-glgOlkDAVfHYDKT2MJDvSk9b0aKuahVrFu9uj0m2OzyvNYN20e3rOsGGaYN3Nv3jK6ztZ-sjrZJ58qoqJIjuUtY9j_wZef1e68isbk5U_ckr4LJ2He1IclkG21h__eAdbX9D/s320/000f4201b0c5647166ec6fe92c9ce523.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1OMC465Macu8tvTJeaKP6S2_CVRElubNA0pW5GJgZ9HB73zMpId3zyAFQAYleoiQ5LH0_uvE4XiCeii1Zw4rjngWVGmgk1buSD6ykHq3Mhu7UedT3CWCA5LW-84VHoM7ELy1Pd1Tilunu/s480/bd1810f54ea0bb193e689d9c921a9e96.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1OMC465Macu8tvTJeaKP6S2_CVRElubNA0pW5GJgZ9HB73zMpId3zyAFQAYleoiQ5LH0_uvE4XiCeii1Zw4rjngWVGmgk1buSD6ykHq3Mhu7UedT3CWCA5LW-84VHoM7ELy1Pd1Tilunu/s320/bd1810f54ea0bb193e689d9c921a9e96.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibI6os60lWHNi5gg-3HysXjq3HgWaoasw2HCSWELFczkd2uJjiGfDzDjfC6IzKlr7c9mJKZKRdIUvPuYdKrwBBhhSHV_IZ8FqI4YwJstIRWftsUol4az72O2osbxCExBxMW5x6FTsWBey_/s500/7a2549337da68281fb5d6584f8db22c9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="500" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibI6os60lWHNi5gg-3HysXjq3HgWaoasw2HCSWELFczkd2uJjiGfDzDjfC6IzKlr7c9mJKZKRdIUvPuYdKrwBBhhSHV_IZ8FqI4YwJstIRWftsUol4az72O2osbxCExBxMW5x6FTsWBey_/s320/7a2549337da68281fb5d6584f8db22c9.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhktlsOqwz4X8UXnaCvl7fwMKSNEluuhwclmuufBQIyigyuXIagi6cepYifabSnFS-T-6J4QWHOAy-7nMIBhwZHdAUQvicJmhDhryZjKeyLaionQdRDjvbyTtw9FCGur_SJ9-GK-ZLxswbj/s620/stand-tall-and-be-strong-in-defense-of-those-great-virtues-which.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="620" data-original-width="620" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhktlsOqwz4X8UXnaCvl7fwMKSNEluuhwclmuufBQIyigyuXIagi6cepYifabSnFS-T-6J4QWHOAy-7nMIBhwZHdAUQvicJmhDhryZjKeyLaionQdRDjvbyTtw9FCGur_SJ9-GK-ZLxswbj/s320/stand-tall-and-be-strong-in-defense-of-those-great-virtues-which.jpg" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">When Trump and Hillary ran in 2016, I just couldn't do it, so I voted third party. After watching what has happened in our country the last 4 years, I became a Never Trumper. I would do what it takes to get Trump out of office, even if that involves voting for the Democratic nominee. I agree that Trump has kept many of his campaign promises, where often politicians don't, even if I thought his promises were dumb (like the wall: I thought it was a terribly stupid idea). I've been a registered Republican and more recently Unaffiliated. I have voted for Democrats in the past, but never for President. I have to say I've leaned Republican primarily because of the abortion issue. In local races, though, I often vote for anyone who puts the environment first because our air is so bad here along the Wasatch Front. Environmental supporters here used to be primarily Democrats, but the air problem is becoming so common, that more people from all parties are supporting cleaning up our air, so that does pull me away from the single-issue party camp. My husband always tells me I'm more liberal than he is on social issues, which I think is funny. I guess I get angry when multi-millionaires or billionaires pay their workers a mere pittance and then I say things like, there should be caps on the difference between how much the CEOs make and the bottom-of the wrung employee! I wish people would CHOOSE to take care of others, especially their employees, but so often they don't, and we're seeing such a divide in our country between the haves and have-nots. I read an article years ago, maybe ten, about how the United States income distribution looks more and more like China's rather than the European Unions, which is what we'd actually expect. I wish I could find the article. I guess I get upset that people don't make better choices regarding their fellow man, and I sometimes fall into the "well make them do it through laws then" attitude because it's not fair. Here's a 2017 article from <a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/usa-china-income-inequality-economic-research/">CBS News</a> discussing income disparity. Ok, it's a irrelevant to this post, but I'll just put this quote here in case the link stops working.</div><blockquote>The top 1 percent of earners in America now take home about 20 percent of the country’s pretax national income, compared with less than 12 percent in 1978, according to the research the economists published at the National Bureau of Economic Research. Over the same time in China, the top 1 percent doubled their share of income, rising from about 6 percent to 12 percent. <br /><br />While that suggests that China and the U.S. are experiencing growth of inequality in tandem, there’s one major difference, which suggests the problem may be more dire on American soil. That regards how the bottom 50 percent of income earners are taking part in -- or in the case of the U.S., losing out on -- the country’s economic growth. <br /><br />America has experienced “a complete collapse of the bottom 50 percent income share in the U.S. between 1978 to 2015,” the authors wrote. “In contrast, and in spite of a similar qualitative trend, the bottom 50 percent share remains higher than the top 1 percent share in 2015 in China.”</blockquote><p>I can't say I love Joe Biden, but he seems to have empathy and he seems to care about people. He may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but at lest he's not a selfish jerk. And, with the general anger and hurt in our country, I feel like we need a kind healer at our head who will set a better example of love. I'm a firm believer that the head does influence the followers. Let me give you an example. When my husband and I were newlyweds, we lived in a ward that had a very formal bishop. The ward had a very proper feel that wasn't very friendly. It was rough. The ward boundaries changed and we were moved to a new ward. I was so happy that I started to cry! The new ward had a fun, energetic bishop, and the ward had that same feel. I can't say for sure that the leader totally set the tone for the members of the ward, but I believe he certainly had an influence. I believe that by having a kind leader at the top, it will influence at least some in our country to be a little bit better and not run rampant with whatever superiority they feel they have over others .</p><p>I appreciated my neighbor's observations that <a href="https://www.facebook.com/josh.freeman.921677/posts/3401336806645619?__cft__[0]=AZUu0Hdh8AX2gZX12xspwBomU1kJGHHB08gQNfrun2Bk522yN30OEFfoa9FFunynavj3kx4xvPGxdh5UAglkotVwtd5TdvS30bVmrjXOoJsyZWKE18QvC4-aDlYobUvhnuM&__tn__=%2CO%2CP-R">he posted on Facebook about the Presidential debate</a>. Basically he shared that Trump puts himself and money first and Biden puts humanity first. My neighbor's summary:</p><blockquote><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Now to the question of corruption, I think both are corrupt and use, have used and will continue to use their political influence for economic gain for themselves and their families. </div></div><div class="o9v6fnle cxmmr5t8 oygrvhab hcukyx3x c1et5uql ii04i59q" style="background-color: white; color: #050505; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; white-space: pre-wrap;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">These are just my observations fed and informed by my personal experiences, beliefs, and values, but at the end of the day it appears that this election is about money vs. people, and I personally value people more than money. Maybe that makes me an idiot or a sucker, but I can live with that.</div></div></blockquote><p>Ok, let's talk about issues. Usually I vote for what I feel would be best for our country. I even look at what issues line up best with my belief system. This year, though, I had to think differently. Maybe this is just a justification to help me feel better about voting for the "baby-killing" democrats, but I had to get it to make sense in my head.</p><p>The first issue that was hard to reconcile was abortion. I had to research this and see if Democrats are really a bunch of baby killers. Yes, some people want free-reign unaccountability-convenience disposal of their pregnancies, but I do know many more moderate Democrats don't want that. Even Bill Clinton said abortion should be safe, legal, and rare, and I totally agree, even if I can't stand the guy. I've been surprised by many members of our church who believe women should never have an abortion. Our church policy regarding abortion doesn't 100% condemn it (it grants some prayerfully made exceptions), so to some depending on how you define it, our Church would actually be pro-choice! Are you pro-life 100% all the time with no exceptions (not our church's stance), or are you pro-life with carefully considered exceptions? OR, are you pro-choice with very strict restrictions (or at the other end, are you pro-choice where you deny the consequences of your actions)? Those middle two might actually be the same thing! I've heard some say to just not consider the abortion issue this year, which I had to do because I felt there were bigger issues at hand: the country imploding on itself because of anger, and you know what else? Abortion personally doesn't affect me. There's a near 100% chance that I will never need to make that choice for me, so I'm not going to worry about it this election. I do not think abortions should be illegal, but I do think they should be restricted and carefully considered, and that people need to be responsible for their actions, and that should not include hasty abortions. <a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/us-policy/2019/02/06/tough-questions-answers-late-term-abortions-law-women-who-get-them/">A friend shared this article</a> with me regarding late-term and defining abortions. I thought it was very informative. BTW, that friend is not voting for Biden.</p><p>So how about an issue that does affect me? How about the environment. Like I mentioned above, our air here is generally pretty dirty. I was annoyed when Trump left the Paris Accord, but I was pleased and surprised that he wasn't lying when he said our air quality is actually better now (the water is worse, however). I'm glad the average air quality is better throughout the US, but we have work to do here in Utah. I'm not sure why the air is better now, but I feel strongly about supporting politicians who will support the environment. I don't like seeing the fires and the hurricanes, and I believe they are related to global warming. And yes, I believe that's a thing. I believe that we as members of the church need to be <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics/environmental-stewardship-and-conservation?lang=eng">good stewards of the environment</a>.</p><p>Taxes. Yes, they affect me, but if they go up a bit, it's not going to kill me. Of course I do want my tax money well-spent (and I'm sick about the waste that happens), but I do want to help those around me, and I'm ok if taxes assist in that regard. I do not like the tax cuts that have been made for the extremely wealthy or the breaks that have been made specifically to real estate, Donald Trump's profession. So, tax policy didn't really sway my vote this year.</p><p>Education. Education affects me. I have four kids in public schools. I'm disgusted by the way teachers are being put at risk in this pandemic. I'm disgusted that some subs in Utah make $9.75/hour when they go sub. I want teachers to make more professional wages somehow. I don't know where Trump is on education, but Biden's wife is an educator, and I'm hopeful that she will influence bolstering education if he wins. But since it's more a state issue than federal, I guess it's not a terribly big national deal. I do not take major issue with national benchmarks of learning because won't it actually help a child who moves from state to state to be at the same level no matter where he or she is?</p><p>Healthcare. You better believe healthcare affects me. I'm in my 40s, have had five babies, have found out I have a connective tissue disorder, and am kind of falling apart. A few months ago I was going to therapy at least five times a month! Now I'm down to three. If I pay out-of-pocket, I pay $80 each time. If I run it through the insurance, I pay my copay of $100, then get a statement for up to $240 more! About a month later after adjustments, I typically pay around $100 more per appointment, even though I already paid $100 as my copay. Self-pay, please! I know there are worse stories, too, and things need to be fixed. I have seen Trump make some headway on lowering prescription meds, which is good. We all waited intently to see how he would change the ACA, but since he mostly didn't, I kind of think he must have liked it. I can see there were some negatives to it, but it did make things better for my family. I still think we need major reform though. </p><p>Well, I'm getting tired of writing, and this turned out way longer than I expected, but I hope it will provide some insight to my future posterity regarding my thoughts on Election 2020. I believe the protections of our checks and balances work. I just wish they wouldn't be pitted against each other for party politics. I wish the parties and branches of the government would try a little harder to work together for the good of the people. I am excited for Amy Coney Barret. I think she seems like a good woman. I do think it's two-faced that she got put in at the end of Trump's term, yet the Republicans refused to vote on the guy Obama wanted to put in before his term was up. I hope if Biden wins that he doesn't pack the court because that seems dumb, and it will take so much time and effort to approve people. Anyway, I just hope getting Barrett in now doesn't create some negative repercussions later because the Democrats want to get back at the Republicans. Honestly, I feel like the Republicans, the party of old, white men, have been playing dirtier than the Democrats, and coming from conservative Utah, the reputation is how evil the Democrats are, but I don't know if they're as manipulative as the Republicans.</p><p>Lastly, since I'm contemplating government and politics, I've had a goal to read a book on the Constitution this year that my dad gave me. I'm going to guess that the author is Libertarian-leaning, but I'm not going to look it up until I'm done with the book. It has been a bit hard to read because the topic is SO BORING to me. I'm glad some people enjoy this stuff, but I'm just not one of them. According to the author, we currently do so many things already that are unconstitutional. He is probably right; at least he makes a good case. I feel we are so far into our way of life that to go back to being purely Constitutional would be really difficult, so we probably ought to focus on refining what we have. I've appreciated Sharlee Glenn's summary of how <a href="https://sharleeglenn.medium.com/october-21-2020-d38747d7b445">Trump is not Constitutional</a> as well as the many other things she has written (but that's more topics for another day!)</p><p>So, these are my thoughts on this election. I used issues that directly affect me to make my choice to vote for the Democrats. My facts may not all be right; they are probably generalized and biased. But, as a history minor, there is still value in knowing how people felt about things because that was their reality, and it helps to explain their actions.</p><p>But for now, despite what happens, I'll try to keep a good attitude and remember President Hinckley's words:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlGynQLdEpquH7ucZAVZHbKNeaOR4xZGXZUVqk8LK2Z5aVWjDfwJDcEHzCH0SK33UQ7k2E8Qqwz8njrlqBGrJAwgDMC1R_b9D-wFwJYcsiLxEpzlbL2nUyOHZ0CE3qjR1wQq3H_4fkd8uX/s960/c8c98744f481248b754ed60a0fca0cb4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlGynQLdEpquH7ucZAVZHbKNeaOR4xZGXZUVqk8LK2Z5aVWjDfwJDcEHzCH0SK33UQ7k2E8Qqwz8njrlqBGrJAwgDMC1R_b9D-wFwJYcsiLxEpzlbL2nUyOHZ0CE3qjR1wQq3H_4fkd8uX/s320/c8c98744f481248b754ed60a0fca0cb4.jpg" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-64346992134649308532020-05-05T19:47:00.000-07:002020-05-05T19:47:07.699-07:00When Women Don't Speak: BYU MagazineI don't have time to really write about this, but I need to save it this article that was in the BYU Magazine entitled, When Women Don't Speak by Brittany Karford Rogers. They did some studies on when women participate (or don't) in discussions and how to fix it. It doesn't really help women if there's just one woman on a committee, you have to have several for them to be able to feel free to share ideas and make an impact. So much good stuff here. So many women just nod their heads and don't comment, but we do have our ideas! Hopefully I get this right: women tend to get better grades than men, but they're not in the discussions to the extend you would think. Women tend to focus on social issues, not taxes and I can't remember what it said. Hopefully I can read this again some time and pull out some memorable quotes.<br />
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From personal experience, I certainly remember the difference between my acceptance and comfort in a PTA meeting and a Scout Committee Meeting, even when I was the committee chair.<br />
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<a href="https://magazine.byu.edu/article/when-women-dont-speak/?fbclid=IwAR2ZF2-Fntxu6y0-YzRSpikdeqe50t4n5SnodFJnO-rgrsgfJwYvV2muO90">https://magazine.byu.edu/article/when-women-dont-speak/?fbclid=IwAR2ZF2-Fntxu6y0-YzRSpikdeqe50t4n5SnodFJnO-rgrsgfJwYvV2muO90</a>Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-20417641052209594292020-03-29T20:38:00.000-07:002020-03-29T20:38:18.363-07:00Happy Belated Birthday Relief Society!Several years ago I found these quotes on my friend, Jan Tolman's blog (at least I think I think I found them all there). It used to be LDS Women of God, but now it's Relief Society Women. These are some of my favorites from the organization of the first Relief Society.<br />
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<br />Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-28599602910067711752020-03-28T22:23:00.002-07:002020-03-28T22:23:43.162-07:00I Learned It in Relief SocietyPartly from a Facebook post from the other day:<br /><br />I lay awake early this morning pondering where I learned many of the things that are becoming most useful during this crazy time (the pandemic and the Utah earthquakes, for future reference).<br /><br />Haircutting: at Relief Society<br />Gardening: Dick Dresher at Relief Society<br />Bread making: Sister Spencer and Jane Merrill at Relief Society and Iris Hunt<br />Food storage and emergency preparedness, at Relief Society and work in the Welfare Department for The Church of Jesus Christ of Later-day Saints<br /><br />(But what about sewing (one of my hobbies), you ask?: Mom, school, private lessons, Liz Clark, personal learning, but I probably could have learned some of that at Relief Society, too.)<br /><br />I'm glad Tiffany Litster inspired me to make Relief Society my social outing.<br /><br />And didn't I learn these things at home? Well, I watched my mom do them, but you know how stubborn kids are... It took some maturing to actually take them to heart.<div>
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Tomorrow I will try to post some of my favorite quotes from the founding of the Relief Society, but while I was listening to <i>Saints</i> the other day, I ran across this one from Eliza R. Snow:</div>
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"The society should be like a mother with her child. . . ." I feel so glad that I've had Relief Society to teach me skills that, at times, are invaluable, and I know it has made a world of difference to many more women, too.</div>
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Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-70033073598739839632020-03-01T16:54:00.000-07:002020-03-01T16:55:47.191-07:00In a Room of Great WomenBack on February 19th I had the opportunity to be in the the same room with some of the most powerful and influential women I have ever met! I went to UVU's Women & Leadership Project's The Status of Women Worldwide: Becoming Empowered as Global Citizens. I originally went to hear Valerie Hudson talk about the strength of societies in relation to how they treat women and Sharon Eubank talk about making a difference through worldwide organizations like LDS Charities, grassroots organizations, and individually. Valerie Hudson profoundly influenced my thought about ten years ago when I read her "Two Trees" article. I got to work with Sharon/Sister Eubank around 20 years ago when she hired on with LDS Employment Resource Services in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints' Welfare Department. I still have the toy she gave me for our first child when we had my work baby shower. I was astounded when Sharon eventually became HEAD of LDS Charities. Not that she couldn't do it, but she was the first woman to do it. Not only that, she was also asked to serve as part of the general Relief Society presidency, the largest women's organization in the world! I don't know how she has time for both because I know how busy the head of LDS Charities is because I was their staff assistant for a while.<br />
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So, not only were there cool speakers at this function, there were even other incredible women there! I found a seat on the front row (why not?), and after a minute or so, a tall woman asked if the seat next to me was open. Well, guess who it was? Vauna Davis. You might not know who she is, but she headed up Women for Decency and is involved with the Utah Coalition Against Pornography and additional anti-pornography programs. Seven years ago I was pretty involved in stuff and had actually volunteered to do Women for Decency's Pinterest page... well, it didn't last long, but I had an e-mail to show Vauna about it, lol. I, of course knew that she also knew my friends Michelle and Polly because of this work.<br />
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I'd seen a message that Sharlee Glenn was going to be there, too, and hoped to meet her. I hope you know who she is! Does MWEG - Mormon Women for Ethical Government ring a bell? This is what she had in the New York Times that very day: <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/19/opinion/mormons-religion-trump.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage&fbclid=IwAR0U30N2KQfOAKtg416xW9t976h5bB080ycP_Cf4mw2l5SJeYJq1pxMUxno#commentsContainer">https://www.nytimes.com/…/opin…/mormons-religion-trump.html…</a> Not only did I meet her, but she also introduced me to another founding member of MWEG, Linda Kimball.<br />
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Then I walked over to say hello to the Big Ocean Women Ladies, including Carol Allen and Ann Takasaki, who I had the opportunity to go with to part of the UN's Commission on the Status of Women 5 years ago (which I never even wrote about on here). While chatting with the Big Ocean ladies, I met another woman, whose name I can't remember, who's involved with Days for Girls, another fantastic organization!<br />
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And to top it all off, one of the sponsors was MX, the company my husband worked for for around 7 months last year.<br />
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I don't know how many more amazing women were in that room, but I'm sure there were many, and I felt totally honored to be in their presence. I even got a little choked up about it on the drive home. There was real power in that room.<br />
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I'm not going to write a big summary, but Valerie Hudson talked about her new book <i>The First Political Order: How Sex Shapes Governance and National Security Worldwide.</i> She spoke a little about how the common measurements of literacy, participation in the labor force, and parliamentary representation are not real indicators of women's empowerment in life, but it's more about:</div>
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<li>How much say does a woman have about getting married? How old is she when she is married?</li>
<li>How much say does a woman have within her marriage?</li>
<li>What types of property and inheritance rights do women have?</li>
<li>Are there are inequities in family law, such as in matters of divorce and child custody?</li>
<li>Is marriage patrilocal? Are brideprice or dowry paid? Is polygyny or co-[sorry, it got cut out of my picture] marriage prevalent?</li>
<li>Does the society view domestic violence and femicide as normal, even expected?</li>
<li>Is rape treated as a property crime?</li>
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It became very clear that even though some countries educate their women and get them involved in government, if they're not treated well on the home-front, all the education and government participation means nothing; the women are still trapped. Many of the things Trump does and says toward women does not create a secure feeling for women, and I don't think his example helps men in our country treat women better.</div>
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At the end of the lectures, someone mentioned that we need more women in Utah politics, and I thought, but if they're happy where they are because they're treated well, does it make a difference? Maybe they feel fairly represented, and that's fine. It reminds me of that quote from <i>My Big Fat Greek Wedding</i>, "Let me tell you something Toula; the man is the head, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she wants." Maybe more women have that kind of influence than we know. But heck, if you're a woman and want to get into politics, more power to you! I mean, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/janvgarbett/" target="_blank">GO JAN GARBETT</a>! She's a great lady just like the ones mentioned above. I've met her. But, if you're happy where you are, and fairly treated, you may as well enjoy it, AND keep on making progress in your own circles as you see fit.</div>
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Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-62925756861228017482020-02-18T13:47:00.000-07:002020-02-18T13:51:59.725-07:00The Girl with the Seven NamesYesterday I finished <i>The Girl with the Seven Names</i> by Hyeonseo Lee while on the way back from St. George. She is a North Korean defector who originally didn't intend to defect. This story has similarities to <i>Where the Wind Leads</i> by Vinh Chung, but it's not quite as exciting, and there aren't quite so many miracles, but oh so interesting to learn more about life in North Korea! I need to go look up her TEd talk now!<br />
<br />
And a few quotes and thoughts:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"She liked to dress well because she thought this made up for plain and ordinary looks." (Chapter 1)</blockquote>
Perhaps I ought to dress better to make up for my plain and ordinary looks? I do try to smile to make up for my plain and ordinary looks, but my plain and ordinary personality causes me to wear generally plain and ordinary clothes. I did a research paper once on how better looking/better dressed people get treated better. but I'm still pretty plain and ordinary. <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"If a couple loved each other too much, it would condense all the affection that should last a lifetime into too short a period and one of them would die young." (Chapter 1)</blockquote>
Oh that's a disheartening belief!<br />
<br />
The birth of Kim Jong Il:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"His birth was foretold by miraculous signs in the heavens: a double rainbow over Mount Pectu, swallows singing songs of praise with human voices, and the appearance of a bright new star in the sky." (Chapter 4)</blockquote>
It's interesting that he would choose similarities to the signs of Christ's birth. Maybe that's why he didn't want them knowing anything of Christianity because they'd see that he copied parts of the signs of Christ's birth. It's like he thought of himself as a combination of Christ, Santa Claus, and an Egyptian pharoah. The author points out later in the book, that the only person with real freedom in North Korea is the ruler, not the people.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Women had to be more careful than men in their attitude toward everything in life." (Chapter 17) Sad, but true.</blockquote>
<br />
The name she got when she was engaged to someone she didn't want to be engaged to: "My new name meant: the person who respects elders and makes a good wife by following her husband and listening really well to him." (Chapter 22) How insulting!<br />
<br />
Lee experienced miracles in her life. A train worker helped them get away from another worker, and in a culture where people often turn each other in to authorities for crimes, no other passengers on the train exposed her hiding family (Chapter 6). In chapter 45, when Lee is helping her mother and brother defect, while in transport, after openly speaking Korean with one another, they are stopped by an officer at a checkpoint, and her brother and mother pretend to be deaf and mute and no one turns them in! In Chapter 48, Dick from Australia miraculously comes to her aid. He gives her money, lets her stay in his guest house, and accompanies her to the jail. She hadn't experienced such kindness with no strings attached. She says "Random acts of kindness had been so rare that they'd stick in my memory. . . . He showed me that there was another world where strangers help strangers for no other reason than that it is good to do so. . . . From the day I met him, the worlds was a less cynical place. I started feeling warmth for other people. This seemed so natural, and yet I'd never felt it before."Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-68121954921858657772020-02-06T14:36:00.003-07:002020-02-06T14:38:24.121-07:00Girl Power from Where the Crawdads SingYes, I've been listening to books lately. My friends have a book club that I don't really go to, but lately since my youngest is in preschool, I've been trying to listen to some of them so that I won't feel like such an intruder if I do decide to stop in at one of their meetings. <i>Where the Crawdads Sing</i> was good like many of the others, but I think I prefer nonfiction. It's hard spending so much time on anything not to have it be really inspirational. Anyway, I liked this empowering line from Chapter 17.<br />
<br />
Upon entering womanhood: "...this ain't nothing to be ashamed of. It ain't no curse like folks say. This here's the starting of all life and only a woman can do it. You're a woman now, baby!"<br />
<br />
I beg to differ about the curse part, but this is a job only we women can do, and I liked that.Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-63201894329393738122020-01-13T14:21:00.002-07:002020-01-13T14:21:52.714-07:00Relationship Advice from the Tattooist of AuschwitzI finished listening to <i>The Tattooist of Auschwitz</i> the other day. It's not a very long book, and about half way through, well even in the beginning, I decided I didn't really like it. I couldn't really stomach it. My patience for these things must have expired in my tween/teen years when I read all the youth books about World War II at the local library. I was annoyed with <i>The Tattooist of Auschwitz</i> because how on Earth could there even be a romance in a concentration camp??? What an oxymoron. It was so unrealistic. Then, I looked into it to see how much of it is based on true events.<br />
<br />
If you didn't know, the author interviewed Lali/Lale to make his life history, but wrote it into a screenplay, then the book. So, it's probably more true than not, but you never know how accurate your memory is, but I guess to Lali/e, it is for the most part how he remembered it, accurate or not. So, I finished the book. Of course it was horrible and uncomfortable in parts, but I loved that Lali/e loved women as people. I loved that he adored his to-be wife.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
After breaking up their fights his mother would take him aside and explain to him that he would find someone else to love and care for. He never wanted to believe her. As he became a young man, he would run home to his mother each day for the hugged greeting, the feel of her comforting body, her soft skin, the kisses she planted on his forehead. "What can I do to help you?" He would say. "You're such a good boy. You will make someone a wonderful husband some day." "Tell me what to do to be a good husband. I don't want to be like Papa. He doesn't make you smile. He doesn't help you. . . . I want the girl I marry to like me, to be happy with me. . . ." "You must first learn to listen to her, even if you are tired. Never be too tired to listen to what she has to say. Learn what she likes, and more importantly what she doesn't like. When you can, give her little treats: flowers, chocolates. Women like these things. . . ." (Chapter 19, around 4:56)</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Growing up, it was a very loving family life. The devotion my parents had to each other was total and uncompromising. When many in their circle of friends started getting divorced, I went to my mother and asked how she and my father had managed to stay together for so many years. Her response was very simple: "Nobody is perfect. Your father has always taken care of me since the first day we met in Berkenau. I know he is not perfect, but I also know he will always put me first." (Gary, their only child, Afterward, around 7:21)</blockquote>
And a bonus, but about optimism:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
How can you just pack and sing? With a big smile on her face she said that when you spend years not knowing if in five minutes time you'll be dead, there is not much you can't deal with. She said, as long as you are alive and healthy, everything will work out for the best. (Said to Gary by his mother, Gita, when his father had to close his business and their house was auctioned, Afterward, around 7:24)</blockquote>
Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-67481706445937611012020-01-09T21:00:00.000-07:002020-01-13T13:14:02.136-07:00Self ImageI was deleting screen shots on my phone the other day while watching <i>Willy Wonka</i> with the kids and ran across quite had few little gems about self image; I guess it's a theme in my life, just like most women.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Because Satan is miserable without a body, he wants us to be miserable because of ours. - President Russell M. Nelson, "We Can Do Better and Be Better," April General Conference, 2019</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
. . . [A]re you more interested in dressing and grooming your body to appeal to the world than to please God?" - President Russell M. Nelson, "We Can Do Better and Be Better," April General Conference, 2019</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
If Satan can get us to fixate on our bodies, either in vanity or self loathing, then he has caused us to misunderstand completely the role our bodies play in salvation. - Tessa Meyer Santiago/LDS Living</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Manage physical desires in a healthy way. - Youth Guidebook, Physical Goal Ideas, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
How any woman does what they do is beyond comprehension. - Prince Harry after Meghan Markle gave birth to their son</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
When we think we need more self-discipline, we usually need more self-love." - Tara Mohr </blockquote>
Related to that last one, I didn't save it, but someone posted on Facebook recently about the myth of self-care. It basically said that rather than turning to pampering yourself, you just need to turn to God. Then, someone posted in the comments a link to something else saying that rather than feeling like you need to keep up with the Jones's, and needing all that self care because keeping up with the Jones' is so much work, maybe you just need to let go and give yourself a break! That's a total paraphrase of two posts/articles, btw. Anyway, good food for thought.<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
</blockquote>
Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-43225647382960382942020-01-05T20:45:00.001-07:002020-01-05T20:48:45.379-07:00I Read The Magnolia Story!While browsing through my library app, I saw that <i>The Magnolia Story</i> by Chip and JoAnna Gaines was available. I can't say I've ever watched the show (maybe in a hotel room on a trip once, well part of it? Maybe an advertisement for it?), and I think I went to the Web site once? But even then, I oddly do know who they are and what they're about.<br />
<br />
This was a fun, short read (well, listen). I loved how they openly talked of God and faith and listening to that Still, Small Voice. I was so impressed with Jo when she felt it was time to stay home with her babies and she DID!<br />
<br />
I related so much to Jo's conservative personality and cracked up over Chip's craziness. My husband has a similar personality, but as a software engineer, rather than a DIY/RE/whatever guy, if that's even possible.<br />
<br />
I love that they work so well as a team on their projects. I love projects too, but sadly, my husband DOES NOT! He is not handy and does not want to be. We do not work well together like Chip and JoAnna. I had to birth a son and raise him to work on projects with me. We work well together.<br />
<br />
I was thinking about <i>Fixer Upper </i>and wondered why so many people are drawn to it. I wonder if its success is because the Gaines' are willing to share their faith along with their story. Earlier in the year, I listened to <i>The Impossible </i>(=><i>Breakthrough, </i>the movie), the one where the boy falls through the ice and is DEAD, but he comes back to life after his mother's great faith and prayers. With that story, I also wondered if their family experienced such great miracles because God knew they would share them, and it would be a witness that would draw more people to Him.<br />
<br />
And lastly, I loved this quote at the end:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Being on a farm is something we both dreamed about, and in the hustle and bustle of our busy life, when I come back here to this place I love it always takes me back to the basics. . . . There's something about doing things the way our ancestors used to do them that puts your heart back into the rhythm of this thing called life. It's why I think cooking for my family is important. It's why I love making things with my hands, designing with my hands, and gardening with my hands. (Chapter 15, 4:49) </blockquote>
I agree that doing things with your hands keeps it so real! I feel a connection with those who have gone on before when I do things how they did it. I think it's a way to stay grounded.Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-12674488830038530542019-12-29T22:34:00.001-07:002019-12-29T22:34:48.128-07:00Becoming by Michelle ObamaI really enjoyed listening to <i>Becoming</i> by and read by Michelle Obama. I can't say I knew all that much about the Obama's before this book, but I can say, if I knew her in real life, I'd want to be her friend. I loved in the book how she so clearly identified the struggles of being a woman/wife/mother sometimes. We obviously have chosen different life paths with her being a career woman and me being a stay-at-home mom, but our thoughts and frustrations are often the same. I love that she had such a desire to be a mom! She loved her dolls as a kid, and helped kids in an after school program in college, and always knew she wanted her own children. If I'm completely honest, a big part of us having kids was we felt we should, so we did. We were so logical and practical, that it was easy to see that kids would make life harder. I wish I'd been born with more of those maternal desires like Michelle! (I am happy I'm a mom and wouldn't have it any other way, so don't think I'm miserable or anything :) We have great kids that bring us a lot of joy!).<br />
<br />
I saved a few quotes from the book. I don't know if I got the punctuation right as I was typing what I heard, but you'll get the idea.<br />
<br />
(Chapter 2 around 1:04) Now that I'm an adult, I realize that kids know at a very young age when they're being devalued---when adults aren't invested enough to help them learn. Their anger over it can manifest itself as unruliness. It's hardly their fault. They aren't bad kids, they're just trying to survive bad circumstances.<br />
<br />
(Chapter 4 around 2:18/19) Just as I never wondered what it was like for my mother to be a full-time-at-home mother, I never wondered then what it meant to be married. . . .My mother would tell me that every year when spring came and the air warmed up in Chicago, she entertained thoughts about leaving my father. I don't know if these thoughts were actually serious or not. I don't know if she considered the idea for an hour or for a day or for most of the season, but for her it was an act of fantasy. Something that felt healthy and maybe even energizing to ponder, almost as ritual. I understand now that even a happy marriage can be a vexation and it's a contract best renewed and renewed again even quietly and privately, even alone. I don't think my mother ever announced whatever her doubts and discontents were to my father directly, and I don't think she let him in on whatever alternative life she may have been dreaming about during those times... I don't know [where she imagined herself], but I don't think it matters. . . (about 2:22) [And then, as you're doing your spring cleaning year after year] . . . It allows you to think, to wonder if you've missed out on other possibilities by becoming a wife to this man in this house with these children. Maybe you spend the whole day considering how to live before finally you fit every window back into it's frame and empty your bucket of Pine-sol into the sink, and maybe now all your certainty returns because yes, truly it's spring, and once again you've made the choice to stay.<br />
<br />
(Chapter 13 8:23) I wanted a family, and Barack wanted a family, too, and now here I was alone in the bathroom of our apartment, trying in the name of all of that want to screw up the courage to plunge a syringe into my thigh. I twas maybe then that I felt a first flicker of resentment involving politics and Barack's unshakable commitment to the work. Or maybe I was just feeling the acute burden of being female. Either way, he was gone and I was here carrying the responsibility. I sensed that the sacrifices would be more mine than his. In the weeks to come, he'd go about his regular business while I went in for daily ultrasounds to monitor my eggs. He wouldn't have his blood drawn. He wouldn't have to cancel any meetings to have a cervix inspection. He was doting and invested, my husband, doing what he could do. He read all the IVF literature and would talk to me all night about it, but his only actual duty was to show up at the doctor's office and provide some sperm, and then if he chose, he could go have a martini afterward. None of this was his fault, but it wasn't equal either, and for any woman who lives by the mantra that equality is important, this can be a little confusing. It was me who'd alter everything, putting my passions and career dreams on hold to fulfill this piece of our dream. I found myself in a small moment of reckoning. Did I want it? Yes. I wanted it so much. And with this, I hoisted the needle and sank it into my flesh. [Eventually we got pregnant] Suddenly the responsibility and relative sacrifice meant something completely different. . . now everything appeared perfectly in place. I walked around with a secret inside of me. This was my privilege, the gift of being female. I felt bright with a promise of what I carried.<br />
<br />
(Chapter 14 around 8:52) [When their caregiver got a new job] Her investment in my family had allowed me to maintain my investment in my job.<br />
<br />
(Chapter 14 around 8:57) Our afternoons [with her mom-friends] taught me that there was no formula for motherhood. No single approach could be deemed right or wrong.<br />
[I think young kids do best with their own mamas, but I also believe everyone has their own circumstances to work with and their agency. I love that Michelle supports everyone in how they want to do it.]<br />
<br />
(Chapter 14 around 9:13) I now tried out a new hypothesis. It was possible that I was more in charge of my happiness than I was allowing myself to be. I was too busy resenting Barack for managing to fit workouts into his schedule, for example, to even begin figuring out how to exercise regularly for myself.<br />
[Oh the struggle is real.]<br />
<br />
(Chapter 15 around 9:50) At least in some spheres, I was now Mrs. Obama in a way that could feel diminishing: A Mrs. defined by her Mr.<br />
[My husband has gotten a new job, well two this year, affirming his value in the workplace. The longer I'm away from collaborating with others, and the more I give up my hobbies and thoughts, the less value I feel in myself. I'm trying to dig myself out of this place. It's crazy the opposition in how he can feel such value and I feel so isolated.]<br />
<br />
The rest of the book is more into their terms in office, and it's fun to remember the events mentioned, well, except I'm still sad about the gay marriage stuff when you're trying to keep God's law. It really is true that when you know someone, you don't judge them so much. I bet if a lot of the haters read this book, they wouldn't be so harsh and would see the Obamas as people, which they obviously are. I didn't vote for Barrack back then, but I'm glad to know their family story and learn more of their struggles, goodness, and dedication.<br />
<br />Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-31335993950514596972019-12-16T13:24:00.000-07:002019-12-16T13:24:04.426-07:00Where the Wind Leads: A Book ReviewSo I'm a part of a book club. . . sort of. I think I really don't like being compelled to read things others are reading, so I don't usually go to the neighborhood book club. I guess my time is too precious to read books that I'm not really interested in. Since my youngest has stared preschool, I have listened to several books. Probably my favorite so far is <i>Where the Wind Leads</i> by Vinh Chung. It is a crazy, amazing story about some people of Chinese descent who became refugees from Vietnam, and the author happens to be just a couple older months than me! So, if I were to host a book club, here's where I might go with it:<br />
<br />
<b>Beauty</b><br />
Chung mentions what is a "beautiful woman." In Chinese culture, it is more than just physical beauty! How wonderful! (A little before 1:03)<br />
<br />
At 3:15 when they're on a boat overtaken by pirates who brought the threat of rape, Chung says "women who had spent their entire lives making themselves as attractive as possible were now frantically trying everything they could think of to make themselves unappealing."<br />
<br /><b>Boys vs. Girls</b><br /><div>
At 1:08 Chung talks about how sons and daughters are different in marriage, well even how boys are looked at as good and girls as bad, generally in Chinese culture. This is one I'd always wondered about. In Chinese culture, it is favored to have sons because when they marry, you gain a daughter-in-law who helps with the household. When a daughter marries, you lose her to her in-laws, and that takes away from your family, which is bad. So that at least somewhat explains why sons are favored there and daughters are not.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Chung's family had a multi-million dollar rice and shipping business in Vietnam. Because of their wealth, his father felt he had some entitlements, like a mistress. At 1:36, Chung says: "having a mistress was acceptable, but still not right." How I love his morality! Just because something is accepted or even legal, doesn't make it right!<br /><br /><b>Attitudes toward Women</b></div>
<div>
At 1:21, Chung talks about how his mother did so much work: Shopping, laundry, mopping, ironing, cooking, killing the chicken, and massaging grandma every day from 1966-1979. How incredibly exhausting! He says at 1:22 that serving your family and making a big contribution like this in traditional Chinese culture is a great honor. Despite the honor, at 1:31, his mother became depressed and suicidal. I'm afraid with that workload, I might become depressed and suicidal, too! We often hear the argument that if we honored women and service work more, then it wouldn't be so despised. However, here we have a culture where those things were honored, and yet, his mother was still depressed and suicidal. This is telling me that there's more to it than respecting women's work. I'm not sure what it is, maybe it's sharing the workload?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Because Chungs mother did not kill herself, at 1:30 he says: "living can be a sacrifice, too. Dying might require more love, but living takes more endurance." The mother was SO STRONG in this book.<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Miracles</b></div>
<div>
Their family experienced so many miracles in their life/journey!!<br /><ul>
<li>mother being protected when she was separated, finding her family</li>
<li>The boat hadn't sunk, the rope of the pirates broke</li>
<li>the conversion of the Father, the praying by the father on the boat to bring rain and then make it stop</li>
</ul>
<div>
<b>Proverbs</b></div>
<div>
Chung shared so many lovely Chinese proverbs in this book. I didn't write them all down, but here's one:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"When you eat the fruit, remember who planted the tree." Don't you love it? There were so many more!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>In the End</b></div>
<div>
Chung leads out the following discussions at the end of the book:</div>
<div>
<b><br /></b></div>
Who do you think sent the boat?<br />God sent the boat<br />What does he expect you to do now?<br />Now that I'm safely ashore, he expects me to send the boat back for someone else<br /><br />He goes on to another, but somewhat related topic:<br /><ul>
<li>How can I give my children all the things I never had without allowing them to become complacent?</li>
<li>How do I teach them that America is a land of opportunity that was never meant to be a place of entitlement?</li>
<li>How do I allow them comfort and ease, but instead instill in them the value of hard work?</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
Where we live, we are faced with so much those last three questions! I wish I had the answer!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I recommend this book to everyone! It was stirring to read such a personal account of this refugee family. I hope it opens our hearts to do and to give more.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-92115221286698722092019-12-16T12:47:00.003-07:002019-12-16T12:53:23.272-07:00A Bitter RealizationI used to be an optimist, then, a year or so ago, I did one of those little quizzes and it said I was a pessimist! I thought, "Whaaat? No way!!" I couldn't immediately identify things that would make me a pessimist, but a few months ago, I realized some things that have made me, well, a more bitter person. I won't go into details, but I've just had a lot of disappointments, that I guess have made me, well, bitter.<br />
<br />
Ok, maybe I will go into a few details. Almost 4 and a half years ago we moved to another city. I lost quick access to my parents as well as my reliable friends. That left me a bit trapped and unable to do anything I might like to do, like write, or think a thought longer than 20 seconds. Now, of course, LOTS of people don't have the luxury of parents and friends, but it was new to me, and the change was hard.<br />
<br />
Another thing that probably made me bitter was the change in culture from old city to new city. We came from a city/neighborhood where many people put a lot in to serving in church and in the school. It was like a well-oiled machine. We moved to a place where people weren't as interested in "putting their shoulder to the wheel," but were more interested in having "other people do it." When you're the "other person doing it," you realize you can't do it all, and you become unwilling to do it all to meet some imaginary (although fun and cool) expectation you used to have. The new city was more like someone dumped out the Ikea parts and wasn't sure what to do with them.<br />
<br />
In a church sense, I've been with Scouts since we moved here: first as a Cub leader, then left without a partner for about 6 months, and also asked to be the Boy Scout Committee Chair at the same time. It was ROUGH with four kids, a new baby, and husband as Scoutmaster, then YM President. He had been my Cub partner, until he was asked to be Scoutmaster. He still filled in as my second adult, though. I did get a break from being the Chair for a while, but am doing it again now until the end. It's honestly hard working with men who don't see the value of your position and don't (well didn't) take seriously what they'd been asked to do with a Scout program. At first I pushed it and pushed it and tried to make it easy for them, but then after some major failures (like camp just not happening because leaders wouldn't come - this was even BEFORE the announcement of the discontinuation of Scouts), I realized sometimes it's just not worth it to push people into something they're not willing to do themselves, and have all the exhaustion and pain land on you. My husband now says, "you've just got to meet people where they're at." That was quite a change from trying to run the perfect program with imperfect and unwilling leaders. Anyway, I think this experience has made me a bit bitter, too.<br />
<br />
I've also had some friendship fails the last several years. That's been rough, too. I think I'm a bit odd in that I'm not a girly, fashionable girl, I like to conserve and serve, I prefer Women's Conference over Book Club retreats, I like Relief Society activities more than book club, etc. Sometimes when friends don't work out, you get a little bitter and don't want to try again.<br />
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Well that's enough about being bitter. I hope I don't come across outwardly as being bitter, but I can see it reflected in some things I've written. Things are getting easier. The baby is now 4! Our oldest drives! We have good employment! Things are good, but life is sometimes hard and lonely.Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-24622331007385814192019-07-07T09:34:00.001-07:002019-07-07T09:36:56.946-07:00Pulling the Handcart AloneLast month my husband and I got to go on trek for our second time, this time with our 15 year old son! The first time we went, 5 years ago, the women's pull was very effective, so much that I NEVER wanted to do that again. We started out with just the mas pulling the handcarts. As I tried to start, I discovered my handcart was stuck on a little rock. It took all I had to get it rolling. Not soon after, I thought I was going to die. My heart was pounding harder than it ever has. I seriously wondered if I was going to have a heart attack or stroke. My breathing got very shallow and I wondered if that's what asthma felt like as I struggled for breath. I was so glad when "my" daughters were able to join me when the slope started, and then the sons and husbands as we got near the top of the hill. When we all stopped, we "processed" our experience and talked about how there are some things women do that men just can't help with. We talked about how when a woman has a baby, that's something she has to do on her own, and her husband just stands there wishing he could do something to help. We talked about other things, but I don't recall the details.<br />
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On this recent trek, they were careful to make the women's pull not too hard; however, they were so careful that it was pretty easy. The guys hiked off with some handcarts, and then women from different families joined up together. I think most of us families ended up with more people pushing the carts than we did when our men were with us. Girls complained that this was so easy, and that they'd made it easy because they didn't think we could do it. It was kind of a sad, missed opportunity. At the top of the hill, my husband and I still wanted to "process" with the kids. We talked about how sometimes we women have to do things alone, but that we CAN do it. We talked about how we are strong. We talked about men and women are different and we're meant to be that way, and it is ok to accept help from men; we don't HAVE to do it on our own, even if we are able.<br />
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After trek I was thinking about how much prep I'd done for trek, for me, my husband, and son, and even in sewing clothing with one of my daughters for others. Preparations started months in advance. Then there was cleaning up trek and returning all the borrowed stuff. Then there was preparing for the family reunion, and of course normal housekeeping and cooking, appointments, calling, kids activities, etc. etc. I was getting burned out and fighting colds and getting cold sores. I realized I was pulling the handcart alone or almost alone. My husband was busy with work and his calling and not thinking much how he could help me. I could have asked him for help, but saw he was just busy. I could have somehow talked the kids into helping more, but it's so hard when they resist. I don't know how I could have gotten more help, but the point was driven that we all have to be aware of those around us so that we can notice when they are pulling the handcart alone and do something about it.<br />
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On a related, but different note, I had the feeling on trek that youth need to feel useful. Our present culture often allows teens this lifestyle where they are spoon-fed, yet they are sad (especially where we live), and I wonder if they need to feel needed. I've heard that the teen years (and even into the 20s these days) is a new invention. Years ago, a person went from being a child to being an adult with adult responsibilities without these middle years. I realized that pulling handcarts is a really good way to make everyone feel needed, and the kids on trek were generally SO HAPPY. I now keep pondering how can I help my teenagers feel needed and critical to our family unit. I'm sure there's a way to meet their need to be needed and my need to not pull the handcart alone. But why is it easier to get your kid to pull a handcart than to vacuum out the car?Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-56868951084898937782019-05-21T12:54:00.000-07:002019-05-21T13:11:10.013-07:00What brings you joy?This is weird. Three posts in three days? Things must be getting better!<br />
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I was just cleaning the massive mess in the cubbies below our tv and found this little "joy" journal that came from who knows where. I flipped through it to see if there were any blank pages left as to know whether to toss it or keep it and discovered the author's bio at the back of the book. Author, Wendy Santiano mother of small children, remembered feeling "overwhelmed and . . . really lost in life . . . [and] numb. . . ." when she realized that she did actually remember what it was like to experience joy. Well that sounds familiar on so many levels.<br />
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I flipped to the front of the little booklet, read it and came up with my joys:<br />
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1. Service: Service has been such a part of my life for well, pretty much all of it, I guess I can say it does bring me joy. I love coordinating with people and organizing and being there to help.<br />
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2. Learning: I love to learn or discover new knowledge, which actually leads to writing.<br />
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3. Dates: I love spending time with my husband! Watching shows or going on walks and talking. Planning things together.<br />
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4. Kids: I love it when the kids are kind and make good choices. I love it when they are happy and at peace. I love it when they reach their goals. I'm trying to figure out how to react when they are mean or have sad failures. I didn't think stuff like that would affect me like it does.<br />
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5. Build: I love to build. It could be "building" dinner, ok, we usually say cooking. It could be "building" a costume; we usually call that sewing. It could be working in the yard or fixing something in the home. President Uchtdorf called this creating.<br />
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6. Adventure: Well, I used to have a sense of adventure before I got all mom-serious and bogged down. I kind of gave up on adventure, too, when the kids complained about stuff like hiking or were too small to bike and things like that.<br />
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7. Exercise: I can't believe I'm writing this, but one of the biggest joys I had was once after running. I pushed it and felt so good! I really have a love-hate relationship with exercise because it's hard, and I really don't find it fun at all. But, it makes me feel so strong when I work hard at it, and I like that! I want to do it, but it's been so hard the last 16 years to really do it, with kids.<br />
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This all reminds me of all the health classes I took in college where we talked about the different elements of health: social, emotional, physical, intellectual, spiritual, etc. The list varied by class. In one class we were challenged to do something from each category every day to remain balanced and healthy. As a mother, I realize I totally stink at that. I guess in college, I did, too, because I thought our assignment was to one each day, not each one once a day. I can pull off one a day, but all of them?<br />
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Every year our school has a "Sharpen the Saw" weekend based off of Covey's 7 Habits of Happy Kids. My cute first grader brought home a little book about what sharpen the saw means. Basically it's take care of body, mind, heart, and soul to stay balanced. I'm ok at making sure everyone else stays balanced, but pretty much stink at making sure I take care of myself.<br />
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So, there ya go. I'm feeling awfully vulnerable blogging again. It's been quite a while. I'll try to focus on my joys and see if my outlook improves because Santiano said, "Joy matters because you matter." And I know I do, it's just sometimes it hasn't felt like it.Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-13431214018584103572019-05-20T12:36:00.003-07:002019-05-20T12:36:53.819-07:00"My Mother Sacrificed Everything"This Mother's Day I saw at least a couple posts from children honoring their mothers by saying their mothers sacrificed everything for their children---they were at every game, every recital. . . . All I know is that we TRY to be to every game, but sometimes it's not even possible because someone else has, or a couple others have, something going on. Luckily it's not that frequent as our kids aren't in that much stuff compared to many. I don't know if something's wrong with me, but the thought of mom sacrificing everything made me kind of sad. Maybe she had some hopes and dreams she was able to fulfill when she was not taking care of kids, but ultimately, I guess I hope someone had her back, too.<br />
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I guess I'm in a stage where I feel I'm drowning a bit. I am coming out of it, and we're figuring out a balance. I guess I'm just not the type who can give up EVERYTHING. I suppose some people are completely fulfilled taking care of families, but I can't say that it fills me up; right now it sucks most everything out of me. Maybe I'm doing it wrong, and obviously I'm STILL trying to figure it out.<br />
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This isn't really related, but yes, the physical demands of little children is super hard. But, I had no idea that the eventual moodiness of teenagers would affect me emotionally like it does!<br />
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I'm glad I've had a little time to have a few thoughts lately, even if they are kind of depressing. Hopefully I can get a bit more upbeat when it comes to parenting.Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-69442463931105109782019-05-19T22:19:00.000-07:002019-05-19T22:19:04.532-07:00Can you do cool stuff and still have a family?I've been enjoying the heck out of the <a href="https://www.whatshernamepodcast.com/" target="_blank">What's Her Name Podcasts</a>. However, I've realized that very few of the women reported on had children! I'm sure some of them did, but since that was such a normal thing, it wasn't worth the mention, maybe. But, it seems that in history if you were to do anything really cool, you didn't have children. Maybe if you had them, it just took you out of the ability-to-do-something-cool circle. While on the treadmill yesterday, I also turned on the Annie Oakley American Experience on PBS. Again: no children!<br />
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Is it really not possible to do cool stuff if you have kids? I was reminded tonight that yes, you can. I went to a Young Women's fireside with my daughter and husband where our mayor spoke. She's a woman, three years older than me. Her kids are older than mine; she started much sooner than I did. She dropped out of college because the babies kept coming and she felt it was what she needed to do at that time. She's back in school now working on a bachelor's with the goal to get a master's eventually.<br />
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Isn't it funny that I thought that the worst thing possible that could happen to me while in college was to get married and then get pregnant because that would ruin my educational plans? I guess for me I wasn't ready for the sacrifice of parent responsibilities, but some young people do it, and well! I would have thought people who do this were silly back then, but I admire them now, especially when they re-enter the college scene to continue their education as an older adult.<br />
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Kathryn Skaggs of Latter-day Saint Women Stand, a grandma, is doing it. My friend Emily M. S. just graduated with a law degree. How I admire them for having the guts to go back amidst having a family life!<br />
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As for women doing cool stuff AND having children, it does happen, and maybe it's more acceptable to do it now, but Carol Allen of Big Ocean Women has lots of kids and she's getting the word out there on maternal feminism. On the MWEG Facebook discussion group, there was a conversation about women who've gotten involved in the public sphere/politically who are Latter-day Saints. There are MANY MANY. My follow-up question is how many children do they each have? My hope is renewed in that you can do cool stuff and still have children; you don't have to give up family life to change the world.<br />
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I feel that the message to our local young women and young mothers is you get to choose - do what YOU want when you want, and you can really see a decline in family size because of this. So, it was refreshing to see the example of our mayor CHOOSING to have a family during those prime child-bearing years, but still eventually be involved so strongly in the community.Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-748179198768535574.post-66267318312237232772017-07-16T13:06:00.000-07:002017-07-16T13:06:24.520-07:00Defending marriage and family or defending women?There was an interesting comment in Relief Society today. I don't know if I disagree or agree, but I don't have the clarity on it. Maybe it's an opposition in all things kind of thing.<br />
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Elder Christofferson said this in April's General Conference:<br />
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<em style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: "Open Sans", Zoram, "noto sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;">Deseret News</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "Open Sans", Zoram, "noto sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px;"> opinion editor Hal Boyd cited one example of the disservice inherent in staying silent. He noted that while the idea of marriage is still a matter of “intellectual debate” among elites in American society, marriage itself is not a matter of debate for them in practice. “‘Elites get and stay married and make sure their kids enjoy the benefits of stable marriage.’ … The problem, however, is that [they] tend not to preach what they practice.” They don’t want to “impose” on those who really could use their moral leadership, but “it is perhaps time for those with education and strong families to stop feigning neutrality and start preaching what they practice pertaining to marriage and parenting … [and] help their fellow Americans embrace it.”</span><a class="note-ref" href="https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2017/04/the-voice-of-warning?lang=eng#note32" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #147ea7; font-family: "Open Sans", Zoram, "noto sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; text-decoration-line: none; transition: color 0.3s;"><span class="marker" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 13.5px; line-height: 0; position: relative; top: -0.5em; vertical-align: baseline;">32</span></a></blockquote>
I think the teacher then asked how we share the concept of marriage or support it. Perhaps she didn't ask the question, but that's where the discussion was leading. One sister reminded us how Mike Pence was basically attacked for not going to lunch with women. Here he was trying to do a good thing, but people won't honor him in that respect for his wife, that personal boundary.<br />
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Another sister raised her hand and as a professional feels such discrimination when things like that happen. However, at the same time, her husband doesn't like it when she goes out with other men, so she tries to go out to cafeterias/open settings, or invite another person along.<br />
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When I was single and did anything one-on-one with a guy, it was great. No questions asked. It was like a date. It was even an opportunity to get to know the guy better and maybe even have hope, on occasion, that it might go somewhere. But what changes when we get married? It wasn't awkward being alone with a member of the opposite sex when I was first married because I was used to it, I guess. But now, 18 (yes, 18 tomorrow!) it seems totally weird. I have to wonder if respecting that boundary is a way to honor marriage and family and say, I'm not going to cross into your personal space? I don't know. Or, is it really a discrimination thing, not letting women into that good old boys' club? In which case, that's totally inappropriate, too. I do believe women should have every right to succeed and to be treated fairly.<br />
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I also wonder why people are having one-on-one lunch dates in the first place? Is this a newer thing? When I worked (now I did work for the LDS Church), I met in my boss' offices one-on-one. No problem. We went out to lunch sometimes, but it was for fun, not for work, and there were always many people and much socializing. I think we felt we needed a break during the day, so why work at lunch?<br />
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Of course we should expect that adults can behave themselves in honorable ways and know that people can control themselves. Sadly, though, it's not always the case. Just recently I was talking to a friend who said that her husband had been traveling extensively with another woman and he'd become rather attached to her; insomuch that he preferred the other woman over the wife. It does happen, even to good people, who don't intend it to. I felt so sad for this friend. I don't know how common this kind of thing is, but it is still devastating to those involved.<br />
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So, I don't know. Do we try and honor marriage by not having one-on-one business dates which might inadvertently hurt women's advancements in the work field? Personally I'll err on not having one-on-ones with other men, leave lunches for social gatherings, and hope any one-on-one stuff happens in the office/public spaces.<br />
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Although, I'm still curious to know when one-on-ones MUST happen where there wouldn't be other people around, at least through a closed door.<br />
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<br />Emilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11450808986911204788noreply@blogger.com0