Can you do cool stuff and still have a family?

I've been enjoying the heck out of the What's Her Name Podcasts. However, I've realized that very few of the women reported on had children! I'm sure some of them did, but since that was such a normal thing, it wasn't worth the mention, maybe. But, it seems that in history if you were to do anything really cool, you didn't have children. Maybe if you had them, it just took you out of the ability-to-do-something-cool circle. While on the treadmill yesterday, I also turned on the Annie Oakley American Experience on PBS. Again: no children!

Is it really not possible to do cool stuff if you have kids? I was reminded tonight that yes, you can. I went to a Young Women's fireside with my daughter and husband where our mayor spoke. She's a woman, three years older than me. Her kids are older than mine; she started much sooner than I did. She dropped out of college because the babies kept coming and she felt it was what she needed to do at that time. She's back in school now working on a bachelor's with the goal to get a master's eventually.

Isn't it funny that I thought that the worst thing possible that could happen to me while in college was to get married and then get pregnant because that would ruin my educational plans? I guess for me I wasn't ready for the sacrifice of parent responsibilities, but some young people do it, and well! I would have thought people who do this were silly back then, but I admire them now, especially when they re-enter the college scene to continue their education as an older adult.

Kathryn Skaggs of Latter-day Saint Women Stand, a grandma, is doing it. My friend Emily M. S. just graduated with a law degree. How I admire them for having the guts to go back amidst having a family life!

As for women doing cool stuff AND having children, it does happen, and maybe it's more acceptable to do it now, but Carol Allen of Big Ocean Women has lots of kids and she's getting the word out there on maternal feminism. On the MWEG Facebook discussion group, there was a conversation about women who've gotten involved in the public sphere/politically who are Latter-day Saints. There are MANY MANY. My follow-up question is how many children do they each have? My hope is renewed in that you can do cool stuff and still have children; you don't have to give up family life to change the world.

I feel that the message to our local young women and young mothers is you get to choose - do what YOU want when you want, and you can really see a decline in family size because of this. So, it was refreshing to see the example of our mayor CHOOSING to have a family during those prime child-bearing years, but still eventually be involved so strongly in the community.

A New Take on "Feminism"

I know the term "feminism" is totally loaded; some people hate it, others love it. I don't mind it; I actually kind of like it because it sounds like feminine, and I've always defined it as anyone who supports the rights and cause/s of women, whatever they may be.  Many others use feminist to describe those who I'd term "radical" or "extreme feminists" who basically denigrate women and their natural roles, so it saddens me when people lump all "feminists" in the same camp rather than actually listening to what others believe. I may be wrong, but the older generations who lived thru the ERA seem to really dislike the term, whereas the younger generations, myself included, don't mind it as it's been presented educationally in a positive light.

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who thinks "feminist" should or could also describe people who fight for women, especially women trying to enhance and proudly live their natural roles. My friend Carolina Allen is on a quest for a new wave of feminism, a quest to move beyond the last third wave of feminism and get back to supporting the natural roles of women. You could call it New Feminism, 4th Wave Feminism, Post-Feminism, Women of God, Divine Womanhood, or whatever.

Last year, Carolina went to the UN's Commission on the Status of Women and found that, what I call radical feminists have taken over the dialogue there, and women who do support faith and family are grossly underrepresented. International standards are being set that leave out the voice of, what I'd guess, is the majority of the female world population.  Carolina's goal is to get women to the UN to represent mothers, families, and standards that protect children.

Carol writes,

When I heard the term "feminism" as a youth, I claimed it. I liked the word; it spoke of my female power and influence. In my mind, feminism was spiritually infused. It had little to do with "sameness" and everything to do with "uniqueness." To me, women were inherently powerful, independent of external factors. 

Throughout the years, I had cultivated this concept of feminism, what I like to think of as 'true feminism.' Because of this identity, the framework of oppression and disadvantage was foreign to me. Rather, I was lifted up, edified and strengthened. I was confident I could lift others because of the understanding that God’s power naturally rushed within me. 

As time passed, I had no serious cause to doubt my true feminism. It suited me well. I felt it deep in my heart as I maneuvered through college as a philosophy major, as I served in leadership capacities throughout the years, and most especially as a wife and mother. That is, until my very sobering and life-changing experience at the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women last March... (read the rest here).

As Carol is developing her her thoughts and goals, her working name is Big Ocean Women, or you could say Big Ocean Feminism, too, meaning the bigger female picture that is tied to our true womanhood, or our true nature and characteristics which are never a passing fancy.  There's a web site in the works as well as representation on several social media platforms, including Facebook. Learn more at: Big Ocean Women.