Power in Womanhood

I feel like I'm starting to think again.

When the Teen Vogue article came out about how to help your teen friend post-abortion, I just had to roll my eyes. Really? Is this what we give the youth of America? Garbage. Just garbage. When are we going to realize that using abortion like birth control isn't building anyone up? It's creating calloused, sad, selfish people. When will we start teaching responsibility and tenderness again?

Anyway, I've seen the below video floating around and got around to watching it today. I was deeply moved. I don't know if someone helped her write her words or if she came up with them on her own or if she's just a really good speaker, but she speaks with power and of power, the true, feminine power that we women need to come to understand and embrace.

Womanhood, motherhood, feminism, priorities, and roles

My friend, Becca, at My Soul Delighteth, made some profound statements on Facebook the other day concerning the divinity of womanhood, feminism, and the opposition we face in mortality, particularly in regards to women who want to be married, but aren't, and those who want children, but can't.  She also shared some thoughts she's had about respect toward working moms. She said it was ok if I wrote a post about it because she didn't have time to. I won't really expound on what she said, I just wanted to save it for future reference.


On womanhood & motherhood:

I believe that the divinity of womanhood is expressly linked to motherhood. . . . 

For a little while, in the past year or so, I started getting a little sympathetic towards Mormon feminists. Not, "They are right" but "I don't understand them, and I want to understand them" sympathetic. I started talking to a lot of different people with different ideas, etc, and I found myself slowly starting to wonder if motherhood really was the definition of womanhood. 2-3 years ago I would have said "Asbolutely", a year ago I would have said, "I'm not 100% sure", but now I am back to "Absolutely."

I was called to be an assistant primary chorister back in April, and the song they are learning this year is called The Family is of God, and at first I was unsure of the words (they basically say the same thing as the Proclamation") but as I have taught those words to the primary I have gained a sure testimony that they are true. Absolutely true. The Proclamation to the World is true. Every word of it. Every single word. I don't think that it was written erroneously, I don't think that it matters that it was written entirely by men - because I don't believe that it was written by "men" - it was written by prophets of God who receive revelation for our day.

...

On why we can't always have it the way we want it:

I also believe that this life is imperfect, our bodies are imperfect, and life just sucks sometimes. That is the way this mortal probation is meant to be.

When Adam and Eve were in the garden, Heavenly Father gave them two commandments that seemed to be conflicting - multiply and replenish the earth, but don't eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. I feel like He gives us similar commandments today (what? You mean God is the same yesterday, today, and forever?!). The commandment to multiply and replenish the earth is still in full force, but we must, as Adam and Eve, in a way partake of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and live a corrupted mortal existence. Basically God is commanding us to do something that WE HAVE NO POWER TO GUARANTEE. We cannot guarantee that we will be able to have children, yet to bear children IS a commandment. And I think that God doesn't withhold marriage and offspring [as a punishment?] from His children. That would be nonsense. Rather, the condition of our mortality at times prevents us from doing what God wants us to do.

Those who ARE able to multiply and replenish the earth should not feel that they are somehow better, or more blessed than those who cannot. We are blessed in different ways.

...

On working moms, feminism, family priorities, and roles:

I have done both the SAHM thing and the workplace thing, and I have to say I feel like people respect me 100 times more as a working mom than they did as a SAHM. I don't care one whit what other people think of me, so my point isn't to point out how hurt I was (because I wasn't - I honestly didn't care. I do what I feel is right for my family and no one besides me and my husband and maybe my bishop and parents - at times - could possibly have any insight into what is right for MY family) but my point IS to show that SAHMs DO seem to be less respected. [I thought this was really interesting to hear Becca say this as she's lived both the SAHM life and the working mom life. Personally, as a SAHM, I don't think I'm in too many situations to be able to notice any lack of respect, but I find her dual-perspective fascinating.]

I have not felt that feminism says "equality of opportunity" but rather says "women who put children above education and career goals have their priorities screwed up and are damaging opportunities for women everywhere". As a math teacher I definitely feel that. We are no longer pressuring our daughters to grow up to be good mothers, we are pressuring them to grow up and go to school for 6-7 years to chase the corporate ladder, or to work long hours as an engineer, or otherwise chase goals and dreams OUTSIDE the home. And those goals are fine. As long as they come second to raising children (for MEN as well as women - my husband is a fantastic provider, but his #1 career goal is to be able to provide for his family without having to spend a lot of TIME away from his family - something I admire very much in him).

I want to encourage my daughters to get an education - my parents encouraged both me and my sister. I have a degree in math and physics and I am working on a Masters of Education, with a goal to pursue a PhD in education. My sister has a degree in clinical lab science and has plans to go back to school to become a pathologist.

HOWEVER, for BOTH of us, our #1 priority is having babies and raising them. The education and career paths we want to pursue come SECOND.

Which means our earning potential will never be as great as a man who's #1 priority is probably providing for a family. But that's okay, because neither of us have "providing for a family" as a priority. I'm cool with that.

I am NOT cool with a woman who does as much (or more) work as(than) a man having less earning potential or respect or advancement opportunity simply because she is a woman. I believe that is absolutely ridiculous. . . . And I don't agree with it, and it's absolutely abhorrent.

While I do believe that bearing and raising children should be a woman's (and a man's) #1 priority in life, I DO believe that women who don't have that opportunity should not be punished by our society for it.

Thanks Becca for your "guest post." Ha.

Mary & Martha

My friend, Hailey, shared "Mary and Martha -- Faithful Sisters, Devoted Disciples" on Facebook today from a 1987 Ensign.  There were some really good quotes:

The story of Mary and Martha, observes Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “reminds every Martha, male and female, that we should not be so occupied with what is routine and temporal that we fail to cherish the opportunities that are unique and spiritual.”

 ...are we so involved with learning or outside interests that we do not honor our domestic responsibilities? 

... the Lord has counseled all of us to be “anxiously engaged in a good cause.” (D&C 58:27.) When determining the causes we will engage in, we need to weigh our values against our priorities. This will help us better judge what is important in our lives.Elder Maxwell concludes, “Basically, if we are properly motivated and are proper managers of our time, there is a time and season for various good causes in our lives. The contributing emphasis, of course, must be upon keeping the commandments and being effective in our family life.”

 ...when we judge someone as we have perhaps judged Mary and Martha, we have forgotten that strengthening the individual and the family, serving in Church callings, and providing for temporal needs are all part of gospel living. When deciding which aspect should receive emphasis at certain seasons of life, sisters would do well to seek the Spirit as a guide.

 ...“If the decision is right, they will feel at peace. That is the key. If they have made the wrong decisions, they will tend to feel troubled.” (Ensign, Mar. 1986, p. 21.)

Modest is not Hottest

Over the last few years I've frequently heard the slogan that "Modest is Hottest". More recently I've heard it used along with a quote by Emma Watson the actor who played Hermoine Granger in the Harry Potter movies. While I certainly support the advocacy for modesty I believe that the "Modest is Hottest" slogan and the comments by Emma Watson are honorable but misguided. Before proceeding with my explanation on why I think they are misguided I want to emphasize that my intent is not to attack Ms. Watson nor those who recite the "Modest is Hottest" slogan, but I want to share an observation on how ingrained societal values may interfere with our efforts to promote modesty.

Here is the pertinent part of the interview with Ms. Watson:

‘I find this whole thing about being 18 and everyone expecting me to be this object… I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do a photo-shoot people desperately want to change me – dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. It’s nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn’t do that. 

‘Personally, I don’t actually think it’s even that sexy. What’s sexy about saying, “I’m here with my boobs out and a short skirt… have a look at everything I’ve got”? My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder.’

In this quote Ms. Watson makes an argument for modesty and the justification for modesty is that being modest is more sexy than being immodest, a similar sentiment is contained within the "Modest is Hottest" slogan. I'm aware of two definitions of the word "hottest" as it is used in this context. The first would be claiming that modesty is the most popular.  It is obvious that this interpretation is simply inaccurate.  The second definition would be the claim that modesty is more sexy.


The concern that I have with Ms. Watson's comments and the "Modest is Hottest" slogan is that both seem to be promoting modesty as a way to achieve greater sexiness. Both seem to recognize the negative effects of immodesty on girls and society but they ignore an underlying driver for immodesty which is a desire to be sexy. Women are constantly bombarded with messages saying that they must be sexy and a woman's value in society is largely based on their ability to arouse men's sexual desires. We are taught that a sexy women are valuable, loved and powerful. We as a society have so deeply accepted the role of a woman as a sex object that even when trying to promote modesty we do so by arguing for modesty as a means to achieve the goal of being even more sexually attractive. I do not believe that the purpose of modesty is to be sexy in fact I think the purpose of modesty is to not be sexy. This is not to say that a modest woman can not and will not be attractive*, but her attractiveness, personality, intelligence and kindness will be allowed to show because those around her will not be distracted or repeled by her immodest exposure. When we argue for modesty as a way to achieve greater sexiness any gains in modesty will be shallow and short lived. Furthermore we only re-enforce the incorrect and damaging view that a women's worth is defined by their sexual appeal.


When arguing for modesty we should not just argue for better behavior. We should instead expect better behavior by instilling in women a greater understanding of the true value of women and womanhood. As society learns to truly value women and not just their bodies then there will be no need for immodest clothing as immodesty will impart no perceived value nor power.

The interview with Ms. Watson is found here. Warning many of the pictures of Ms. Watson in the interview portray her in immodest clothing.

* A couple of notes. First I am not claiming that a woman should never be sexy, nor that a modest woman will not ever be sexually attractive. I'm arguing against the overt predominent sexuality promoted by immodest clothing. Secondly note that I am distinguishing between being attractive and sexy, unfortunately society unnecessarily conflates these two attributes.