Biblical Womanhood and the LDS Church - Part 1

We know there are many, many women mentioned in the scriptures, particularly in the Bible (Believe me!  Either go study it yourself, or see Heather's post, How Many Women Would You Guess Are in the Scriptures? to get a quick idea).

When I read Passionate Housewives Desperate for God by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald, I was amazed at their Bible knowledge.  They referenced what seemed like everything they wrote!  They knew scriptures inside and out that help us be good human beings, and they also seemed to know all the scriptures regarding women and their roles as outlined in the Bible.  I've enjoyed becoming more familiar with these scriptures.  Near the end of their book, the authors list wonderful things women do:

• Helping husbands take dominion through God-ordained roles and tasks (Gen. 1, 2; Acts 18:2-3)
• Serving as midwives (Gen. 35:17; Ex. 1:15-21)
• Playing musical instruments (1 Sam. 18:6; Psalm 68:25)
• Singing (Nehemiah 7:67; Luke 1:46-55)
• Feasting before the Lord with God's people (Deut. 31:10-13; 1 Sam. 1:1-9)
• Demonstrating hospitality to strangers and saints (Gen. 18:6; Acts 16:15; Romans 12:13; 1 Tim. 5:10)
• Serving God's prophets (1 Kings 17; 2 Kings 4:8-38)
• Thinking quickly and resourcefully in the face of danger (1 Sam. 25:3-42; Judges 4:18-22, 9:52-53)
• Providing wise counsel (Judges 4:4-9; Proverbs 31:1, 26)
• Facing death for the sake of God's people (Esther)
• Weaving, creating works of art (Proverbs 31:13, 19)
• Crafting beautiful garments (Proverbs 31:22)
• Producing items in the home for the marketplace (Proverbs 31:18-19, 24)
• Assisting her husband with the family business (Acts 18:3)
• Augmenting the family estate through wise purchases and use of materials (Proverbs 31:16)
• Planning wisely for the future (Proverbs 31:21)
• Selecting with skill the food the family eats (Proverbs 31:14)
• Giving to the needy (Proverbs 31:20; Acts 9:36)
• Being the fruitful mother of many children (Psalm 128:3; Genesis 24:60)
• Teaching children with wisdom (Proverbs 1:8 and 31:1, 26; 1 Tim. 5:10; 2 Tim. 1:5)
• Training the next generation of women in a hands-on manner (Prov. 31:15; Titus 2:3-5)
• Creating clothing for the poor (Acts 9:36-41)
• Opening the home to the Church (Romans 16:1; Acts 16:14-15)
• Supporting the work of the Gospel (Luke 8:1-3; Romans 16:6, 12)
• Privately exhorting fellow believers (Acts 18:26)

Now, part of me has to wonder how many of those characteristics are cultural.  I know some of the Biblical Womanhood women do take these scriptures very literally, but for me, I don't see that I have to do all these things to be a godly woman.  One topic that did surprise me was regarding traits such as producing items for the marketplace and assisting in the family business.  I didn't realize those progressive duties were in the Bible (I'm so embarrassed!)!  Often, I think we believe Biblical Womanhood is just being a baby machine and a slave to one's husband, but there is obviously so much more!

Additionally, throughout the book (yes I flipped through all the pages), the authors mention scriptures that greatly influence their lives.  I wanted to jot a few down.  I'm so fascinated by so many scriptures dealing with the husband/wife/family relationship:

• ... Children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.  As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.  Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them:  they shall not be ashamed... (Psalm 127:3-5).
• Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it (Eph. 5:25).
• Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as unto the Lord (Eph. 5:22).
• ...let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband (Eph 5:33).
• And did not he make one?  Yet had he the residue of the spirit.  And wherefore one?  That he might seek a godly seed.  Therefore take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth (Mal. 2:15).
• But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence (1 Tim. 2:12).
• Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church (1 Cor. 14:34-35).
• I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house... (1 Timothy 5:14).
• Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife (1 Cor. 7: 3-4).
• For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God (1 Cor. 11:12).
• Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives (1 Pet. 3: 1-2).
• Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel. But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.  For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands (1 Pet. 3:3-5).
•  Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered (1 Pet. 3:7).
• Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands (Proverbs 14:1).

After reading through those scriptures, I began to wonder, where do the Latter-day Saints stand in comparison to Biblical compilations like this?  Do we still do those same things and behave these same ways?  I can definitely think of many things that I do that certainly fall within the lists, but what about counsel from our leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?  Well, I'll start looking at that in Part 2!

More "light" reading

I have a few more quotes/links I wanted to jot down that I've found since my last post.

1.  I loved Stephanie's post at Diapers and Divinity entitled I am evolving.  No one is more shocked than I am.  Goes to show we can really develop that mother heart if we desire it.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel! :)

2.  I also enjoyed the post by Delia on the MMB Community site regarding the concept of holding on to your kids.  She does this by home-schooling her kids.  She stated:

It's hard enough to hang on to your kids, sending them off to  school may be easier and parents may think it is good for kids to learn to deal with the real world. But the teenage brain is not that well  developed as scientists are beginning to find out. Hold on To Your Kids is not a home-schooling book, it's about parenting.

She also shares a few quotes from the book (or maybe it's a review of the book from somewhere), Hold on To Your Kids:

This books helps support the need to be more involved. It comes at a time when more parents are working outside the home. I think we need to take care and  pay attention, it passes all too quickly.

Like countless other parents, Canadian doctors Neufeld and  Maté woke up one day to find that their children had become secretive  and unreachable. Pining for time with friends, they recoiled or grew  hostile around adults. Why? The problem, Neufeld and co-writer Maté  suggest, lies in a long-established, though questionable, belief that  the earliest possible mastery of the rules of social acceptance leads to  success. In a society that values its economy over culture, the book  states, the building of strong adult/child attachments gets lost in the  shuffle. Multiple play dates, day care, preschool and after school  activities groom children to transfer their attachment needs from adults  to their peers. They become what the authors call "peer oriented." The  result is that they squelch their individuality, curiosity and  intelligence to become part of a group whose members attend school less  to learn than to socialize. And these same children are bullying,  shunning and murdering each other, as well as committing suicide, at  increasing rates. The authors' meticulous exploration of the problem can  be profoundly troubling. However, their candidness and exposition lead  to numerous solutions for reestablishing a caring adult hierarchy.  Beautifully written, this terrific, poignant book is already a  bestseller in Canada.

That whole concept of kids connecting with peers rather than adults reminded me of my student teaching experience in Western Samoa.  Sadly, at least when I was there (and I'd guess it's still true today), fa'a Samoa (the Samoan way) was often to beat one's children.  I noticed that this caused a much stronger bond between siblings than between parents and their children.

So, although we're talking different reasons for children to connect with peers, there still seems to be a huge importance to connecting with adults.

This whole scenario reminds me of the article The Dangerous Digital Vortex:

If you have a teenage daughter, for example, and she’s off in a corner texting her friends during a family gathering, then she is emotionally withdrawing from her family.

3/30/11 Update:  After I jotted this all down, I went up to bed and started reading Larry Lawrence's Courageous Parenting again.  Wow that article totally relates!

• ... we are reminded in the family proclamation, parents are responsible for the protection of their children. ¹ That means spiritually as well as physically.
• The story of Eli teaches us that parents who love their children cannot afford to be intimidated by them. (1 Sam 3)
• ... Robert D. Hales has observed, “Sometimes we are afraid of our children—afraid to counsel with them for fear of offending them.” 
• By listening closely, we can discover the desires of their hearts, help them set righteous goals, and also share with them the spiritual impressions that we have received about them. Counseling requires courage.

Lastly (I think), I'm also reminded of Protecting is a Part of Good Parenting by Kelly.  Good post and thought provoking comments on that one.

3.   Lastly, I subscribe to the Juvenile Instructor blog.  It's full of very interesting historical stuff.  I don't usually read the posts, though, because they're too long and they're written at a college level.  1 - I don't have the attention span to read anything really long these days, and 2 - my ability to read college level stuff ended about 8 years ago.

Anyway, there was a short post regarding the impact of losing a child by Todd Compton, particularly in Mormon polygamy days.  I was so touched by the trials of those women.  My heart ached for them.

Well, here's a long post for anyone who wants it!

Things to read in all your "spare" time -- yeah right

I'd really rather write a post about all these things separately, but don't have the time. I don't want to lose the info, though, so I'll just jot it all down here anyway.

1.  Heather over at Women in the Scriptures referenced One Thing Needful:  Becoming Women of Greater Faith in Christ by Patricia Holland.  I read it last night and realized it's pretty much my favorite chapter in her book A Quiet Heart if you want to read it without buying the book!

2.  I finished the Newsweek issue from March 14 that contained a lot about women.  In it there was an article about Hillary Clinton.  Now, honestly, the Clinton's aren't my most favorite people, but this comment about Hillary is worth mentioning: 

Speculation continues that Clinton would stay on in a second Obama term, and a few pundits go as far as to suggest she might even make another White House run in 2016, though Bill Clinton joked recently that his wife now covets the title of grandmother far more than that of commander in chief.

The article also mentioned:

• In the Saudi Arabian capital of Riyadh, where women cannot travel without male permission or drive a car, a grandson of the Kingdom’s founding monarch (Prince Alwaleed bin Talal bin Abdulaziz al-Saud) last month denounced the way women are “economically and socially marginalized” in Arab countries.

• “If there is one message that echoes forth from this conference, let it be that human rights are women’s rights and women’s rights are human rights once and for all,” Clinton declared. 

• Women still earn 33 cents less per dollar than men.

• ...the State Department estimates there are now 12.3 million adults and children worldwide in “forced labor, bonded labor, and forced prostitution.”

 Also, there was an article entitled, "The Feminists in the Middle of Tahrir Square."

• "Veiling and nakedness are two faces of the same coin,” she told one reporter. “Women are sex objects in the free market. I am against makeup. Plastic surgery is a postmodern veil,” she said, looking at me, smiling, laughing silently.

Just so you know, the only reason I was able to do all this Newsweek reading was that we went on a trip to Sacramento for a night without kids!

3.  Ruth at Empowering LDS Women linked to a Deseret News article entitled "From the Homefront: Why every mom needs a purpose beyond motherhood."  I very much agreed with the article, but I just wanted to add, that when we do make time for ourselves to do things we want, we still have to be careful not to over do it.  The author said she got burned out by not doing things she personally enjoyed, but I think, too, on the other hand, when we're getting up before kids and staying up late after they go to bed, it's just as easy to get burned out!  I keep trying to remind myself that someday in the future I can devote more time to personal interests.


4.  Last one: Erin at Mamas Who Know linked to another Deseret News article entitled "Studies say children subtract from happiness, so what do we really feel?"  Let me tell you, the stats and studies quoted in this article are so much of the reason why it was so hard for us to want to have a family!  After quite a change of heart, now, I was so ready to be so irritated with this article, but the point was actually good in the end -- although studies seem to say we have less freedom and happiness when we have children, we wouldn't give those children up for anything.

Wish I could say more, but I gotta go!

April 2010 Conference

One day I was listening to some old general conference talks from last April's session and the two talks I heard buoyed up my resolved to be the best mother that I can. I had forgotten that this session in particular seemed to call parents to a higher plane of teaching and raising righteous children. Maybe this felt like the theme to me because I have small ones at home that I know I can still greatly influence. The two talks that I reviewed were by Elder Wirthlin and Elder Foster.

In Elder Wirthlin's message the most memorable part for me was the admonition, "The saddest words of tongue and pen are those that say, "It might have been!"" He recounted a mother's wish that she would have more fully helped her older daughters with their personal progress goals after realizing the bond it forged between her and her youngest when they worked on it together.

In a memorable talk by Elder Foster, entitled Mother Told Me he tells sweet stories of the obedience of children and animals he has observed to their mothers' guidance. This was a great excerpt:

"As President James E. Faust said: “There is no greater good in all the world than motherhood. The influence of a mother in the lives of her children is beyond calculation” (“Fathers, Mothers, Marriage,” Liahona and Ensign, Aug. 2004, 3). By divine design, nurturing seems to be part of the spiritual heritage given to women. I’ve seen it in my daughters, and now I see it in my granddaughters—even before they could walk, they wanted to carry and care for their little baby dolls."

The church has a great summary of this conference entitled teachings for mothers. It is just short excerpts that really help strengthen those who are raising children. I cannot wait for General Conference this weekend and the opportunity that we have to hear from our living prophet and other general authorities. I hope that you can all enjoy it too on Saturday and Sunday by tuning into the live broadcasts on http://www.lds.org/.

Thanks Everyone!!!

After 6 months of trying to find other people out there who also highly value the family and the roles within the family, I've now found so many of you!  I have so many posts to comment on and notes to jot down here, but I just haven't had the time!  Hopefully I can just make one big post of all my notes -- soon.  I just wanted to say thanks.  I have grown and learned so much and understand so much more about ME!

Anyone out there who's a "lurker," too, don't be afraid to introduce yourself.  I'd love to get to know you!  Hmm, but maybe that would give me too many more blogs to read and more to learn than I have time for!  ;)

Why Do We Let Them Dress Like That?

Tiana at LAF/Beautiful Womanhood linked over to Why Do We Let Them Dress Like That? in the Wall Street Journal regarding how we let our daughters dress.

So this is pretty much half the article, but it was good:

Why do so many of us not only permit our teenage daughters to dress like this—like prostitutes, if we're being honest with ourselves—but pay for them to do it with our AmEx cards?

I posed this question to a friend whose teenage daughter goes to an all-girls private school in New York. "It isn't that different from when we were kids," she said. "The girls in the sexy clothes are the fast girls. They'll have Facebook pictures of themselves opening a bottle of Champagne, like Paris Hilton. And sometimes the moms and dads are out there contributing to it, shopping with them, throwing them parties at clubs. It's almost like they're saying, 'Look how hot my daughter is.'" But why? "I think it's a bonding thing," she said. "It starts with the mommy-daughter manicure and goes on from there."

I have a different theory. It has to do with how conflicted my own generation of women is about our own past, when many of us behaved in ways that we now regret. A woman I know, with two mature daughters, said, "If I could do it again, I wouldn't even have slept with my own husband before marriage. Sex is the most powerful thing there is, and our generation, what did we know?"

We are the first moms in history to have grown up with widely available birth control, the first who didn't have to worry about getting knocked up. We were also the first not only to be free of old-fashioned fears about our reputations but actually pressured by our peers and the wider culture to find our true womanhood in the bedroom. Not all of us are former good-time girls now drowning in regret—I know women of my generation who waited until marriage—but that's certainly the norm among my peers.

So here we are, the feminist and postfeminist and postpill generation. We somehow survived our own teen and college years (except for those who didn't), and now, with the exception of some Mormons, evangelicals and Orthodox Jews, scads of us don't know how to teach our own sons and daughters not to give away their bodies so readily. We're embarrassed, and we don't want to be, God forbid, hypocrites.

A True Expression of Beauty

I thought this was cute:
Behold! My First Gray Hair