Motherhood & Fatherhood

Oh wow.  I just read this beautiful piece by Kels at Empowering LDS Women entitled:  Motherhood is the Equivalent of the Priesthood?  I'm kind of over my concern and am settled about women's and men's roles in the Church, but this was so well thought out, I'm glad I took the time to read it.  I even got all teared up reading it because it was that good!

Kels drew a little chart making Motherhood & Fatherhood parallel, and then identified certain responsibilities of each underneath.  Mothers and fathers both create, nurture, and provide, but women are the only ones who birth.  What about the men?  What's their equivalent?  That's where the priesthood comes in -- it allows for Spiritual birth/rebirth.  Therefore, both mothers and fathers do provide a certain type of birth.

I liked this:

. . . So I began asking him these questions, and have been receiving the answer for years now. There are so many layers to the answer, but one important element is this: birth is an ordinance, an important gift that is the stewardship of God's daughters. This was confirmed to me by the fact that a woman who is sealed in the Temple, and who is living worthily, can give birth to her children in the covenant. By virtue of her covenant, her children are born within the covenant too. However when children are born outside the covenant, a Priesthood ordinance has to occur to replace it-- children are sealed to their parents in the Temple, as though they were born in the covenant. In other words, not being born in the covenant requires a Priesthood ordinance to replace it. It's that important.

Now go read the rest!

The Caffeine Experiment

I wasn't even going to write a post on this because I didn't see it as a big deal, but I've seen several other forums discussing the issue of what really is the Church's stance on caffeine after the airing of Mormon in America as well as the subsequent response from the Church clarifying its position on caffeinated beverages.

Just so you know where I'm coming from, I grew up in a non-caffeine-drinking family in Utah.  Up until 4th grade I don't really remember my friends' families drinking caffeinated beverages either, until Melissa's family.  I think I was a little surprised that they did as they were an active Mormon family also, but I must have somehow realized (maybe through a conversation with my parents?) it was okay and their choice if they wanted to drink it -- we just didn't in our family.

One day, as Melissa and I knew I'd never had a caffeinated beverage to my knowledge, we decided I should try some.  I felt okay about it as I knew it actually wouldn't banish me from the Saints.  Oh the anticipation to try a Pepsi!!  I took a sip, and it was okay.  I still preferred my root beer.

In fifth grade, after walking to the park, I had my first Dr. Pepper.  Wow, was that awesome or what.  I may have had one more Dr. Pepper some time in high school (ok, maybe more), but I really can't remember.  When I did my student teaching in Western Samoa, I did have a few Dr. Fia fia's (loosely translated:  Dr. Party) as there wasn't another drink option -- may as well enjoy it, right?

When I met the man I was to marry, I noticed he didn't tend to avoid caffeinated beverages like I did.  Although I was okay with others drinking them, I wasn't so sure how I'd feel about actually marrying someone who drank caffeine.  What kind of influence would that have on our children!!?  I'm sure we talked about it, and he seemed to not drink as much of it as he had because he saw it was important to me.

A few years later when we were at his company Christmas party, more than one person commented on his daily Dr. Pepper or his Dr. Pepper addiction.  What?!  My husband is addicted to Dr. Pepper!? Honestly, I was a little ticked and we had a talk in the car on the way home.  I told him he was probably addicted to the stuff.  He said he just liked the flavor.  I challenged him to a taste test.

We picked up some regular Dr. Pepper and some caffeine-free Dr. Pepper and went to work.  Guess what?  He liked the TASTE of the caffeine-free Dr. Pepper BETTER!  He couldn't believe it.  He stocked up on the stuff and kept it at work.  However, ironically, the cravings eventually went away and so did the caffeine-free Dr. Pepper because it just wasn't the same. After he realized how much power a bit of caffeine had over his thinking, he decided to drop caffeine altogether. He'll occasionally have a caffeinated drink now, but never frequently enough to cause addiction.

So I don't really know why I shared this story, other than it's kind of funny and now some of you know that there is another Mormon out there who (almost) never drinks caffeine.  I suppose I could add that I feel that if it's implied that Mormons don't drink caffeine, why try and find loopholes, why not try and actually not drink it?  (I guess its a little like the law of chastity.  For the Strength of Youth says to not lie down on a member of the opposite sex if you're not married to him/her, so why not try and not do it?  Why play how close can you go?)  I could also say, if you drink caffeinated beverages for the flavor, you may just be fooling yourself.  Go try a blind taste test.

And lastly, yes, I know the Word of Wisdom doesn't say a thing about caffeinated sodas or chocolate or  t.v. or the internet, or whatever else could be addictive, but I, too, probably like a lot of others am trying to live the principle taught of avoiding addictive things.  The important thing is that I'm working on the the Lord's short list appropriate for me.

The Great Welfare Plan

In my pre-mom life I worked for the Welfare Department of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in several of the divisions over the years (Production & Distribution/Bishops' Storehouse Services, LDS Employment, Humanitarian Service/s, administration). I forget that probably most people don't know that the Church reaches out to help people ALL over the world -- and not just members of our church.

I was delighted to see this great summary of what services the church offers.  Check out this link to get a better understanding:

http://www.mormonnewsroom.org/article/humanitarian-aid-welfare-services-breakdown-donations-costs-resources

I also loved the segment on the welfare program of the church on NBCs recent Mormon in America production.  In fact, I used to work with the guy driving the interviewer around in the golf cart!

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Sometimes The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gets criticized for being so big and so centralized.  I realized a while back that this actually is the reason we can have such a huge impact around the world, and in such short time.  It's an exciting thing to be a part of.

What touched my heart the most, was that after watching the welfare segment, my 9 year old son said, "Mom can we do that?  Can we go to Welfare Square and volunteer?  I really want to do that."  You bet we can.

Beauty & Insecurity

I've really been enjoying the food for thought about women's bodies & shame over at Women in the Scriptures.  There are also many great comments.  Basically, yes, there are times when we may not be clothed in public, like in a locker room at a pool, but why the insecurity about our bodies in those situations?  Apparently, men don't seem to be all worried about being nude -- especially in a locker room.

I began wondering how beauty is expressed in the rest of the world.  I wish I had more global experience or studied more anthropology about now!

We know that in the US/Westernized countries, there's a general ideal for beauty. I won't go into what it is, but you can figure it out -- just look at the billboards/magazines. We also

 know there's this drive among (some) women to want to look like those images. Why? Is it because it makes her feel good about herself? Is it because it attracts men? Does it provide a feeling of power? Is it a combination of some of the above?

Is this tendency to want to be the most attractive also true in other countries, particularly the non-Westernized ones? Do women still try and be beautiful? Do they do it for themselves? Do they do it to attract a mate?

In other countries, what defines beauty? Are some characteristics the same things as we see here?

In countries where there are arranged marriages, is there still this attractiveness competition between women? In countries where women are covered, is there also a competition for beauty?

In European countries where are the nude/nearly nude beaches, where people seem comfortable with their shape, is there still seeking to be the most beautiful/perfect body the rest of the time?

Mary & Martha

My friend, Hailey, shared "Mary and Martha -- Faithful Sisters, Devoted Disciples" on Facebook today from a 1987 Ensign.  There were some really good quotes:

The story of Mary and Martha, observes Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “reminds every Martha, male and female, that we should not be so occupied with what is routine and temporal that we fail to cherish the opportunities that are unique and spiritual.”

 ...are we so involved with learning or outside interests that we do not honor our domestic responsibilities? 

... the Lord has counseled all of us to be “anxiously engaged in a good cause.” (D&C 58:27.) When determining the causes we will engage in, we need to weigh our values against our priorities. This will help us better judge what is important in our lives.Elder Maxwell concludes, “Basically, if we are properly motivated and are proper managers of our time, there is a time and season for various good causes in our lives. The contributing emphasis, of course, must be upon keeping the commandments and being effective in our family life.”

 ...when we judge someone as we have perhaps judged Mary and Martha, we have forgotten that strengthening the individual and the family, serving in Church callings, and providing for temporal needs are all part of gospel living. When deciding which aspect should receive emphasis at certain seasons of life, sisters would do well to seek the Spirit as a guide.

 ...“If the decision is right, they will feel at peace. That is the key. If they have made the wrong decisions, they will tend to feel troubled.” (Ensign, Mar. 1986, p. 21.)

Parenting Taboos

My friend Jamie shared this Ted Talk entitled "Let's talk parenting taboos" with the creators of Babble.

It was pretty good. Their goal is to share some of the realities of parenting so people won't be left disappointed once they become parents. Four of the things we generally don't talk about are:

1. You may not have automatic love for your babies.
2. It's lonely to have a baby. 67% of women said they were most lonely when their kids were between the ages of 0-5.   In one country, a few months before a woman has a baby, she goes to live with her mother up to several months after the baby is born to combat this loneliness.  In our country where that doesn't typically happen, we should probably be watching out for/visiting each other more when there's a new baby.  (Thank goodness for Visiting Teachers -- it's a start!)
3.   It's okay to talk about miscarriage.
4. Average happiness declines when you have kids, but you have lots of happy peaks as you raise those kids!

I think it's good to talk about these things, but in my case, knowing at least some of those things beforehand made it harder to make the choice to have kids.  I'm just so practical. :-z

Set Up for Failure

I read "A Guilty Paradox" on Family Friendly Work about how women in our society are set up to fail no matter what, so we just have to ignore the "expectations" and it will make things a lot easier.  I really liked this quote at the end:

“The day I realized that the cultural ideal of femininity was, quite literally, unattainable? The day I realized that women are supposed to be sexy and chaste, undemanding and seeking commitment, meek delicate flowers and strong backbones of the family? The day I realized that if you're tall you're supposed to look shorter, and if you're short you're supposed to look taller, and if you're fat you're supposed to look thinner, and if you're thin you're supposed to look more voluptuous, and that whatever body type you had you were supposed to make it look different? The day I realized that every woman is insecure about her looks... including the ones we're supposed to idolize? The day I realized that, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I worked, I would always, always, always be a failure as a woman?
That was the day I quit worrying about it.”
--Greta Christina, Alternet