The Beginning of Better Days: March 17, 1842

I know I still haven't blogged about the Sheri Dew section of The Beginning of Better Days, but I'm really excited about the March 17, 1842 section!  I was able to read a good chunk of it while waiting for my daughters at their singing class.  It filled in so many of the holes that I've wondered about with the organization of the Relief Society.  I'll just jot down some of my notes here so you can get a feel for what's in the chapter:

• What is the 1844 definition of "provoke"?  Could it be assist?  Why would the sisters "provoke the brethren to good works in looking for the wants of the poor. . ." does it really mean help or assist? (89)
• The sisters were to search after "objects of charity." This reminded me of the modern practices of the LDS Church to seek out the poor and needy (89).
• They also were to correct the morals and strengthen the virtues of the female community and "save the Elders the trouble of rebuking" so they could spend their time in their public teaching (89).  I wonder what they were to rebuke?  Gossip?  Because teaching is not mentioned here for the sisters, I wondered if they were not to teach, but only the brothers?  On page 91, however, Emma is told to "expound the scriptures to all; and to teach the female part of the community. . . . "
• The sisters were to elect a presiding officer who would choose two counselors (89-90).  This differs in the current selection of a Relief Society president as she is chosen by the bishop, not the sisters (90).  I know some priesthood positions back then were also elected, but I can't remember how common that was.  I should look that up.  Could you imagine really voting in your bishop or RS president?  Page 91 also mentions that Emma "was called an Elect lady" because she was "elected to preside. . . ."
• Joseph said he would "ordain [the women] to preside over the Society."  Now in some commentary this has caused confusion because he's using priesthood words which would make some think that he may be giving the women the priesthood.  In the context of the chapter though, I think he uses the priesthood words merely to describe this similar female organization. This clarifies in my head the meaning of the term "organized after the pattern of the priesthood": the Relief Society was organized structurally like the organization of the priesthood with a president and two counselors.  Additionally he says, if the sisters want any officers, they should "be appointed and set apart, as Deacons, Teachers, &c. are among us" (90).
• I also found it interesting that what the Relief Society presidency decided was "considered law."  I wonder what specific decisions were in their domain? (90)
• The minutes would become their "Constitution and law" (90).
• It sounds to me like the RS Presidency could be in office as long as they were in "good behavior" just "like the first Presidency." Fascinating.  I wonder what would constitute bad behavior! (90)
• The notes state that "Mrs. Smith proceed to choose her Counsellors, that they maybe ordain'd to preside. . ."  Again, I'm thinking Joseph's using priesthood words to describe what is to happen in the RS, not that he's going to give them the priesthood; the RS is just going to be run the same way (91).
• I love how they used the word "Presidentess" back in that day.  I think we should pick it up again, well, at least once we can consistently say it without tripping up our tongues! (91)
• On page 92, we start hearing about the formality expected in the RS meetings.  One funny thing is that "When one has the floor [she can occupy it for] as long as she pleases."  Also, the President should be addressed as "Mrs. Chairman or President and not Mr. Chairman. . . ." There must have been some question as to whether the women should be called Mr. as an official title?
• I also love on 92 that the sisters were "not [to] injure the character of any one. . . ." Also, "keep all your doings within your own bosoms, and hold all characters sacred." We can probably all take that advice.
• Page 93 goes into choosing the name of the Relief Society/Benevolent Society.  I thought it was funny that they were worried "relief" could connotate "to relieve criminals from punishment. . . to relieve a murderer, which would not be a benevolent act."
• Emma didn't like the popularity of the word benevolent because other institutions with benevolent in the name were corrupt.
• Eliza R. Snow objected to the word Relief because "the idea associated with it is that of some great calamity" rather than "meeting the common occurrences."  Little did she know the huge part the RS would eventually play in helping people during calamities.  And of course, today, the RS is quite a steward of the "common occurrences" more than anything.
• When Emma said "we are going to do something extraordinary" her example was "when a boat is stuck on the rapids with a multitude of Mormons on board we shall consider that a loud call for relief. . . " (95-96).
• When Joseph gave his money to the RS that day, he said, "I shall have to concede the point, all I shall have to give to the poor, I shall give to this Society."  From that statement, it makes me think that he was basically turning the temporal care of people over to the RS, much like the Presiding Bishopric has the duty today (96).
• As it's official name was, The Female Relief Society of Nauvoo, I wonder when "The Female" part was officially omitted? (96)
• Lastly, Joseph declared the RS organized and stated ". . .all who shall hereafter be admitted into this Society must be free from censure and receiv'd by vote."  What exactly did censure mean back then? It's also interesting that new members had to be voted in.  I wonder how long that practice lasted (97).

I loved this section!  Like I said at the beginning, it filled in a lot of the holes about the beginning of the RS that I'd wanted to understand.

Mormon Women's Involvement with the Sacred: Reflections on Kris Wright's Lecture on Bread, Water, Oil, and Cloth

The other night I had the opportunity to hear Kris Wright, co-author of Female Ritual Healing in Mormonism with J. Stapley, speak on Bread, Water, Oil, & Cloth: Religious Objects, Mormon Women, and History at the Assembly Hall in Salt Lake.  I'd been so excited for this night to come because I enjoyed the above-mentioned paper so much, and she did not disappoint in her presentation!

You may be wondering what could be interesting about bread, water, oil, cloth, and women in the LDS Church.  Well, I will summarize and hopefully you will also be enlightened as I believe so many in the room were.  I'm going to follow the general outline of Kris's presentation and interject my own thoughts as we go.  She did move through everything pretty quickly, so forgive me if I'm mixing up my details!

Think back to the construction of the Kirtland, Nauvoo, and Salt Lake Temples.  You can surely recall stories regarding the building of those structures.  Who do you think of when you think about the construction?  Generally men?  Most likely.  You may remember a few stories of women helping, specifically the one about women making shirts for the men building the Nauvoo Temple.  You can probably also conclude that it was a sacrifice to an entire family for for a man to leave his wife and children to go build, but were the women directly involved?

Now, think back to something someone made for you, by hand.  Perhaps it was your grandmother, possibly your mother.  Maybe it was mittens (as Kris described), possibly it was an afghan (as my mother has made for my children), maybe it was a quilt someone made you for your wedding.  How do you feel when you think of these items?  You probably feel sentimental and connected and bound to whomever made them.

Well, as Kris described, women in earlier days of the Church were intimately involved in the creation of edible and tactile items for religious worship, which uniquely bound them to their faith, just as receiving a hand-made gift binds you to the giver and making something for someone binds you to the receiver.

Bread - Kris shared the example of one woman who baked the sacrament bread, cut off the crusts, and sliced it a certain way so that the priests could tear the pieces very uniformly.  This woman also delivered her bread on a special dish.  Another woman prepared the sacrament table, polished the trays, and made the tablecloths.  Another woman cared for the sacrament table for 25 years by making the tablecloths, the bread, and preparing the table each week.  In one ward, the women embroidered the ward name in one of the tablecloths and a scripture on the other.  All this service, these domestic duties, became ritual and bound these women to their religion.

Water - In one ward, the young women filled the sacrament water cups and placed the bread in trays. After the sacrament, they washed the cups.  In the 1940s when disposable cups became available, the girls' involvement decreased, and by the 1950s preparation and cleanup became the young men's responsibility.  A question I had after this story was why couldn't the men do the preparation and the cleanup in the first place?  Who said males couldn't wash the dishes?  I'm hopeful that having the girls wash the cups was not meant to be a put down, but a way they could participate.

Oil - Women started using consecrated oil in 1834.  It is recorded as being used by women in places such as Kirtland, Nauvoo, and Winter Quarters.  They used it both ritually and therapeutically.  It was essential in caring for the sick and blessing with it was a responsibility of the Relief Society.  A 1905 Relief Society banner stated:

Bless the Sick

Soothe the Sad

Succor the Distressed

Visit the Widowed and Fatherless

I would guess that at that time to "bless the sick" meant to actually bless them with consecrated oil and prayer, not the modern "bless" as in a kind word or good fortune.

Kris mentioned that women were thought of as the gateway for birth and death.  I thought that was beautiful.  It's obvious that women are physically the gateway into life, but they also played a greater role in the past at times of death (now most everyone is far removed at times of death!).  Not only being physically there, but to provide blessings.  In 1880 it was recorded that women gave blessings at birth.  Midwives also anointed newborn babies.  Not only did women bless with consecrated oil, but sometimes the oil was ingested by the person being treated, or the oil was put on the whole body.

Cloth - Women had a huge part in the production of textiles in the early days of the church.  What are some of the sacred fabric items that we see now?  How about garments, temple clothing, altar cloths, sacrament tablecloths (as mentioned), and the veil of the temple?  Now days, we go out and buy those things, but in years past, the women had the duty to make them.  It was a great time commitment, and surely a labor of love that kept women thinking about WHY they were putting forth such great effort.

In Kirtland women made the veil of the temple.  In Nauvoo, as mentioned above, women made shirts for the temple builders; they also made the veils of the temple and the carpets.  Emma Smith, Eliza Snow, and Elizabeth Warren Allred under the direction of Joseph Smith designed the first garments. Years later, swimsuit designer RoseMarie Reid redesigned them, who by chance (or not), was a descendant of Elizabeth Warren Allred!

In earlier days, Relief Society women gathered together to sew temple clothing.  Eventually they were asked not to sew temple clothing during Relief Society where it could be exposed to those who had not been to the temple.

During the construction of the Logan Temple, records were kept of all the donated labor hours.  The data includes the sewing and cleaning done by women.  The seamstresses involved were professionals, just as the men working on the outside were skilled laborers.

Earlier in the lecture, Kris broke down the word textile.  Yes, we think fabric, but the first four letters are T-E-X-T, which means that which is woven, such as fabric or embroidery.  Just as text contains words and memories, so do these domestic items that women created; they tell a story, too.

At the end there was a question and answer period that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Question 1
As everyone recognized that women's roles with physical religious objects has somewhat diminished over the years, the first query concerned how can we create this connection to religion through objects like the women had in years past.  Kris suggested offering to bake sacrament bread, cleaning ward buildings (sure, not glamorous, but still an opportunity to serve and connect), creating artwork for the walls of the church (if permissible), making tissue box covers (some women do find joy and connection in this!), and just watching for other tangible ways to connect.

I was recently asked to make the sacrament meeting programs.  Today as I sat in Relief Society folding them and putting in an insert, I thought about this being a way to connect to my religion.  Sure enough, even making the programs, knowing what's going on in the ward, helping others know what's going on in the ward, does help me connect to my religion.

Question 2
The second question was my favorite.  A younger woman, you could tell she was extremely touched by the lecture, shared that women today are trying to get away from the mundane, especially the repetitious traditional women's work, such as cleaning and cooking.  Kris had brought up Elaine Dalton's story about vacuuming the Conference Center earlier in the lecture, and the woman asking the question shared that at the time the story was given she did not like it because again it was an example of women being "reduced" to domestic work.  Yet, because of the lecture, she could see that there is sanctity in the mundane.  So much like the first question, how do we appreciate and reconnect with the simple sacred?  Kris suggested becoming a temple worker and carefully observing what goes on there, including the blessings of the temple.

The thing that popped into my head here is serving in our homes!  We have so many opportunities day in and day out to serve our spouse and children by taking care of (and teaching) domestic responsibility like cooking and cleaning. These jobs can keep our minds set on our families and our eternal purpose and goals as a family unit.  If we can't bake bread for the sacrament, we can bake it for our families whom we love; if we can't crochet coverings for the altars of the temple or make the carpets, we can create other heirlooms with our hands for our children.  Sewing is becoming such a lost art, yet as it is a labor of love, it connects us to whatever we've sewn as well as to whomever the item is for.

Question 3
The third question concerned how we've gone from a producing to a consuming society, and since much of what was produced by women is now purchased (and their necessary contributions were eliminated), women do not feel the same religious identity.  Kris suggested here being a producer in the home.  I realized that as home production is disappearing (see above paragraph), and even homemaking and child raising are going away in US culture.  Fewer people have children and sometimes when they do other people raise them.  When women do not have these emotional connections to their own children and their own homes because they outsource the work, my guess is there will be a lack of connection to those things (or people) that should be valued most.  Those important things and people will go by the wayside and connections and value will be lost.

I am going to suggest that there is some of this loss of connection and feeling going on in the ordain [LDS] women movement. Some women, because they're not directly connected to certain rituals and ordinances, even as they were historically, feel they want more out of our religion by obtaining the priesthood so they can more fully participate.  I will argue that even though women are not doing the same things, we can still have the same feelings and connections as men, but through different channels as has been discussed.

When I got home and told my husband about the lecture, my husband summarized it brilliantly:  So, women worked hard and sacrificed to sew and cook items for religious worship, and then "they" came along and said we're going to make your life easier by buying bread and disposable cups and purchasing garments and other linens, but now women complain they want more work again? Interesting thought.  Maybe we should try our hands at making our own garments and baking the sacrament bread.  Maybe then we would feel more connection to our religion through that labor.  Or, we could just find ritual, religious connection through other things we've been asked to do.

Question 4
Someone brought up creating connections through raising our children.  She remembered looking at her own working hands and seeing the hands of her mother -- this created a connection to her mother through her work.  This person stated that when we look for fulfillment outside our homes, we miss the special, spiritual experiences we can have inside the home.  We also need to create our own family rituals because they will create meaning in our lives.

Question 5 & 7
Question 5 concerned women giving blessings historically and how it was phased out.  I'm not even going to get into that here, but if you're really interested, just go read the paper mentioned at the top of this post.  Question 7 was similar as the asker wondered why we don't do these rituals anymore. Again, I think this is addressed in the original paper.

Question 6
Someone asked if female rituals of the past (blessings, textile contributions to the temples, sacrament offerings, etc.) were more valued within Mormonism than women's contributions outside of Mormonism.  Kris answered that some of these things were uniquely LDS, and yes, highly valued.

I was so glad I was able to attend Kris's lecture.  I felt empowered recognizing that even though in some ways I don't participate in religious rituals as regularly or directly as women in the early days of the church, I still can find modern ways to connect to my religion.  If you are interested in watching this lecture and getting more than my notes and personal interpretation, it was recorded for publication at a later date.  If I find out when or where that is, I will update it here.

Mom School

This summer I wanted the kids to focus on some things that I wanted them to learn.  School is good and all, but I wanted a little more say for the summer.  So, I came up with "Mom School."  Mom School this summer included swimming lessons, music, drama, dance, school review, and culture.

Our son needed to review elapsed time and work on his spelling and handwriting.  I also had him do a bit of typing and math drill reviews.  He took hip-hop with a friend, swimming, piano, and did a drama camp.

Our daughter needed to work on reading, but also took jazz, swimming, did KinderBach at home, and drama camp.

We kept busy and I was really glad to not have to compete with regular school!

For culture, I thought I'd choose a country a week to study.  I ended up choosing a specific country/week by the type of food we were in the mood for.  We ended up only doing about 1/2 our countries, but it was a good effort.  We covered China, Thailand, England, Sweden, India, and Mexico.  Sometimes I'd make the food, sometimes we'd go out.  I almost purchased the Confessions of a Homeschooler's curriculum, but instead made a really simple worksheet for the kids to complete to learn more about the country.  Then we'd talk about it.  They didn't always do all the worksheet, but it gave us a little focus.

Where's a Mom to Get a Vacation???

You thought the title of this post was a rhetorical question, didn't you?  But, I really have an answer:  ASPEN GROVE.

Aspen Grove is a family camp run by BYU and is located up Provo Canyon in Utah.  I hadn't heard about it until 6? years ago when my cousins went; although, it is 50 years old.  It really piqued my interest when I learned they watch your children when you stay there, which means mom really CAN have a vacation!

They have all sorts of activities: badminton, basketball, miniature golf, ping pong, pool, swimming, rock climbing, ropes course, arts and crafts, watercolor, wood pen turning, lectures, family dance, family games, etc.  You can choose to participate in them or not.  You can also choose to send your kids to their babysitting/classes or not.  My husband described the experience as 50% marriage retreat, 50% family vacation.  It's the best of both worlds:  quality family time together, but couple time, too.

For those of us who haven't ever really had our little kids go to any type of day care before, Aspen is brilliant in getting them to go.  The first day, the kids merely meet their leaders.  The second day they go for 2 hours.  The third day, about 3.  The fourth day, 5 or 6; The fifth day 7!!!  Then it decreases from there until you go home.

They're also brilliant in their food services.  First off they do all the cooking and cleaning for you!  When you go to the dining hall, they usually have three buffet food lines set up to meet the crowds.  As the numbers decline they close and clean up a food line, eventually leaving just one line for the stragglers and those who want seconds.  The food is also quite good and nearly always includes fruit and vegetable options.

When we went, Aspen Grove was about half-capacity in guests because school had started so many places, so it felt like we had a lot of the place to ourselves.  The staff and guests were all superb.  We loved becoming acquainted with everyone.  We definitely want to go back.  Being a week long event, though, makes it kind of hard if you want to do any other sort of vacation during your summer break especially if you're scheduling around dad's vacation time!

 Eating at the dining hall.

 

Archery 

Treadwall - indoor climbing 

Climbing/Ropes Course

Paintball 

Badminton

Hiking - Stewart Falls

 Hiking - First and Second Falls/Timpanogos

Climbing

Swimming

Family Dance

 Aspen Grove's Board Cabin

While there, we stayed at the "Board Cabin."  Before we went, I Googled for pictures of the inside so I would have a better idea of what to expect.  I was unable to find any, so we took some while we were there, that might be useful to someone, sometime.

The beautiful walk to the Board Cabin

Living room with hide-a-bed.  Adjoining door to other side of Board Cabin on right.  Rent both sides!  However, the walls are very thin!  I felt bad for our neighbors as our baby woke up and cried at least once a night.

Loft up above.  To the right is the door to the bathroom.  You can shut it to keep out noise between the bathroom and the living room.  Additionally there's another door between the bathroom and the bedroom, so you can shut that off, too.  Notice the mini-fridge on the left.

 Four twin beds, three mats.  You could put 7 kids up here!  So in all, you could have 2 in the queen bed, plus a crib, plus 2 in the hide-a-bed, plus the 7 upstairs.  That's 11 people in just one side of the Board Cabin!  If you rent both sides, I suppose you could sleep 22 people in there!  I'm not sure if they'd let you, though!

The master bedroom has it's own exterior door, so if people are sleeping in the living room, you can sneak out the back without disturbing them.

Queen size bed, closet, mini-crib provided for baby, if needed.

Baby got a cold and was an even worse sleeper, so we pulled the queen mattress out of the bedroom and and put it on top of the hide-a-bed in the living room and slept there.  Who wants to sleep on a hide-a-bed, anyway?

There are three towel racks.  You can hang 7 towels!  Stand up shower only.

Ample hooks.

They could use a shelf in the bathroom.  Or just bring some sort of hanging bag you can hang on the towel rack.

Covenant Motherhood by Stephanie Dibb Sorensen

While on vacation I finished a book. I couldn't believe it.  I think I need to go on more vacations so I can finish more books.  The book was Covenant Motherhood by Stephanie Dibb Sorensen. Even cooler than finishing the book, I got to go to her Friday Education Week class, meet her, AND have dinner with her and a few others afterward. 

In her book, Stephanie identifies so many parallels between the roles of mothers and the roles of Christ. It's so easy to think that what we are doing as mothers is mundane and unimportant, but Stephanie makes you feel so good and useful! The titles of her chapters will give you an idea of where she goes with this: 

* Chapter 1: Motherhood Testifies of Christ 

* Chapters 2-9: Jesus Christ Creates, Teaches, Succors, Provides, Cleanses, Defends and Protects, Loves and Sacrifices, Forgives and Shares Burdens, and Saves 

* Chapters 10: Grace and the Covenant 

* Chapter 11: (My favorite) The Eternal Influence of Covenant Motherhood 

On page 4, Stephanie shares a quote by Neal A. Maxwell about God's work being one eternal round, including his "continuous redemption for His children." Yes, we're always messing up and God is always having to work with us and forgive us. I can imagine that could be tedious. I also thought of temple work, and how it can be so repetitive, yet, we don't give up on it, nor does God because it is so important. 

Speaking of the temple, on page 9, I loved this: "We know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ created a world where God's children could grow. As part of this divine and creative partnership, mothers also create a world where their children live and grow. This mother-made world consists of home and family. . . . A mother is the temple matron in her own home, doing all she can to make it a place filled with the Spirit of God. . . ." Doesn't that feel good? 

Throughout the book, I enjoyed how I related to Stephanie in regards to wondering if she's cut out for motherhood. On page 55, she states: "I also thought people chose to be moms because they loved all of that kid-related stuff, like playdates at the park and making your own baby food ann baking cookies for the PTA. Now that I'm all grown up, I realize that probably only about 1.7 percent of the population is well equipped to automatically be a great mother. The rest of us just kind of muddle through it somehow. . . ." What a great discovery. I often look at other moms thinking they wanted this chasing kids, and changing diapers, what's wrong with me? If I could only want this it would be so much easer. But, Stephanie's probably onto something --- more of us are muddling through this than we think! 

In the last chapter, which I mentioned was my favorite, Stephanie poses several questions. I'll tell you the questions, but I won't tell you the answers. 

 Q: Many women are educated, talented, and extremely capable. Isn't it a waste of their skills to spend time with children when they could make a bigger difference in the public sphere? When so many options are available, doesn't it make sense to outsource the more menial tasks of childcare so that women can do bigger things? 

 Q: No one seems to notice the work I do, which makes it feel like it doesn't matter. I wonder if there would be more rewards or recognition in other pursuits. 

 Q: Sometimes, even within the gospel, it feels like mothers with young children aren't able to accomplish all that they are supposed to do. When my children are so young and needy, how can I possibly do family history work, be a missionary, attend the temple regularly, and be an active contributor to the missions of the Church? 

 Q: I try so hard to do what's right and be a good mom, but it's so difficult to measure any success. My children don't seem to make much progress with all of the things I'm trying to teach them, and I often feel weary. Am I really making an important difference in their lives? 

Q: Some people seem to leave their mark on history in big ways, and my contribution is so small and unrecognizable. Does Heavenly Father really value what I'm doing, and does it add value to our society? 

If you are struggling with feeling value in motherhood, Covenant Motherhood will help you realize how important, beautiful, and fulfilling it actually is. 

Put on display like a trophy?

Recently we went to the outdoor Logan Aquatics Center and had a great time.  We especially had fun going down the water slides.  After taking our tiny 4-year old down the twisty slide a couple times, I was shocked that she wanted to go all by herself.  She did it two times.  Thankfully, the lifeguards were prepared to catch her at the bottom!

I noticed while there that lots of females wore cute, flattering, and even modest swimsuits --- if you can call a swimsuit modest!  And, of course, there were plenty of bikinis --- the more endowed the woman, the smaller the bikini (seems).  I tried not to notice the flesh hanging out all around me.

As I waited in line for one of the water slides with my daughter, several males, and other modestly-suited females, a very attractive mother in a blue and white polka-dot bikini came up the stairs and stood a few people behind us.  She looked great: thin, smooth, hairless, rounded in all the right places.  I totally checked her out.  OK, not in a sexual way, but first in a stunned way that she'd be okay that all these people could see her in her near naked state.  I wondered if she really felt okay like that, especially with her little daughter standing right beside her.

Secondly, I looked at her like she was on display.  I looked at her like I would look at someone's Emmy Award if they showed it to me.  Why would you look away when an award winner shows you her prize?  It is on display after all --- all shiny and bright, just wanting to be looked at and admired.  I looked at her the same way I look at the punk kid with long hair and dumpy clothes who walks up to the Sacrament table to prepare the Sacrament.  Are you serious?  He thinks that is becoming of the Lord?  I looked at her like I look at a person covered with tattoos or piercings or makeup.  Don't they do those things to their bodies because they want to stand out?  They want to be different?  They want you to look?  Oh, you don't want me to look at your tattooed arm and neck?  Uh, sorry, it was kind of hard not to notice.

Are we modest when we do these things?  I don't think so.  Modesty is blending in, not drawing attention to oneself, but honoring God and glorifying him in all we do, not taking the glory ourselves.

Now of course, some women DO want to be looked at and lusted after, and I guess they have their wish when they go to the pool.  However, some are ignorant like the cute teens in their bikinis who haven't yet realized that the 40-year old men are checking them out just as much as the 17-year old guys. Do they really want that?

As I began to feel that the women in bikinis were putting themselves on display, I began to not feel so bad for looking.  I also didn't feel quite so ashamed for the men checking out the women.  Hey, if the women didn't want to be looked at, they could have chosen something different to wear.  More seriously, I really don't know what women think when they wear bikinis as I've never asked a bikini-wearer why she wears one, nor have I ever worn a bikini to know what would go through my head.

In a 1979 question to Ann Landers, both Ann and the inquisitor share my thoughts.

Dear Ann Landers: . . . I am getting a lot of flak from my college freshman daughter in regard to whether or not a girl who wears a bikini is an innocent little thing or a smart little teaser.  I don't buy the line, "Dirty thoughts are in the mind of the beholder." I am fed up with this worn-out excuse for all sorts of exhibitionism.

Isn't it about time we woke up to the fact that a girl in a bikini is sexually stimulating?  My daughter says, "Only to men with evil minds." What do you say, Ann? --- Concerned Parent

Dear C.P.: I'm with you, especially when it comes to those generously endowed dames who wear postage-stamp bottoms with spaghetti string bras.  When she bought the bikini she knew how much of her would be on display.

Too bad these over-exposed females don't know that a woman's greatest asset is a man's imagination.

I am absolutely of the opinion that men should control their thoughts, but should they really be expected not to notice or look at the rear of the woman in front of them in line a couple steps up?  Well sure, but I can't imagine it could be easy.  All I can say here is along with my other good, Christian (or any other high-/traditional-valued) sisters for modesty, can't we just give these men a break?!  Can't we do them a favor by not showing so much skin?

So what was I wearing to keep me from being put on display you may wonder.  Well, there were three reasons for how I dressed: practicality, body insecurity, and respect.

First, practicality.  My aunt and uncle lived in Australia for three years.  I was tickled when I learned that lots of people there swam in rash guards.  Fantastic!  A swim shirt would protect me from the sun, allow me not to spend so much time applying sunblock, and keep me more modest.  A win, win, win!   I bought one, and that is what I wear the majority of the time I swim outdoors.

http://www.buy-rash-guards.com/womens-rash-guard.html

Second, body insecurity.  I chose to wear board shorts (ok, they were Wal-Mart running shorts because I can't fit into my old board shorts, and I didn't want to fork out the money for new ones) for the sun protection, use of less sunblock, more modesty, less shaving, and my body insecurities.

Honestly, I'm really insecure about my thighs.  My shape is kind of that of an oompa-loompa and my cottage cheese, I mean fat, is stored on my thighs.  It's really not attractive.  How I wish I wasn't programmed to be so concerned about it, but I am.  I admired the younger gal at the aquatics center whose belly hung out over her bikini and wondered if she knew she looked like that.  If she did, good on her for not worrying about it.  I was jealous of the men, some also with bellies, in their knee-length swim trunks and wished my shorts were longer.  I wondered how many other people felt as self- conscious about whatever body part as I did about my thighs. I realized that even some beautiful-looking people probably felt just as insecure as I did.  I wish my main purpose in covering up was to merely be modest, but it's not.

Now, at this point since you know what I wore, you could argue that I was the one being immodest because I stood out for my more covered body.  Oh well.

Third, respect.  I believe that by being more modest I show myself, God, and others around me respect. I believe as stated in For the Strength of Youth that MY "body is God's sacred creation.  Respect is a gift from God. . . . Through [my] dress and appearance, [I] can show the Lord that [I] know how precious [my] body is.  [I] can show that [I am] a disciple of Jesus Christ."

In addition to me showing respect by my modesty, at least one recent study indicated that men more highly respect women who are modest (I need to find the reference).  They don't view them as body parts as they would view an immodest woman.  I've always valued intelligence, so it's only natural that I'd want to be valued and respected for my intellect rather than merely my looks, which would mean I ought to cover up.

In conclusion, I need to publicly apologize to the polka-dot bikini mom for gloating at her, but I also thank her for helping me better realize that I do not want to put myself on display to be looked at like a trophy, a tattoo, piercings, makeup, or whatever else we do to show off.


Somewhat related: Matt Walsh's view on porn & breastfeeding.

Getting Children to Earn Their Keep

Last week we got an e-mail from our almost fifth grader's teacher about supplies he could use for school such as a wireless mouse, flash drive, ear buds, folders, notebooks, dry erase markers, pencils, pens, etc. I went out and bought the stuff, but thought, now why should I just give this to him? I decided he should earn it. So, I put the items in a box, and on each item I put a sticky note with a small chore such as walk the baby around the circle in the wagon five times, or clean the baseboards in your bedroom, or dust the ceiling corners on the main floor, or straighten the books, or clean out the silverware drawer. He's been so willing to do these jobs because he's really excited to get all this new stuff.

The thing that surprises me the most is actually his ability to work.  I've grossly underestimated his attention span for work.  When he's motivated, he's motivated!  He's gotten so many of the little things done that I've wanted to get done so quickly. I'll need to apply this concept to school clothes, I believe!