Understanding My Role as a Mother

I recently read, Loving the Role I Once Shunned, and enjoyed how the author, Marian Pond, related to me!  Basically she said that because of how she grew up, she didn't really value motherhood; however, she was willing to give it a try.  After doing as much as SHE could to change her attitudes of "I can't stand kids!", she realized SHE couldn't do it, so she turned to the Lord and He helped her change:

I have learned that when the Lord asks mothers to accept and grow in our divinely appointed role by devoting our full time, energy, and talent, it is not simply because it helps past or future generations. He asks us to fill the place He designed for us because He knows it is the best way to prepare for our eternal destiny.

If for any reason you're not sure what I mean when I say there are certain things out there that give us bad attitudes toward family, Julie Beck gives a good explanation:

Many of our youth are losing confidence in the institution of families. They’re placing more and more value on education and less and less importance on forming an eternal family.  Many don’t see forming families as a faith-based work. For them, it’s a selection process much like shopping. . . .  Parents are being portrayed as inept and out of touch. Antifamily media messages are everywhere. Youth are being desensitized about the need to form eternal families.

This was in Julie Beck's talk called, "Teaching the Doctrine of the Family".  I was happy to see a modified and condensed version of her original talk in the Ensign this month!  The longer talk is really great because she's able to explain principles in more detail.


I think sometimes we may be dissatisfied with our role because we don't understand it.   When we pray to understand it (i.e. pray for a mother heart), we will be so much happier!

I just finished Pat Holland's A Quiet Heart.  What an absolutely lovely book!  I've heard of it a few places, including on the Holland's Conversation on Mormon Radio, but hadn't gotten around to buying and reading it.

Sister Holland wrote about how when she has a problem, she goes to our Father in Heaven in prayer -- for hours.  She recognizes that to pray for hours is easily considered impossible.  However, she goes on to explain:

. . . if it is a high priority and a fundamental goal in your life, you will find ways, early or late, to be with God.  If the key to your car or your mortgage payment check or a child were lost, would you take time to find them?  Wouldn't finding them provide that peace you needed to then go about your day?  . . . .

If you believed that your earthly father could could comfort any heartache, heal any illness, solve any problem, or just be with you through the crucibles of life, wouldn't you call to him constantly?  I am just childish enough to believe that our Father in Heaven can bless us in all those ways.  The price to be paid for this kind of communion is time and your best powers of concentration, but by that investment you may offset untold hours, days, weeks, and months of struggle or sorrow or pain (pages 7-8 )."

I can say, that I am finding more peace and happiness as I learn to understand my role as a mother, and it really does make life easier!

Mothers Who Know

Although I try and not put everything on my fridge, I wanted to put up (for now) some/most of Julie Beck's suggestions from Mothers Who Know to help me remember where my focus should be.  If you don't want to re-invent the wheel, here's what I did.

This is what it says:

The responsibility mothers have today has never required more vigilance.  More than at any time in the history of the world, we need mothers who know.

·    “. . .In the eternal perspective, children—not possessions, not position, not prestige—are our greatest jewels.”
·    The value women place on motherhood in this life and the attributes of motherhood they attain here will rise with them in the Resurrection.
·    We honor sacred ordinances and covenants.
·    We know that if we are not pointing our children to the temple, we are not pointing them toward desired eternal goals.
·    We create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in our homes.
·    We work beside children in homemaking tasks (cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home) to create opportunities to teach and model qualities children should emulate.
·    We are knowledgeable, but all the education we attain will avail us nothing if we do not have the skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth.
·    Nurturing requires organization, patience, love, and work.
·    We do not abandon our plan (missions, temple marriages, education, prayer, scripture study, and family home evening) by succumbing to social pressure and worldly models of parenting.
·    We are selective about our own activities and involvement to conserve our limited strength in order to maximize our influence where it matters most.
·    We consider our homes as a pre–missionary training center.
·    We allow less media in our homes, less distraction, less activity that draws our children away from our home.
·    We are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with our children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying.
·    We choose carefully and do not try to choose it all.

Don't Revere the Pioneer

I just read Don't Revere the Pioneer by Eva over at LAF/Beautiful Womanhood.  I know I have the tendency to idolize those great women who came before us and all that they did; but, the point of the article is that we are here now for a reason, and we're pretty amazing, too!

Women of God vs. Feminism

A while back I was curious about the LDS Church and feminism.  J Tolman over at LDS Women of God just posted a great & brief summary on the whole woman's movement in regards to the Church.  I quite enjoyed it!  She doesn't associate herself with the word feminism like some of us do, but I think that's all a matter of definition.  I think we really look at it the same way.

How Do I Change My Husband?

My sister-in-law, Sam, got How Do I Change My Husband by Merrilee Boyak for Christmas and let me borrow it when she was done. I'd forgotten I'd heard the talk, or much of it, at BYU's Education Week, so it wasn't too new to me.

The one thing I wanted to mention, though -- somewhat related to the last post -- was that Merrilee shared how she used to always try and change her husband to be more like her, then someone pointed out that because of their opposite natures, skills, talents, and qualities, they have all they need for salvation between the two of them (with of course Jesus Christ).  OK, that's probably not exactly how she said it (it's been a few months).

Isn't it true that if you look at you and your spouse you really balance each other out both in temporal ways as well as spiritual?  I suppose that's why they say opposites attract!

It's things like this that make me want to be a better wife!

I recently read a post over at Mormon Momma regarding some potential favoritism toward women and rejection of men and their roles and needs.  Some of the discussion I quite agreed with, others of it I don't totally agree with, but I can understand why people feel the way they do.  No need to go into it, you can read it and decide where you fit in.  However, one commenter, Lisa, made some profound statements about women doing their part that I wanted to post:

In the past I have had membership on large LDS women only message boards. While dozens of the members would complain about their husbands (or ex-husbands) joining recreational sporting leagues, gaming during off-work hours or taking too much time away in fulfilling their priesthood directed church duties like home teaching or presidency responsibilities, these women would spend many hours a day lurking on the internet chat forums, spending a great deal of money shopping for unnecessary, costly items and planning GNO’s where they would go and gossip about their husbands and tut-tut over their man’s inadequacies.

If many a woman doesn’t “feel” like providing a meal to her family on any given day, she feels entitled to shirking her duty to family in a pseudo-liberation rant of “I don’t have to do anything I don’t feel like!” and is applauded by her friends on Facebook or in gossip circles. If a man doesn’t “feel” like leading family prayer or in other family responsibilities, he’s labeled slothful and belittled. If a woman doesn’t want to clean her home and would rather craft the day away, more often than not- a man would be vilified for spending his day on a hobby when his wife expects him to tick off items on her Honey-Do list. I would think that both partners would deserve the reprimand for bad behaviors.

It’s a clear double standard that is even applied to physical affection. More often than not, a woman shouldn’t “have” to share intimacy if she doesn’t feel like it and can be quite rude about it but if a man refuses when approached by his wife, he is accused of sending the message that she is undesirable and unloveable and a beast for being “mean”. I’ve seen the complaint so. many. times. from woman who do not see the unfairness of the situation they put their men in.

I worry about the Pavlov’s dog analogy and if the society that is trying to uplift women is not in fact suppressing manhood and men, for men who enable bad behavior on the part of women are doing themselves and society no favors. I am doing my best to teach my daughters that women are to be held as accountable as men and to see equal respect for doing their duties- not elevated praise and adoration while casting the efforts of men by the wayside. I sincerely hope that there are mothers raising sons to see fairness and hard work as a mutual yoke in marriage. And I hope my girls can find those boys in the dating pool someday.

Fleeting Childhood

(Editor Emily's note:  I asked my friend Heather if I could link to this post on her blog or just re-post it.  I like the visual, so I'm just re-posting the whole thing.  I'd love for Heather to post on this blog, but she's a little busy with 4 girls, a big calling, and serious family issues going on -- so I'm doing it for her!)

by Heather -- 24 Feb 2011

Today I was given a great reminder about how quickly time passes. For the last few weeks my mind has been bent toward my little sister & her baby. Haylee's baby has a brain cyst & has had to have one surgery already and is back at the hospital scheduled for another.

Well, this morning, I was getting Rachel some strawberry milk when the phone rang. My mom was calling to give me the update from Haylee and when I came back from the phone call to see how Rachel was enjoying her milk this was the scene in the kitchen.

It was such a visual reminder to me to enjoy the moment and be there for my kids. I love being around when my kids have flavored milk because they enjoy it so much and it is a sure way for me to get a compliment on being the "best mom ever!"

So, seeing the empty cup when I came back just reminded me how important it is to be there to enjoy my kids & to be there with them whenever I can.