It Pays to Wait

Study:  Couples who delay having sex get benefits later, BYU News Archives, Dec 22, 2010

Body Power

A while back I read Kathryn Soper's Why Standard's Night is Substandard.  She suggests that when we teach intimacy to young people, we tend to focus on young men bridling their passions and young women trying not to ignite that flame in young men.  She feels that we also need to discuss why some young women let their standards down:  the need for acceptance, love, joy, fulfillment, and one I hadn't thought of -- power.

I can't say power has been a huge factor in my life. I tend to fall in the Wendy Shalit camp where I'd rather be known and respected for my intellect than for my body (p. 30 Girls Gone Mild). However, I think Soper had a valid point that affects a lot of girls and women.

For example, I was at the grocery store on a busy day last December.  A woman was walking toward me wearing a tight, see-through, lacy, long-sleeved top with a skimpy tank top underneath.  The man walking in front of me noticed her, too.  I can't remember if he turned around after she passed to check out her back side, but I did notice the look of satisfaction on the the woman's face after she'd noticed she'd caught the man's attention!  I tried hard not to laugh!  Soper was totally right!

I believe Shalit would agree with Soper's point (p. 107, Girls Gone Mild), but she would also add more to the discussion regarding modesty in general.  After I finish Girls Gone Mild, I'll share some of her quotes.

Taking a Stand at Barnes and Noble

Here's another one.  Someone's got to do it, right?

To Whom it May Concern:

During December, I was at your store purchasing a gift card.  As I approached the checkout counter, I noticed several magazine covers that do not fit our community standard for decency (i.e. those containing scantily clad women).  I immediately thought how glad I was that I hadn’t brought my children shopping that day!  I purchased my gift card and went on my way.

The following week, I requested that a volunteer from our elementary school, where I sit on our PTA board, purchase additional gift cards from your store for prizes for our upcoming Geography Bowl.  After I asked her to do that, I remembered the experience I had with the magazines the week prior.  I realized by giving out the gift cards, we would be bringing elementary school aged children into your store and exposing them to things they do not need or want to see.

I know it would be too much to ask to remove magazines with inappropriate covers and content from your store, but could you please move them away to at least the magazine section, or merely provide covers if they must remain by the checkout counter?  It would make your store a much more comfortable place to shop.

Taking a Stand with the Dentist's Office

I don't normally write things like this, but I thought I'd take a stand:

Dear Dr. M:

We have been coming to your office for some time now; I’m sure you’ll remember us.  I’m the one who always has to tell you how my cute brother in law is doing in dental school.  Anyway, thank you so much for taking care of our oral hygiene needs!   We’ve always enjoyed your skilled staff and the services you all provide.

I wanted to write and bring up a concern that I’ve had on this visit and on the last.  Specifically, last week, when I walked into your office with my three kids, right within our view was a inappropriate picture of a woman on a magazine.  I picked it up before the kids could see it, intending to flip it over.  In the meantime, the lady at the desk needed me to update some paperwork, so I took the magazine with me and flipped it at the counter.  To my astonishment, an even more scantily clad lady was on the other side!  Not knowing what to do with the magazine, I handed it to the gal at the desk and told her to something with it.

Across the room I also noticed magazines that I didn’t want my kids to go near, so I kept them close.  I know you’re a family guy and run a family-oriented dental business, so I hope you can do something with the magazines, thus making it a more comfortable place for us all to come.

Thank you again for your service and hope to see you in the future!

1/13/11 Update:  I went in for my dental cleaning today.  I noticed ALL the objectionable magazines were GONE.  I hadn't sent my letter yet for two reasons. One, I thought I'd see what would happen between the kids' appointment and mine; and two, honestly, if I sent the letter when I wrote it, the dentist would have gotten it before my appointment.  I didn't want to feel awkward at my cleaning.  Anyway, I did mention the situation to the dentist about the magazines being gone.  He said he hadn't even been aware they were there since he rarely even goes in the waiting room.  Sometimes they also get the magazines just sent to them from the publishers.  He's seen similar situations in other offices, and the dentists just don't know the magazines are there.  He said please let them know if there are questionable magazines in the waiting area because he doesn't want them there either.  I knew our community had a higher community standard!  And... thanks to the desk gals who just took care of the problem!

Daughters in My Kingdom

I was reviewing Sister Julie Beck's great talk from our last General Relief Society Meeting and I was struck with the warnings she gives. I know that this is a long quote, but I thought that it was very interesting, she says, "

Because we are living in the last days of this earth, there are signs of a great struggle everywhere. Myths and misperceptions regarding the strength, purpose, and position of Latter-day Saint women abound. Prevailing myths imply that we are of lower importance than men, that we are generally sweet butuninformed, and that no matter what we do, we will never be enough to beaccepted by our Heavenly Father. As the Apostle Peter said, there are “false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denyingthe Lord that bought them.”

The Book of Mormon describes what is happening: “For behold, at that day shall [Satan] rage in the hearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good.“And others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security,that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.“And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none—and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains.”

In the growing climate of entitlement, excuse, apathy, and enticement, daughters of God who are not watchful, prayerful, and inspired are increasingly at risk of becoming what the scriptures describe as “silly women” who worship a variety of“strange gods.” Sadly, as a result of life’s difficulties and the world’s popular heresies, many sisters believe the myths more than the truth. Their misalignment with God’s plan is demonstrated in findings that many are not doing essential things such as praying and reading scriptures. The Lord Himself has said that “this is a day of warning, and not a day of many words.”"

Looking over those myths I have to admit that I have let myself believe at least some of them at different points in my life. Sister Beck goes on to say that reviewing our history with the great women that our church has had will strengthen us in these days. I know that for myself looking to other strong women has taught me more than just about anything else concerning who I want to become. I know that Heavenly Father expects amazing things from His daughters and I know that through the gospel we can deliver what he needs for us to do.

For Sis. Beck's full article check this link.

So What Else Do You Do?

I ran across this post the other day and loved the reminder about how important the seemingly endless tasks of taking care of our children really are. I love the comparisons of mothers' work to that of the Savior and how when He walked the earth he made sure to care for the physical as well as the spiritual. This was definitely a great reminder for me!

The Lion and the Lioness

I just finished listening to The Lion and the Lioness regarding Brigham Young and Eliza R. Snow.  With my love of history, I just loved hearing about women in Nauvoo, the Relief Society, and early Salt Lake City.  I love to hear how women were involved in society and how the interactions between men and women were.  As I listened, the thought crossed my mind, and it may be completely absurd and the details out of context, but that some of the LDS polygamous women back then (1800s) were getting out into society the way feminists of the 1960s also wanted women to get involved in society.  One example was women getting involved in medicine.  How's that for an idea?

(Now I'm not promoting polygamy here, nor am I promoting liberal feminist causes, but I thought it was an interesting observation.)