Sunday, May 19, 2019

Can you do cool stuff and still have a family?

I've been enjoying the heck out of the What's Her Name Podcasts. However, I've realized that very few of the women reported on had children! I'm sure some of them did, but since that was such a normal thing, it wasn't worth the mention, maybe. But, it seems that in history if you were to do anything really cool, you didn't have children. Maybe if you had them, it just took you out of the ability-to-do-something-cool circle. While on the treadmill yesterday, I also turned on the Annie Oakley American Experience on PBS. Again: no children!

Is it really not possible to do cool stuff if you have kids? I was reminded tonight that yes, you can. I went to a Young Women's fireside with my daughter and husband where our mayor spoke. She's a woman, three years older than me. Her kids are older than mine; she started much sooner than I did. She dropped out of college because the babies kept coming and she felt it was what she needed to do at that time. She's back in school now working on a bachelor's with the goal to get a master's eventually.

Isn't it funny that I thought that the worst thing possible that could happen to me while in college was to get married and then get pregnant because that would ruin my educational plans? I guess for me I wasn't ready for the sacrifice of parent responsibilities, but some young people do it, and well! I would have thought people who do this were silly back then, but I admire them now, especially when they re-enter the college scene to continue their education as an older adult.

Kathryn Skaggs of Latter-day Saint Women Stand, a grandma, is doing it. My friend Emily M. S. just graduated with a law degree. How I admire them for having the guts to go back amidst having a family life!

As for women doing cool stuff AND having children, it does happen, and maybe it's more acceptable to do it now, but Carol Allen of Big Ocean Women has lots of kids and she's getting the word out there on maternal feminism. On the MWEG Facebook discussion group, there was a conversation about women who've gotten involved in the public sphere/politically who are Latter-day Saints. There are MANY MANY. My follow-up question is how many children do they each have? My hope is renewed in that you can do cool stuff and still have children; you don't have to give up family life to change the world.

I feel that the message to our local young women and young mothers is you get to choose - do what YOU want when you want, and you can really see a decline in family size because of this. So, it was refreshing to see the example of our mayor CHOOSING to have a family during those prime child-bearing years, but still eventually be involved so strongly in the community.

3 comments:

The Wright Family said...

I think your post is sad. I'm nearing the end of my time having little kids at home (9 amazing kids, 18 years of little kids home) and now that I have the chance to look forward to time with all of my kids in school I have realized that there is nothing greater I will do in the future than to encourage and support my family. The "cool things" you refer to all have very limited scope in the eternities. Will I still go out and do good things to make the world better? Absolutely, but NOTHING will compare to the good I do in my own home.

"One of the greatest blessings we can offer to the world is the power of a Christ-centered home where the gospel is taught, covenants are kept, and love abounds."

- Richard G. Scott "For Peace At Home"

Emily said...

My writing skills are rusty, so hopefully I can say what I mean! I find it particularly sad that all these "famous" or not so famous, but forgotten, women seemed to have to choose not having a family to get to where they did. I'd imagine it was a missed opportunity to partake of the "greatest blessings" you mentioned. I'm glad that today women can seem to have both, but the pressure is so much. Doing "cool stuff," even things like remodeling, not even changing the world, always has a draw for me, and it's such a fight in my head when I have to put it aside because child care takes so much time. I'm still trying to find the balance. I'm glad I'm putting my family first, but sometimes I've sad that I've had to sacrifice things I've wanted to do. One of my mottos is opposition in all things, and I guess this is another instance.

Emily said...

...sometimes *I'm* sad...

Plus, the funny thing is, it's not like I've had some major aspiration like law school or starting a non-profit, or writing a book, or anything!