Teaching the Doctrine of the Family

I read "Teaching the Doctrine of the Family" by Julie Beck last night.  Wow.  She hit the nail right on the head.  Wow again.

She started off the talk mentioning how she'd asked young people why their education is so important.  She got many replies.  Anything from it's "the key to success" to a way "to meet other great . . . youth."  The answer that was strongly lacking was that of, "So I will someday be a better family leader."  She goes on:

Family is rarely on their minds.  Their responses are generally about self, and of course we know this is the time of life they're in.  They're living in a very self-interested time of life, but they aren't thinking about family.

Julie Beck points out that the youth are surrounded by "evidence. . . that the family is not important."  "They don't see forming families as a faith-based work."  She says "They are being desensitized about the need to form families." The youth are bombarded with messages of "You are the one who will get yourself ahead.  It's because of your skills and intelligence that you will be successful."  It's not about God and family, it's about you.  We need to make sure they know it really is about God and family.

This all reminds me of when I was considering going to graduate school.  I was counseled in filling out my applications:  "Don't write how you think this program will help you be a better mother (or father) because that won't help you get in."  But wasn't that really what my end goal should have been --  my future family?  I wasn't doing this to further my career (what career? I really didn't want one anyway -- I didn't want to get set on one that I'd have to eventually give up).

Family.  The core of LDS theology (summarizing Julie Beck):  If we believe that the glory of God is "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39), meaning being connected eternally as families through the priesthood ordinances found in temples of Christ's restored church, then family has to be our main focus so we can fulfill the glory of God and not "utterly waste" the creation of the earth (D&C 2: 1-3).

Julie Beck explains further:

The Creation of the earth was the creation of an earth where a family could live.  It was a creation of a man and a woman who were the two essential halves of a family.  It was not about a creation of a man and a woman who happened to have a family.  It was intentional all along that Adam and Eve form an eternal family. . . .  That was the plan of happiness.

The Fall provided a way for the family to grow. . . in numbers and grow in experience. . . . The Atonement allows for the family to be sealed together eternally. . . .  The plan of happiness and the plan of salvation was a plan created for families.  I don't think very many of the rising generation understand that the main pillars of our theology are centered in the family.

You know how the question, "What Would Jesus Do?" had it's little fad several years ago?  I mean it's a good thing to ask yourself, but it did have a popular time there.  Similarly, over the last year or so when trying to answer a question, I've also considered, "What does this do to the family?" or "How does this affect the family." 

By applying that question, you can see why the LDS Church answers the way it does concerning gay marriage, immigration, or other topics.  If the issue doesn't promote families, you can bet the LDS Church will not be in favor of it.

Anyway, awesome article.  Thanks for sending it along, Bridget!

When You Feel Inadequate as a Mother

Again, my friend Bridget sent me a link to "When you Feel Inadequate as a Mother" by Claudia T. Goates.  I liked that one.  It's been a little while since I read it, but I must be in the adolescence stage of motherhood since I'm always trying to find things to help me feel good about staying home!

Julie Beck's Address from BYU Women's Conference

I wanted to jot down my thoughts after reading Julie Beck's talk from BYU Women's Conference.

First of all, I love Sister Beck.  I think she's great.  She says it like it is.

Secondly, I was quite amazed at how the things she said in her talk very much paralleled some of the ideas in Passionate Housewives Desperate for God.

Thirdly, things that stood out:

Let us talk now about how we choose to walk with the Lord. First of all, we have to know what our responsibilities are and how to fulfill them. We know that, as women of God, this is a time when we need an increase of faith and personal righteousness. Never at any time in the world have we needed more faith from the women of God. . . .  The kind of faith that creates miracles and calls down the powers of angels and heavenly help. That kind of increase of faith and personal righteousness will strengthen us. Never at any time in the history of the world have we needed stronger families and stronger homes.

To be an effective lioness we need to prioritize or we lose power (the power to carry out our missions in life).  Sister Beck suggested categorizing into essential things, necessary things, and nice-to-do things.  This reminded me of Dallin Oaks talk, Good, Better, Best -- something I'm always struggling with!  Along those lines, I've had a couple friends say lately how they need to focus more on their kids, their husbands, their scriptures, their prayers, the temple, but it's so easy to get caught up in school and other worthwhile, non-essential activities.

Essential Things (for our salvation)

• Personal revelation
• Scriptures
• Prayer (with a paper and pencil)
• Pondering
• Fasting
• Sharing the gospel and your testimony

Necessary Things

• Homemaking (necessary to keep a house of order)
• Meals
• Being happy
• Family Home Evening
• Family recreation time
• Comforting and supporting your husband "with consoling words and a spirit of meekness" and kindness (big one in Passionate Housewives) and don't ask your husband to provide you with unnecessary things you can't afford
• Self-reliance
• Love

Nice-to-do Things

• Crafts
• Hobbies
• Recreational reading
• Movies
• Travel
• Lunch with friends
  

Interestingly, Passionate Housewives even goes so far as to say that this "Me Time" is a myth.  They suggest just getting over yourself and serving others (essentially your family).  I do know the ladies who wrote the book do get that "me time" for "nice-to-do's" and they appreciate it when it comes, but they don't sulk over it when they don't get it.

Sister Beck suggested that our day is broken up into three shifts, and usually we can be at our best 2 - 2.5 of the 3 shifts. She encourages us to save up our energy for our most difficult shift so that it can run smoothly.  Perhaps it's when the kids get home from school and we're trying to prepare dinner.   She hopes we will have saved up some of our energy to be able to manage that difficult time of the day.

The Lioness at the Gate

I asked some friends to help me come up with a new title for Stay at Home Feminism because the word feminism is generally so disliked, and I didn't want to scare anyone away because of the word.  While up with her children one night, my friend Bridget came up with some suggestions.  One included Julie Beck's idea of a lioness at the gate guarding her family.  I loved it!  It's catchy, it's powerful, it's feminine.

The intent of the title is not to conjure up thoughts of "I am woman, hear me roar," but to remind us all that ". . .women are like lionesses at the gate of the home. Whatever happens in that home and family happens because she cares about it and it matters to her. She guards that gate. . . ."  If there are influences coming into our homes, though, that threaten us and our families, I certainly hope we'll roar back and do our best to get them out.

Read more about being a lioness from Julie B. Beck here.

New Name and New URL

OK, so it looks like 75% of you out there (3) like The Lioness at the Gate title and 25% of you (1) like It's OK to Stay Home. . . Really.  I know it's a very pathetic sample, but because this blog is in its most likely eternal infancy, and I like the lioness name, too, I think I'll swap it.

Since everyone hates the word feminism, I'm going to change this URL to http://latg.blogspot.com/.  Get it:  The Lioness at the Gate?

I'm sorry, I'm a bit sarcastic tonight.  I know not all of you hate the word feminism, but I don't want to make anyone feel evil for looking at a blog with the word in its URL.

Not sure when the change will occur, but hopefully soon.

Join the Resistance

Apparently there's a new exhibit over in Europe portraying Hitler not as a man who led much of Germany astray, but as a man who represented the feelings of many Germans at the time.  I caught a little bit of NPR this morning where they were talking about the subject.  Something struck me: although these may have been some of the general feelings at the time (that it was okay to hate people and do horrible things to them), some people still resisted.  These people put their lives on the line to save others.

Then I realized, is this not like pornography today?  Although it may appear to be generally accepted in American culture (look at Hollywood and other media), not everyone buys it.  We have to resist.  We must voice our concerns that we want to maintain a "higher community standard."  We must be a vigilant lioness and protect our families from the scourge of pornography. 

I could go into an explanation of why pornography is harmful or why being "prude" on the issue is a good thing, but I don't have time for that.  I've heard the time is now to stop being shy about this issue.  We have to speak up against it and win this battle.  

Join the resistance.

 11/9/10:  Haha.  Did you like how I wrote that all propagandishly?

Anyway, I thought I'd add something on how to join the resistance.  A few groups/sites I've come across recently:

• http://www.outinthelight.com/
• http://www.strengthenthefamily.net/ (The lady who made this site lives in my neighborhood.  I don't believe she's actively doing it much anymore, but she still has good info on her site).
• http://www.womenfordecency.org/
• Protecting Innocence Project (OK, this one's not really up and running yet, but I ran across Diapers and Divinity while trying to find Julie Beck's talk about the lioness at the gate.  I was happy to see others making a grassroots effort to fight pornography.)
• Resistimony
• Mothers Who Should Know Better:  LDS Ark Culture Embraces Pornography (article)

Everything You Wanted to Know about Polygamy

I don't know if the topic of polygamy even belongs on this blog, but I do know that several of us who enjoy discussing the issues on this blog have also tried to figure out that whole polygamy thing.  Evan read me Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Plural Marriage* (*but were afraid to ask) from the FAIR site one night while I was sewing.  It was quite interesting.

You might enjoy it, too.  Quite a lot of good research there.

11/15/10.  After reading Julie Beck's talk on Teaching the Doctrine of the Family, I think I now have even more understanding of why early Mormons practiced polygamy.  If you lived in a society where your ultimate goal was to have the blessings of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob (great posterity and being sealed in the temple), and you could only get that through being married and having children, wouldn't you do all you could to be married and have children?

At that time, from what I understand, there were more female members of the church than males.  Therefore, there wouldn't be enough men to go around.  Also, what if a husband died?  What if a husband left?  The natural answer could be polygamy:  it provided the benefits of family life to those who wanted it.

As Joseph Smith was trying to restore all things to a modern church, polygamy would naturally be one of those things he would ask about.  Maybe God said, go ahead and try it -- although Biblical polygamy seemed to be somewhat culturally based -- because it had the potential to bless the lives of many so they could enjoy the blessings of family life on earth.

Maybe?

So why is this topic of polygamy so intriguing to me?  I love history.  I minored in it.  I volunteer as a historical interpreter where I "interpret" at a polygamists home (although we don't emphasize polygamy; we focus on daily pioneer activities).  I also have at least two absolutely fantastic great-something grandmothers who were second wives, and I just wonder what they thought about all of it.