The Mighty Elephant

Tonight I went to the Women for Decency kickoff meeting with my sister-in-law.  The speaker was Jill Manning who wrote Let's Talk about the Elephant in the Room and What's the Big Deal about Pornography?  There weren't a ton of people there, but it was nice to see other people who want to make a difference.

Manning told how she was reading 1 Peter 5:8:  "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour."   She wanted to learn more, so she studied up on lions and their habits and learned that the only animal the lions can't get are the elephants, so she learned about elephants.  She learned that the elephants in a herd are females, young, and injured/ill males.  The healthy males are solitary and don't join the pack.  She learned that when these herds/packs of elephants are in danger from such things as lions, they form a circle, faces out, with the young or ill in the middle to protect them.  She compared us to the elephants in protecting intelligently and diligently our young.  So not only are we now lionesses at the gate, we are mighty elephants!

What I found interesting was that a few things she said regarding porn and the acceptance of it, were similar points made by Wendy Shalit in A Return to Modesty and The Good Girl Revolution.

For instance, Manning said women are showing tolerance to pornography by dating and marrying guys whom they know have the addiction -- they think it won't be that big of a deal.  Shalit says similarly that if women will allow men to sleep with them without commitment, then men won't feel a need to commit because they can just find someone else to sleep with.  We need to stand up to them (society/the porn industry/immoral men) and let them know the expectation whether it's that porn is unacceptable, or that no, men cannot sleep with us without being married to us.

Manning said that our initial response to porn is typically disgust.  We don't need training in the subject, we need to trust our instincts.  Shalit says typically women do not want to show it all, they don't want non-committal sex, so listen to your instincts -- they're there to protect you!

Another interesting and different point was that Manning said that the porn industry is always whining about being censored.  She says it's really the porn industry censoring out the real truth!

The Dangerous Digital Vortex

Because this blog is becoming a "file folder" of sorts for cool things I find regarding women and raising families, I thought I'd link to The Dangerous Digital Vortex by Sue Bergin.  The article discusses many ways to safeguard our families against falling too much into the digital world -- avoiding pornography, teaching children, communicating, etc.

Miss Representation

This might be an interesting one to see:  Miss Representation.

From KSL.com:  "Miss Representation" focuses on how the mainstream American media objectifies women focusing on youth and beauty. The filmmaker spoke with high-profile women about how they rose above it.

Saw this also on facebook that relates:

From the Deseret News regarding Miss Representation: 

"We want to change the media message which is, 'women and girls are less important than boys,' " Davis said. "And we want to empower women and girls to reach their full potential."

From the article, I'm not sure if they believe staying home to raise a family is included reaching one's full potential, but I guess I'll have to watch the film to really find out.

Mormon Blogs

This article, Why I can't stop reading Mormon housewife blogs, cracked me up!!!  She makes Mormons sound all gooey-perfect, which, of course we're way not, but it was a fun read.

The grass is always greener. . .  (isn't that all what we struggle with?)

3/8/11 update:  Here's a little addendum to this topic.

Courageous Parenting

J Tolman over at LDS Women of God posted her thoughts on the Conference talk, Courageous Parenting, by Larry Lawrence.  It was a nice reminder.

The Women's Movement in Early Utah

A week ago I listened to a radio program on Eliza R. Snow.  In it, the commentator and Jill Derr were speaking of Eliza R. Snow and Emeline B. Wells in the late 1880s, and quoted Emeline as saying "Relief Society will help women's emancipation from error, superstition, and darkenss, etc., will bring educational and economic opportunities to women." The program host then asked, "Where did [Emeline] come up with these particular concepts?  Was it the [original Relief Society] minutes or something more along the lines of women's rights?" (minute 44:46).

Jill Derr answers that she believes it was, at least in part, a result of Emeline's life:  Emeline was married at 15, a mother at 16 and deserted by her husband, later married two more times, and during her life had to support herself.  You can understand why Emeline was a supporter of women's rights and suffrage because she saw that women needed the ability to care for themselves when life gave them lemons.

After that part in the program, the commentators talked about how women in Utah had the vote in 1870, lost it when the government felt Utah had too much voting power, then received it again in 1896 when Utah became a state.  They suggest that it was easily acceptable for women to have the vote in early Utah because women naturally voted in church affairs, so why shouldn't they in civic?

Women in early Utah are so fascinating to me.  They had a different culture than the rest of the United Sates; they were quite liberated in many ways.  I'd continue to like to learn more about:

• how did women's rights affect the women in Utah
• how did Utah women influence women's rights, and who
• how much did polygamy enable women to participate more in the community and politics

Any suggestions on where I can learn more?

I've found
http://www.ldswomenoffaith.org/
http://www.ldswomenofgod.com/blog/
http://scholaristas.wordpress.com/women-in-american-religious-history-a-research-guide/

Girls Gone Mild/The Good Girl Revolution

I just finished reading Wendy Shalit's Girls Gone Mild (or in paperback: The Good Girl Revolution).  Shalit focuses not only on modesty, but on the influence of pornography on our society and our relationships; sense of self, dignity, and altruism; friendship; bullying; and feminism.   In a nut shell, Shalit says maybe we can make the world a better place by being nice, good, and virtuous.  She still uses some pretty explicit examples throughout, which I hope are not the norm, but they do help her make her point.  It seems to be written for a younger audience (maybe high school), versus a college audience in A Return to Modesty, so it's an easier read.

On Friendship (chapter 5)

• Women need to be more supportive of one another; knock off all the competition, sexual and otherwise.

On Feminism

• ". . . the meaning of feminism is up for grabs right now.  The ground is rumbling, and the ideological fault lines are shifting. . ." (206-7).
• "'. . . the sexual revolution's excesses have led to a devaluation of women and men.  We're playing into the dumbness of men and the dumbness of women'" (208).  I like that she includes men here.  If women want to be like men, why don't we try to copy good men, rather than the most base?
• "The word itself [feminism] has become almost meaningless---and can refer to diametrically opposed ideas---and yet hearing what feminism means to others is still interesting and can tell you a lot.  Some people use the term to signal that they care about the dignity of women.  Others use it to indicate that they want to fight the notion of being dignified at all.  Usually to the youngest feminists, the idea of decency is tremendously appealing. . ." (208-9).  I identify with the dignity side.
• One woman who went along with the feminist movement of the 1970s said, "'Now that I'm on the other side of life, I feel completely ripped off by the feminists.  I ended up with [STDs] and two unwanted pregnancies which I terminated. . . .  My supposed sexual liberation brought me lots of heartbreak and regrets, far outweighing the jollies.  The feminists simply don't acknowledge the downside of this supposed liberation'" (211-212).
• '"To become a mother". . . is something that nearly "every girlfriend that I know" wants. . . .  "We're in our early thirties and there is that time that you have, and most of my friends do want that, and that is just the reality. . . . Your priorities change"' (216). 
• ". . .I came to think of these younger feminists as part of a fourth wave. . . . The  fourth-wavers question pornography instead of wishing to star in it.  They are more likely to be fans of Florence Nightingale than Nina Hartley [I don't know who that is, and I'm not going to Google it].  They are most taken with earlier feminists, the nineteenth-century women who were temperance advocates as much as suffragists.  The suffragists argued that women should own property and have the right to vote precisely so that they might improve society with their moral perspective and their feminized heroism.  The early feminists also believed in the sacredness of sexuality, it's interesting to note" (219).
• [Caring for a family] can seem less significant only if your sole criterion is external approval. . . .  . . .Does this mean that our private actions are intrinsically any less significant [than public]? (223)

I didn't find the book as amazing as I found A Return to Modesty, probably because the topic wasn't so new to me anymore.   I don't know that you need to read both of Shalit's books, but one will broaden your perspective on modesty.