Considering Modesty

Cami Checketts posted this over at your LDS blog:

. . .As I learn and grow in my testimony of the gospel I also have become much more conscious about . . . dressing modestly, clothing my body in a manner that is appropriate for a Latter-Day Saint mother.

To be honest I didn’t always feel the same rules of modesty applied at the gym. When I exercise I work hard and all I used to care about was being comfortable. But then I started to notice that my fellow gym rats were watching me a bit too closely. I realized that I couldn’t use the excuse that I was a happily married Momma of four and nobody should be looking because they were looking

The scripture that came to my mind was the Savior teaching, “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in her heart.” (i) I’m not saying that these men were lusting after me but I wasn’t being fair to them or myself by wearing a tank top that was a little too tight or shorts that were a little too short. If I’m not careful to cover my body appropriately no matter what activity I’m participating in, I’m using my body as a walking billboard that definitely isn’t furthering the Savior’s work. In fact, I’m blatantly advertising for the wrong team. . . .

To Have or Have Not Children

Elder Neil Anderson gave an inspiring talk on mothering/parenting yesterday.  He talked about how the the choice to have children is between a husband, a wife, and God.  He also stressed that to have children is a commandment.  I think we often forget that second part about it being a commandment, but it should probably be one of the first things we consider.  We need to do a better job as parents at teaching young people that children are a responsibility of marriage.  We need to teach them how to understand, accept, and prepare for that.

I've surely mentioned on this blog that my husband and I weren't too excited about having kids, but after waiting several years, we determined it was time to be obedient and give it a try.  It was actually 13 months of trying, then we miscarried at 11 weeks.  What a lesson that was, and it gave us a deeper appreciation for children.  After much thought and learning, now our attitude is to welcome children into our family, one at a time (well, unless there are two!).  We won't put a cap on it until we "Know" we're done -- whether by feelings or the evidence of my body and mental state being finished, or whatever other circumstances (perhaps health of other family members or even money).  Raising children is not easy, and it's often not fun, but it is a commandment.  I have faith that it will all be worth it someday.  The Eyre's had some good counsel on this topic (Having another child: Questions Couples Can Consider, Des. News, April 1, 2011).

I'm afraid that sometimes people get so overwhelmed by so many little children so fast that they give up on the thought that they could ever have any more, so they claim to be "done."  Why not wait until the kids are a little older to decide that?  When they are little, it is soooooo hard!  It doesn't seem to be the best time to be making such big decisions.

I also believe that people jump to the conclusion that they will only have x number of children.  I feel that making decisions like that is like trying to decide on a first date if you are going to marry the person you're out with.  You just have to take it one date at a time, just like you have to take it one child at a time and not make decisions you're not ready to make.

Anderson quoted part of this from desiringGod (thanks to some fb friends for finding the quote):

The truth is that years ago, before this generation of mothers was even born, our society decided where children rank in the list of important things. When abortion was legalized, we wrote it into law.

Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get. In fact, children rate below your desire to sit around and pick your toes, if that is what you want to do. Below everything. Children are the last thing you should ever spend your time doing.

If you grew up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood, to think like a free Christian woman about your life, your children. How much have we listened to partial truths and half lies? Do we believe that we want children because there is some biological urge, or the phantom “baby itch”? Are we really in this because of cute little clothes and photo opportunities? Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? If so, what were we thinking?

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

Men

My friend, Andrea, sent this to me.  You may have seen it on facebook floating around.

We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between a man who flatters her - and a man who compliments her. A man who spends money on her - and a man who invests in her. A man who views her as property - and a man who views her properly. A man who lusts after her - and a man who loves her. A man who believes he is God's gift to women - and a man who remembers a woman was God's gift to man...And then teach our boys to be that man.

Daughters in My Kingdom: Chapter 1

Relief Society:  A Restoration of an Ancient Pattern

I enjoyed this first chapter in Daughters in My Kingdom regarding the ancient church of Jesus Christ.  The chapter mentioned how Christ "demonstrated deep familiarity with women's lives and drew timeless gospel lessons from their every day experiences." It mentioned that little is known about the early "formal organization of women in the New Testament" and that women "met and prayed together with the Apostles" (p. 3).  The chapter mentioned Mary and Martha and several other stories of women in the NT (p. 4).

I think I came away with several questions after reading this chapter.  I read it under the assumption that women were probably second-class back then (but I'd like to know more), so I found it significant that Christ even acknowledged them.  I also assumed that even men were not so organized back then -- at least there's not much record of it in the NT (well I guess you can look at all the social groups:  pharisees, sadduces, etc., but I don't know how "formal" those groups were, and I guess they wouldn't be considered Christian organizations -- obviously I could study this); at least is seems the only official record of early Christan organization is that of the 12 Apostles. So, to me, it's significant that women were even acknowledged and some men were organized. 

I wonder more about why have women been put down in society so many times?  Are men just more power hungry?  Are they bigger and stronger, so they feel entitled to power?  How much are women mentioned in other writings from this era in history?  Are more women mentioned in the NT than in similar writings?

I've learned to love Paul's counsel to Titus to "encourage older women to serve and teach young women about their eternal roles as wives and mothers. . ." (p. 5).  I'm really coming to appreciate the advice of women who have done this child-raising stuff before.  There is NO reason for me to think I know it all; I can use the advice of older women to my advantage.  Why reinvent the wheel?

I really loved the example of Dorcas/Tabitha and how she made clothes for widows.  I've learned a bit about historical clothing and have learned that clothing was not cheap back then, and obviously labor intensive.  Was she wealthy?  Either way, the time to sew and the cost to purchase goods was surely substantial.  Sounds like she gave her all and the widows loved her (p. 6).

We've always been told that the Relief Society was organized after the pattern of the priesthood.  That's always been a slightly confusing statement to me because RS is not organized into little groups like deacons, teachers, priests, elders, high priests, or Aaronic/Melchizedek Priesthood and we don't seem to have quite the same responsibilities.  We're just organized into one big group of women, and some of us are pulled out of that big group to help in Young Women's or Primary.  However, I've come to interpret the statement as meaning Relief Society is (and was) organized through inspiration; those in leadership positions are set apart; they operate with counselors -- just as most all auxilaries in the church.

An even more clarifying statement was made by Julie Beck at the General RS Meeting last night.  She said something along the lines of the RS being organized after the pattern of discipleship.  I fully expected her to say "the priesthood," but she didn't.  This pattern of discipleship clarifies the role of women. The book states that we are dignified, noble, needed, valued, and serviceable (p. 7) -- qualities of disciples.  The Relief Society is a way for us women to be organized and to act officially in the name of the Church.  If we weren't so organized, I don't believe we'd be able to do as much good.

Nurturing Dads... now this is interesting!

The Deseret News ran this: 

Testosterone drops when men become nurturing dads

Some news reports on the study hinted a drop in testosterone might not be a good thing. "This is probably not the news most fathers want to hear," wrote Pam Belluck in a www.nytimes.com/2011/09/13/health/research/13testosterone.html New York Times story.

"It could almost be demonized," said Gettler to the New York Times. He noted that, instead, "this should be viewed as, 'Oh, it's great, women aren't the only ones biologically adapted to be parents.'"

 

Daughters In My Kingdom: Chapter 7

I'm done!  I'm done, I'm done!  I finished this wonderful little book!  I read the chapters that seemed most interesting to me first, leaving "'Pure Religion' Watchcare and Ministering through Visiting Teaching" for last, BUT this has actually been my most favorite chapter, so, I'm going to write about it first!

I loved the examples of Visiting Teaching and learned so much about the goals of Visiting Teaching.  After all the lessons, and lessons, and lessons on Visiting Teaching, I didn't think I could learn anymore.

I loved learning how VTing got started:  "RS leaders appointed a visiting committee of four sister for each ward.  [Their] most visible responsibilities were to assess needs and collect donations. . . .  Generally the sisters who were assigned to go visiting went with baskets in hand, receiving items such as matches, rice, baking soda, and bottles of fruit. . . " (106).  Now maybe I knew this and had forgotten, but could you imagine going Visiting Teaching and asking for money and goods!?  It's cool they they did this, but I'm glad I don't have to!  I also thought, 4 women?  That really is quite a burden to visit all the women in a ward with only 4!

I liked reading how Eliza R. Snow "counseled visiting teachers to prepare themselves spiritually before they visited homes so they would be able to ascertain and meet spiritual needs as well as temporal ones. . . ." (108). I don't know if Eliza R. Snow was a visiting teacher at the time of this instance from the life of my great-great grandmother after her husband died as recorded by her brother, but Eliza's actions demonstrate being guided by the Spirit:

One day Sister Eliza Snow with Sister Smoot took a walk together, when they came to my Sisters house in the 20th ward, she felt impressed to call in.  My mother was in the house at the time attending to Margaret, Sister Snow had never been in the house before, she did not know that Margaret was sick, she was led by the spirit of the Lord, she laid her hands on Margaret’s head and blessed her., that she would live and the Angels of God would preserve her.  Her enemies would not have any power over her and she would conquior her enemies.  Her words seemed to strenghten her faith and she began to amend from that time, and prospered.  She also blessed my mother. . .  (page 30 of Gibson Condie's Diary -- typescript.  A holograph can be found at the FHL in SLC, the years are 1864-65).

I also read in the chapter an example about a woman who "had been detailed by the Relief Society . . . to watch over and administer to the sick woman. . . ."  In modern day, we would interpret "administer" as just "minister" or "care for"; however, I wonder if in that instance, it was to actually bless, just as Eliza R. Snow blessed my great-great grandma.  (For more on the topic, see Stapley, Jonathan A. and Wright, Kristine, Female Ritual Healing in Mormonism (January 1, 2011). Journal of Mormon History, Vol. 37, pp. 1-85, Winter 2011. Available at SSRN: http://ssrn.com/abstract=1754069).  Daughters in My Kingdom does not go into the topic of "female ritual healing," which I would like to know more about from an official Church standpoint, but this is at least a start in understanding the topic.

In 1916, VTers were "asked to discuss a gospel topic each month as well as providing a temporal service" (108).  I know we often leave VTing assignments with a "Let us know if there's anything we can do to help!" but what if we actually took that seriously as an ASSIGNMENT to provide a temporal service?  Wow.  If we did this, I think we'd better connect as sisters through temporal work, just was we should connect with our children/families through physical labor.  I think we'd also open up emotionally more than we do.


In 1944 (8 years after the start of the Church's Welfare plan), the assignment of RS sisters collecting funds was discontinued (108).  That did make a lot of sense because it was as though there were two Welfare plans:  RS Welfare and Church Welfare.  With the consolidation, things would be more efficient.    I don't know when collection of Fast Offerings came about, but, again, it seems like an unnecessary duplication of efforts from the brothers and the sisters.  Even today, the RS President still plays a BIG role in the Welfare plan, just as she did a long time ago.

I enjoyed the section on seeking spiritual guidance and was reminded to do better in that area (114).  I also liked the Questions Visiting Teachers Can Ask on page 115.  They are pretty personal, but if we go about first being a friend to those we visit teach, then those are natural questions from a friend to a friend.

1.  What worries or concerns do you have?

2.  What questions do you have about the gospel or Church?

3.  Would you allow us to help you with _____?  Note, it doesn't say, "Let us know if we can help! :) :)"

I liked Sister Smoot's advice:  "My desire is to plead with our sisters to stop worrying about a phone call or a quarterly or monthly visit . . . and concentrate instead on nurturing tender souls" (117).

I loved Pres. Kimball's quote:  "You are going to save souls, and who can tell but that many of the fine active people in the Church today are active because you were in their homes. . ." (117).  I've witnessed this and know it to be true.  I'll have to have my friend write a post about it.

Reading about the great efforts of visiting teachers from the past encourages me to be a better visiting teacher.  I'm impressed at how temporal visiting teaching was, yet now the main focus seems to be spiritual.  I loved the stories in this chapter; they were so encouraging and made me cry.  Overall, I think the feel I got from this chapter is to be a friend with a Gospel message.  I think we do a pretty good job at showing up, but do we really connect?  Do we really show we care?  Do we show real charity?  That is what I need to focus on.  Wonderful chapter; so much great stuff in it.

Sexualization in Society

These two articles from the Deseret News were just too good to pass up.  Kudos to the Deseret News for publishing them.

The end of innocence: The cost of sexualizing kids

Sexualizing kids: No child left behind — and fighting back

A few quotes from both articles:

"As a society, we know more about women who look good than we know about women who do good," (first article).

...
(The rest are from the 2nd article.)

While saying no is a natural parental instincts, he says the optimal approach is to help their child understand why a certain TV show or piece of clothing is not OK. "You'd be surprised at how reasonable children can be when rules are accompanied by an explanation," he says. "Children are always learning. If they're not learning from their mothers or fathers, they are going to learn from other sources."

...

Jenny Wykstra, a registered nurse from West Jordan, has figured out a way to help guide her three children without just saying something is bad or wrong.

She watches TV with her teens, 15, 14 and 13. And she pays attention to what they are looking at on the computer. When something sets off the alarm bells in her brain — and it happens a lot — she asks them questions.
"Wow, check out that girl's outfit. What do you think of it?"

She's genuinely interested, she says. But she's also guiding them through a process of analyzing things critically. "What do you think they're trying to sell?" she asks when a model runs her fingers through her luxurious hair for a shampoo commercial. "Is it just shampoo?"

...

Levin traces the introduction of the "sexualized childhood" to the mid-1980s deregulation of TV ads for children by the Federal Communications Commission, which allowed development of toys directly related to programming.

...

"What's going on here in 21st Century America is a war of values," wrote Annie Fox, a Cornell graduate who has written several books on teens. "On one side, parents doing their best to raise healthy young adults. And what are we up against? The marketing might of multi-billion dollar corporations. You probably don't need anyone to tell you who's winning."

...

"One girl told me [dressing provocatively] made her feel wanted," Evert says. "I told her, 'What are you hoping for — to be gawked at or to be loved? What do you want to be wanted for? If a guy really cares, he should want you for more than your body parts. I always tell the girls 'You will never convince boys of your dignity until you convince yourself.' "

...

On Aug. 31, 1,600 people used the Internet to protest a shirt being sold on JC Penney's website. The $10 shirt was emblazoned with "I'm Too Pretty to Do Homework, So My Brother Has to Do It for Me." The ad copy with it said, "Who has time for homework when there's a new Justin Bieber album out? She'll love this tee that's just as cute and sassy as she is."

Within four hours of the launch of an online petition drive by change.org, JC Penny yanked the shirt off its shelves, overwhelmed by the response.


 ...

And of course, there were several quotes/references to the Kite sisters from Beauty Redefined!  Go girls!