Mary & Martha

My friend, Hailey, shared "Mary and Martha -- Faithful Sisters, Devoted Disciples" on Facebook today from a 1987 Ensign.  There were some really good quotes:

The story of Mary and Martha, observes Elder Dallin H. Oaks, “reminds every Martha, male and female, that we should not be so occupied with what is routine and temporal that we fail to cherish the opportunities that are unique and spiritual.”

 ...are we so involved with learning or outside interests that we do not honor our domestic responsibilities? 

... the Lord has counseled all of us to be “anxiously engaged in a good cause.” (D&C 58:27.) When determining the causes we will engage in, we need to weigh our values against our priorities. This will help us better judge what is important in our lives.Elder Maxwell concludes, “Basically, if we are properly motivated and are proper managers of our time, there is a time and season for various good causes in our lives. The contributing emphasis, of course, must be upon keeping the commandments and being effective in our family life.”

 ...when we judge someone as we have perhaps judged Mary and Martha, we have forgotten that strengthening the individual and the family, serving in Church callings, and providing for temporal needs are all part of gospel living. When deciding which aspect should receive emphasis at certain seasons of life, sisters would do well to seek the Spirit as a guide.

 ...“If the decision is right, they will feel at peace. That is the key. If they have made the wrong decisions, they will tend to feel troubled.” (Ensign, Mar. 1986, p. 21.)

Parenting Taboos

My friend Jamie shared this Ted Talk entitled "Let's talk parenting taboos" with the creators of Babble.

It was pretty good. Their goal is to share some of the realities of parenting so people won't be left disappointed once they become parents. Four of the things we generally don't talk about are:

1. You may not have automatic love for your babies.
2. It's lonely to have a baby. 67% of women said they were most lonely when their kids were between the ages of 0-5.   In one country, a few months before a woman has a baby, she goes to live with her mother up to several months after the baby is born to combat this loneliness.  In our country where that doesn't typically happen, we should probably be watching out for/visiting each other more when there's a new baby.  (Thank goodness for Visiting Teachers -- it's a start!)
3.   It's okay to talk about miscarriage.
4. Average happiness declines when you have kids, but you have lots of happy peaks as you raise those kids!

I think it's good to talk about these things, but in my case, knowing at least some of those things beforehand made it harder to make the choice to have kids.  I'm just so practical. :-z

Set Up for Failure

I read "A Guilty Paradox" on Family Friendly Work about how women in our society are set up to fail no matter what, so we just have to ignore the "expectations" and it will make things a lot easier.  I really liked this quote at the end:

“The day I realized that the cultural ideal of femininity was, quite literally, unattainable? The day I realized that women are supposed to be sexy and chaste, undemanding and seeking commitment, meek delicate flowers and strong backbones of the family? The day I realized that if you're tall you're supposed to look shorter, and if you're short you're supposed to look taller, and if you're fat you're supposed to look thinner, and if you're thin you're supposed to look more voluptuous, and that whatever body type you had you were supposed to make it look different? The day I realized that every woman is insecure about her looks... including the ones we're supposed to idolize? The day I realized that, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I worked, I would always, always, always be a failure as a woman?
That was the day I quit worrying about it.”
--Greta Christina, Alternet 

Demographic Winter

My friend, Jamie recently told me about the show Demographic Winter. If you haven't seen it, you should.  It addresses some of the reasons for and potential problems of population decline.  It actually reminded me a lot of the Feminine Minority, which I liked parts of, but not others.  Demographic Winter actually made me think, sounds like we ought to have another baby!  It was eye-opening and nice to see so many other people interested in the survival of the family.  I wish I could write a better summary, but I'm pooped!

Warning:  I have to add that it does have a bit of a doom & gloom and propaganda feel to it.  Doom and gloom because of the stats (which can say anything, I know); and propaganda because of the constant dramatic music.  There's also a bit of repeat in part 2 that was in part 1.  I guess if you had to choose one to watch, I'd watch the 2nd, so you can get the conclusions.

If you watch it, let me know what you think.

The Important Stuff

I really loved this.

Fun Family Activity

I thought this was a great idea for a family activity.  I think they'll treasure this forever!


Smart from Chad on Vimeo.

FHE: Communication

We've realized the importance of communication lately and wanted to have a family home evening on it.  We did, and it went really well.  This is what we covered.  Keep in mind, this post is written as though speaking to kids.

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1.  Body Language.  Before a word is even spoken, you can tell a bit how a person feels by their body language.  Through our body language we can show such things as anger, boredom, joy, frustration, most anything!  If I look at you with my hand on my hip and a scowl on my face, what does that mean?  Does it mean I'm happy with you?  No.  It means you're in trouble.  If I'm sitting with my elbow on the table and my head in my hand and my eyes are droopy, what do you think that means?  I'm probably bored or tired.  If I look at you, clap my hands, and give you a really happy face, what does that mean? I'm really happy for you!

Should we ever be careful with our body language?  We should.  What if you're at church or school and the lesson is really boring?  Should you try and look bored so your teacher knows how boring her lesson is?  It might be hard not to, but you can try to show respect paying attention and looking interested.

Roll-play.


2.  Express feelings:  It's okay to say how you feel -- especially if someone asks you. You want to be honest, but you also want to be tactful.  For example, if your sister asks you if you like her dress, and you don't, you could say, "I think it's really ugly."  That's honest, but you could be nicer and say, "It's okay, but I like that other one better."

If someone asks you a question, too, it is really important to answer them.  If you disregard their question, they will think you are ignoring them, which is impolite.

If a person is, however, being mean and trying to hurt you, you do not have to answer their mean questions (like, "Who do you think you are?  The king of the world?").

Roll-play.

3.  Coordinate:  Sometimes you have to plan things with other people.  It is especially important when working with othes to express your feelings about a situation when you are trying to come up with a plan.  Let's say you are planning a party for your dad with your sister.  Both you and she could make a list of all the things you want to do for the party, then pick the best ones to use.  

Roll-play.

4.  Compromise:  Sometimes you may have a really great idea for an activity and your sister may have a really great idea for an activity, but you only have time for one of the activities.  What should you do?  You could compromise.  That means to give and take.  Maybe you could use part of her idea and part of your idea at the same time.  Or, if you don't mind saving your idea for later, and just using her idea, then that is okay, too.

Roll-play.

4.  The Importance Scale:  Sometimes people will have different ideas and will argue about them.  But, when they get talking about it, they realize that one idea to one person is really, really important -- like a 10 on a scale of 1 to 10, but the idea to the other person really isn't that important -- maybe like a 2.  When both people realize that the idea is really important to one of the people, it is really nice for the person who doesn't care as much just let the person who cares more to make the final decision.

So, let's say we want to paint the house.  We'll pretend that your dad wants the house to be grey and I want the house to be pink.  Let's say we get in an argument over it.  Grey, pink, grey, pink, grey, pink.  Then we decide to talk and see how important this decision is to each of us.  Dad says when it comes down to it, he doesn't really care what color the house is, just that we have a house.  I say, I really, really love pink and I've always wanted a pink house.  When dad realizes that, he is very nice and says, "OK, if it's that important to you, then you can have your pink house."

Roll-play.

5.  Interrupting.  What if you have something really important to say?  Should you always say it?  We know you want to, but it is most polite to wait until someone is done with what he or she is saying before you start talking.  Let's say mom is talking to dad and you want to tell them something really important. Can you do your best to wait just a few more seconds?  If you will work on waiting for us to finish talking, we will do our best to let you share what you want before you forget.  We know it's hard to remember what you want to say sometimes.

Roll-play.

Conclusion & Discussion
So do you think it's important to communicate well and honestly?  What happens if we don't communicate this way?  Is it easier for people to get their feelings hurt?

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Can you think of anything we missed?  Communication is so important; we wanted to get the kids off to a good start.